- And tell me what other food do you do like this?
When they are up on the grill they put the cheese on it
and it's melted, "Ay man who ready for a burger?"
And they slide it on your plate and you eat it--
- That is a pretty exciting moment in life.
- Right then?
- Cheese, melt the cheese.
- Straight off the grill--
- Off the grill and it's go time!
- Alright calm down.
- Woo! I'm gettin' excited.
- They could put a charcoal brick on your burger
and you'll eat it.
- Hah! You will. - No.
- He puts two patties on his nipples
before he goes to sleep.
(group laughing)
- Comes with a hot stone massage.
(group laughing)
- Just imagine him, goin to bed, like, bedtime.
And then he puts his little thing on his eyes.
(group laughing)
(light jazz beat)
- What up y'all, it's me MegScoop.
And the best barbeque meat of all time
is chicken.
- No, it ain't.
- Chicken be gettin' burnt
- Chicken be dry as hell.
- It does.
- That's because ya'll be going,
ya'll be going to the places don't have no good chicken.
This is some good smoked chicken, see?
- I don't like barbeques that have
just a bunch of chicken on the grill.
- Why?
- And I hate it too, when you go to people
that ain't got no money, they be like,
leg or a thigh, leg or a thigh?
(laughs)
I'm like, nigga, gimme both.
What up y'all, it's your boy, KevOnStage
I got my summertime bandana on,
and I'm tellin you why ribs are the most delicate,
precious meat at zee barbeque.
- [Patrick] Damn those look good.
- You know what, it's hard to argue with that.
Ribs are the shit.
- I will say this though.
- If ribs go out, I ain't eatin shit else.
- They're ribs.
You gotta put in on the ribs.
If you don't know that person that well--
- Ribs are more expensive than chicken.
- And that's what it tells you.
If you have money, you got ribs.
- You don't have that at every barbeque.
- And I got ribs.
- What up, man, this is your boy, DoBoy.
New nickname alert, chef DoBoyardee,
for this edition of best meats.
And this is gonna be real easy.
I'm gonna lay it out real simple and plain.
The best barbeque meat, ever,
is hamburger.
Don't at me.
- That's trash.
- I don't wanna hear nothin'.
- You just like hamburger
'cause you thought there was ham in it.
(group laughing)
- What's up, I'm Precious.
And I have the absolute
best barbeque meat on the planet.
[Man] What?
- Act like you know.
- You sound like the hype man for our new song.
- What is it?
♪ You know what it is, bitches. ♪
- I'ma tell you what it is
after I get that barbeque sauce.
Look, this that brisket.
This that brisket.
Can't nothin' beat brisket.
And you know why? Boom.
'Cause brisket can go on anything.
You can eat it by itself.
You can make a brisket sandwich.
You can put it in the baked potato.
You can make anything, a salad with brisket,
and brisket say--
- And you are absolutely right.
- I've never had that, but that sounds great.
- Hello everybody, I'm Patrick Cloud,
and I'm here to talk about the hot link,
as the best barbeque meat in the game.
- [Kev] Why you sound like you doin' an infomercial?
- Hot links are only good when you cut 'em up
and put 'em in spaghetti.
- What?
Shut up.
- Nah, links are a good meat.
- All of these are ridiculous.
- Hot links are good.
But I feel like they taste better
in white bread versus in a bun.
- I hate hot links.
They make your butt hot. - No, you don't.
- Yo, what's up, it's Tahir Moore.
And I'm here to talk about the best
barbeque meat of all times, and it's gotta be the hotdog.
- That is just the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say.
- Nope, no, it ain't.
- I think the word should be the most common and basic.
- Yeah.
- You can say whatever you want.
- Most common, for sure.
- Whatever, whatever.
It can be the most common denominator.
Any barbeque you go to, you gonna find a hotdog.
- [Meg] That's true.
- Your ribs gonna be gone if you don't get there early.
Burgers be dry, or they be gone, okay?
Briskets, a lot of black people ain't cookin briskets
for a whole lot of people.
- I'm hot links.
- We're sayin' this.
Our stuff is the best meat.
Yours is what's available.
- That's why it disappears.
Yours is just always there.
- If your grill's too hot, you gotta keep checkin' em.
But sometimes, people be drinkin' too early in the day.
And the next thing you know,
the chicken get all messed up.
- But you be grillin' orange chicken.
(group laughing)
- Your shit is good though.
I'm with her for the cookin'.
- He be messed up.
- The best ribs are made by people.
A restaurant can't get it the way a person can get ribs.
- No, sometimes Chinese food restaurants
be havin' real good ribs.
- What?
Shoot this dude. - Shut up, DoBoy.
- No seriously.
No, for real.
They have really good fried chicken and ribs.
- I actually hear that too.
- The fried chicken, I agree with--
- Fried chicken, I'll give you.
- Because they fry everything.
- Can't nobody do ribs like black folks.
I don't give a damn.
- That rib is not the same thing.
(drowning each other out.)
God made woman out of ribs and then was like
y'all can also eat these too, man.
It's fixin' to be lit.
- But you eat those in the shower.
(group laughing)
- All these videos on how hotdogs have been made
have been out for years.
But do you think hotdog sales have taken a hit?
Absolutely not.
- Hot dogs are the R. Kelly of barbeque meat.
(group confirming)
They got a terrible past and they're still sellin'.
- And we found out about 'em a long time ago.
- I'll take that.
- We let hotdogs slide, just like R. Kelly.
- Absolutely.
- Hot link is the gourmet version of the hotdog.
- [Tahir] That is true.
- The hotdog is the ugly bootleg version that nobody wants--
- [Tahir] Your momma, hoe.
- But if you got--
(laughing)
- [DoBoy] Damn.
- But if you got some money on you,
you can get these delicious hot links.
- Bratwurst is the big version of hot links.
- No it's not, polish kielbasa.
- All them sausages, italian sausages, kielbasa--
- If you go to a barbeque,
and there's bratwurst on the grill,
you need to leave.
- When that brisket tender and really just fallin' off,
it's like, sayin, I'm tellin' ya.
- Brisket is like ribs, in the way that it's not done right.
But when done right, brisket is amazing.
- And if you don't know, I'm really country.
See, we eat goat.
And this is, goat tastes like brisket when goat done right.
- [Meg] Really?
- On God.
- Goats?
- We make goat sandwiches, in the south.
- What?
- Where you from?
- Shout out to my auntie.
I'm from Texas.
My people's from Arkansas. - She's from Oak Cliff.
- But my people from Arkansas.
So, Arkadelphia, Arkansas, Gum Springs, shout out.
We put goats on the grill in Little Rock.
- Barbeque is probably the least favorite
prepared type of chicken.
There ain't no barbeque chicken restaurants,
ever, no where. - Wow, I think there are.
- There's barbeque chicken at--
- Name me one.
- What are you talking about?
- At barbeque.
- There's no barbeque chicken restaurants.
- What does that mean?
- There's a KFC, there's a Popeye's, they're fried chicken.
- Philips--
- There's barbeque joints.
You gotta go to a barbeque restaurant.
- [Patrick] What are you sayin man?
- There's no one place that only sells coleslaw.
That's what you just said.
That's stupid.
That's exactly what you said.
No, I said that there's fried chicken spots.
There's grilled chicken spots.
There's rotisserie chicken spots,
not barbeque chicken spots.
- Can you name a place that only sells enchiladas?
Enchilada Tom's.
(group laughing)
- You're makin' stuff up!
- That's not even a Hispanic name, you idiot.
- Makin' stuff up.
I don't eat pork or beef anymore.
But the one thing that will make me change my mind
are some pork ribs.
- Nah, forget all this guys.
We gotta defend her.
- Ribs good though.
- They're unhealthy.
They're unhealthy, they kill you, come on, guys.
- Everything kill you.
- They're not inherently unhealthy.
- Why?
- It's pork.
Pork is a terrible--
- They're not more unhealthy than anything else that's pork.
- Yes they are.
- They're not more unhealthy than hotdogs and hot links.
- Those are terrible too.
- Whoa, wait a second.
Wait, whoa, wait a second.
- They have nitrates in them.
- Let's not get on hotdogs like that.
(drowning each other out)
- [Meg] That is terrible.
(jazz fades voices out)
- Ribs are so good he stopped arguin' for 'em
and just enjoyed them.
- And let us argue, 'cause we ain't got no ribs.
- He ain't even arguin', he's just eatin the ribs.
- He don't wanna share, that's why he's eatin' them so fast.
- The rib was never gonna make it back over there.
Y'all never had a chance to take these
- Oh man.
- They're the only meat that most people
will really just have, in their freezer.
You can be like, ah man, I'm hungry.
Man, fire up the grill, I'ma throw a couple burgers on.
You can't do that with ribs.
- Burgers do allow you to feed a lot of people.
- That's what I'm sayin'. - A lot of people.
- Everybody can't get in on the ribs and the chicken.
- Right.
- Everybody can always get a burger.
Y'all argument is about, oh, they cheap,
they too affordable. - [Patrick] And they're gross.
- So what, man?
Hotdogs are the common man's steak.
- It's not the best barbeque.
- What?
- The common man's steak?
- It's the common man's steak.
It's the common man's t-bone, right here.
- Hey, talk about what the casing's made out of, real quick.
- What casing?
- Ew, what is it made out of.
The outside of it.
- The lining of the hotdog?
- Basically plastic ain't it?
- It's made out of unicorn tears, baby.
You don't know what that's made out of--
- No, intestines, stomach lining.
- Same way you don't know what this is made out of.
- It's made out of urinal cakes.
- It's made out of pork in--
- Listen, man, it's better than smokin' cigarettes.
- What?
- That's your argument?
- That's not a good thing.
In my life, I've probably been to at least 200 barbeques.
I might have seen--
- Do you tally them every--
- A month.
- I may have seen brisket at, maybe 10.
Brisket is never at barbeques.
- These are some specific numbers.
- In Texas,
in Texas, they have brisket at almost every barbeque.
You also don't see Bentley's everywhere do you?
But you'll see a Neon, anywhere, won't you?
Because, quality shit, when it show up,
it show up and show out.
Ain't no price on it, ain't no whoop da whoop,
good shit is good, and bullshit is always available.
(drowning each other out)
- I'm not even a huge fan of hot, spicy foods,
but I like hot links.
- You like everything.
- You like food.
- You would have ate all this food that was up there, today.
- You a fan of food.
- You would eat barbeque jeans.
(group laughing)
- Hey, let me get the Levi 509s.
(drowning each other out)
- Barbeque jeans?
- We already know that chicken is the best barbequed meat.
If you care about your life,
and you want to survive, - What is this?
- That's a bib. - And not have a heart attack
after--
- Why'd you put it on after you ate?
- Neatly, she got it neater than a motherfucker.
(drowning each other out )
- I forgot I had it, to be honest.
- You make barbeque bok choy.
(group laughing)
- There's not one piece of nothin' on there.
- Fire up the wok.
- Just put some barbeque, splash--
- What other food can you really double up,
like when you go to your uncle,
you like, oh man, let me get an extra patty.
He be like, go on on, nephew.
You get a double burger, that be lit.
- You can get two pieces of chicken.
- That's the relationship y'all have?
Come on, you know what it is, uncle.
All right, fat ass.
(group laughing)
- Double it up.
- Get that double barbeque burger on these hoes.
- I'm tellin you though, that's how you look less greedy,
if you get more patties and less buns, you look less fat.
- He really thinks that people don't notice
he's got two patties on his bun.
- I always get three or four.
- Yeah, but anyway--
- A barbequed hot dog is the best way
to cook a hotdog, though.
'Cause if you boil 'em or you do 'em in the microwave,
they be tastin' trash.
But off the grill, they fire.
- Well first of all, if you still microwaving hotdogs,
you need to get your life together.
You can literally, you can boil the water in the microwave,
and then put the hot dog in that.
It's better than just puttin a raw hotdog in a microwave.
- Hotdog water stink, boy.
That is some stinky--
- All boiled water stink.
Chicken grease stinks
- No, when you boil rice and water--
- Bacon grease smell good.
- Bacon grease, I would drink bacon grease.
I'm not gonna lie to you on that one.
- What?
- You would drink bacon grease.
- Bacon smell good, shit.
- That's why you can't zip up your jacket.
- I can zip this one up.
(group chanting)
- Wait, wait.
- You gonna break the jacket.
- Don't break your jacket.
- You can't do it.
Suck it in.
- Hey, he gotta put his feet close together.
(group laughing)
- Let me see your hands.
- Oh my gosh, I can see, here.
I can literally see how much money is in your chest wallet.
(group laughing)
- You got $3.17 in your wallet.
- Like I was sayin'--
- That's a wind breaker.
- You know how when you over pack your luggage?
(group laughing)
- In conclusion--
- Precious, you actin' like you gotta go pee.
- You danced the whole time.
- That's my excited.
Like, you know when you feelin' like a little kid.
Yeah, good food make you dance.
Well, nobody dancin' over hotdogs.
- But you dancin' around the topic.
Why is it the best barbeque meat.
- 'Cause it is *bleep*.
I already answered this.
I'm not gonna reiterate myself.
This ain't school, shit.
(laughing)
I told you.
You have to use your listenin' skills fool.
- I lost, in that--
- The zipper's moving on it's own.
(laughing)
- On the best barbeque meat, okay.
Ain't nothing better than that, god damn it.
I'ma go get my brakes changed.
- You look like a bag of Tahir.
- Take it easy.
- You look like a pregnant snake.
(music fades)