- I used to be a needy little bitch.
Right there, you see that?
That used to be me.
For a long, I felt co-dependent.
Not only did I feel it, but I was it.
I was looking for validation
from the outside.
I'd find myself in relationships
feeling like I really wanted to control the dynamic.
I would change and mold myself
like a little shapeshifter
to being what I thought everybody else wanted me to be,
and I felt a sense of, like,
I didn't have a sense of necessarily straight
when I was, like, showing up.
I felt like I was, like, very moldable,
and it had me feeling
dependent on the outside.
And the key to curing co-dependency and to curing neediness
are gonna be the three things
I share with you in this video
that I guarantee will work if you commit to them.
So I really believe that this video right here
could be the video that changes it all from you,
and it's come from somebody
that went from one way to another way
in a relatively short period of time.
This can happen very quickly once you commit to it.
So, with that being said,
let's get into the rest of the video right now.
(uplifting music)
Real quick, just so you know,
today is the absolute last day
that I'm gonna be talking about 21 Day
Magnetic Love Challenge,
which starts on July 1st to the 21st.
This is a 21 day live event,
a process we are all gonna be going through as a tribe
towards releasing co-dependent patterns,
wiring in a more magnetic version of us.
We're gonna to be removing love blocks,
we're gonna be healing our attachment pattern
to feel more secure instead of anxious or avoidant,
we're gonna remove intimacy blocks, remove love blocks,
and just so that we can really either attract love
into our life if we're single or go deeper in the love
if we're in a relationship.
This is a brand new challenge that we've never done before.
This is not the High Vibe Challenge.
This is more specifically in regards to worthiness and love.
And it's not just videos you watch passively.
These are videos where there's things
you do at the end of them,
and then you post in the High Vibe Tribe group,
which you'll have lifetime access to.
And this is a process we will go through
to let go of the old and wire in a new version of us.
So right now, if you wanna join, click the link below.
Today's the last day to join before we begin,
and you'll go to aarondoughty.com/love,
or just click the link below and join.
I'm super excited.
We're gonna be doing this together.
If you're in, by the way, can you comment below, I'm in,
and let me know if you're excited for that.
As always, let's get back into the video right now.
Welcome back to another video.
My name's Aaron,
and I help people expand their consciousness.
Now, in this video, I'm gonna show you
the three bulletproof keys
to curing co-dependency and neediness.
Now, first off, what is co-dependency?
What is neediness?
Okay, neediness and co-dependency kind of go hand on hand,
but if you're co-dependent,
the patterns are that maybe you're really looking
to the outside for validation.
You're really looking to the outside
of other people to give you a sense
of your own sense of worthiness.
You'll find in relationships
that you really want the person to, like, get closer to you.
You'll find that you're really waiting for their text back.
You'll find that a lot of times co-dependency happens
because it's rooted, we'll get deeper into this later,
it's going real deep, real quick,
but co-dependency many times is rooted
in a sense of abandonment,
feeling abandoned emotionally or physically as a kid,
and then abandoning ourselves to then please other people.
And what happens, though, is co-dependency
is a loss of frame, is really what co-dependency is.
Now, first off, before I get into the three cures,
we got to know a little bit more
about what co-dependency is.
Now, there's this thing
that is called the locus of control.
Now imagine that this locus of control
is the way that we feel a sense of control in our lives.
And when our locus of control is externally based,
meaning that unless we control the external,
because we are drawing our state of validation
from the external, then what happens
is unless we're getting that, our needs aren't met
and we're needing more.
And remember, anything you need,
you lack.
A lot of times, it's just co-dependency
is a lack of frame, it's a lack of self.
My shadow work integration coach talks to me
a lot about this, because there's the self
there's the ego, there's the body, and then there's other.
There's everything else.
And then the space in between is another aspect of it
that you can feel.
You can feel the space between you and the wall,
you and your boyfriend or girlfriend, you and your parents.
You feel that space.
That space is good 'cause then you can discern
what is my stuff versus their stuff.
Now, in co-dependency and neediness,
it's almost like there's no sense of self,
so it's drawing upon a sense of self
off of everything else.
So what's happens is when the locus of control,
how you feel in your body, your sense of control,
is based on that of the external,
you will look to other people to get your needs met.
You will want them to change,
you'll want them to give you validation,
and it becomes this thing
where you are drawing your source of value-ness,
your source of a frame, from the outside.
So you feel co-dependent on things working out a certain way
and you're co-dependent on whether people
can give that back to you.
Now also, think of these different dynamics.
Somebody that has an internal locus of control
knows they generate state from within.
They also know that they can choose
different things in their life,
so they're more empowered in that way.
The difference is, imagine that somebody
is going out that has a strong internal locus of control.
They'll go out into the world and they'll say,
oh, I'm gonna ask this person out.
And what happens is they'll ask someone out
and that person says yes or no.
Their way of internalizing it is, I did that,
I asked that person out because I'm a self-empowered.
Somebody with a co-dependent pattern
that has a locus of control on the external
would look at that and say, wow,
that person got lucky because that person said yes.
No, the internal sense of control, the locus of control,
was from the action of being it, of asking.
So it's a internal sense of a frame, is really what this is.
And when we have it based on the outside, we feel lost.
We don't know exactly who we are.
So co-dependency is, when we're growing up,
there's a sense of self that is beginning to develop.
But if we don't feel validated in our sense of self,
we then look to the external to tell us who we are,
and we look for the external for validation.
The key to this is understanding that co-dependency
is simply a personality, like, wound
or a childhood wound from when we were kids
where we didn't have and we weren't validated
in our own frame to feel safe in our own bodies.
Many times, people that are co-dependent,
aren't grounded in their bottom chakras.
They're kind of in the intuitive thing.
They're connecting to everyone else
and they know what everyone else is feeling but themselves,
'cause they're not inside of their body.
So for me, the biggest, biggest game changer
was when I learned how to bring the energy
more inside of my body
and to put the energy in my own frame.
Now, in your frame and in your body's the same thing.
When you're in your own body, you feel present.
You also have more magnetic energy.
And when you are also, like, lacking boundaries,
it's because you're lacking being in your body
and knowing that that's someone else's stuff
and this is your stuff.
Sometimes your stuff is you to take responsibility.
I've had people that have, like, in a way,
guilted me into going different places
and doing different things.
And even look at that language, they guilted me.
How can someone guilt me?
No, I guilt myself
because I feel entitled that I'm not worthy
of my own way of thinking or my own way of being.
Once I started getting in my own body, in my own frame,
it was very easy for me to say,
oh, that's your stuff, not mine.
I don't need to go do that because you want me to,
and then it changes everything.
So realize that's the first one.
The first one is F, and then the last two are Vs, okay?
The first one is frame.
Get in your own frame, be in your own body.
You know, a lot of this, too,
was healing my own childhood wounds
because I realized that I felt a sense of shame.
Shame means I'm broken, there's something wrong with me
when I was a kid, because when my parents
became somewhat emotionally available
'cause they had their own stuff going on,
it's not their fault, but it's there,
but in a way, it was like, you know,
I understand where they're coming from,
but I have compassion for that, but at the same time,
there was a little boy inside of me that felt abandoned.
And I had to realize that that abandonment
wasn't cause I wasn't worthy.
My parents divorcing wasn't cause I'm not worthy.
It was 'cause they had their own stuff going on,
separating my stuff from their stuff.
They had their own stuff going on.
That was on them.
So that is a huge difference,
is that separation within the own frame.
Now the second thing
I want to talk about is vulnerability.
Vulnerability, when people are co-dependent,
they are not expressing their true selves normally.
They are molding to everybody else
so that they can then get validation, approval, and support.
And, of course, there's another V in here.
The V could be validation.
Vulnerability and validation,
giving yourself the validation, self-validation.
And this could be giving yourself
your own words of affirmation,
but it's also just realizing and releasing the shame,
the identity-based shame from childhood.
And vulnerability is how you release shame.
Say someone like Brene Brown that talks about this,
but when you are feeling shameful, you're hiding away.
You're, like, afraid to look at this thing
that may say that you're unworthy,
so you don't want to look at it.
What happens is when you talk about it or you express it,
you then heal
Now, with vulnerability, when you go out into the world
and let's say you're afraid of rejection
because when you were a kid,
you felt emotionally abandoned,
and you don't want to be emotionally abandoned
because then you don't have that sense of validation
because the locus of control's on the external.
But what happens is when you bring the energy
back on side and you stop abandoning the self,
you start feeling empowered.
You don't need that on the outside,
and you start feeling, you know,
more centered within yourself.
Now, the vulnerability part of this, though,
is realizing that as you release
and as you express this different things
and you are not being, you know,
you're not changing and molding
depending on what everybody else wants,
you then have your own sense of gravity.
And for me, this meant that I had to start being,
instead of being afraid of rejection,
I had to start valuing things differently.
Realize if somebody rejects you, then what they,
all you're really doing is saving time.
You're realizing that that's,
there may not be just a vibrational match for you.
It's a way of reframing it,
instead of saying,
it's about my shame, it's about my identity.
So for me, when you're a people pleaser or a nice guy,
you know, that's something I had to shed a year ago,
that came from the shadow
of being afraid of being vulnerable.
It's vulnerable to express your emotions.
It's vulnerable to express how you feel about someone,
if you want to date them.
It's vulnerable to put yourself out there.
It's vulnerable to be honest.
And what you'll find is when you just be vulnerable,
that's real, and it's a lot of times
what people are craving in dating
and those types of dynamics.
So, it only helps you to be vulnerable,
to express how you feel.
There's this little chipmunk that's on this, (laughs)
that's outside.
There's a lot of chipmunks here in Austin.
Just dancing around, it's cool.
I'm doing the video, and it's just, boop.
They're cool.
Frisky little animals.
So vulnerability
is you being able to express yourself
and know that that's who you are.
So there's only benefit of it.
But as you express yourself,
you're also releasing that shame
and you're putting yourself out there more too, you know?
So putting yourself out there,
telling people how you really feel.
Like, people pleasers don't say how they really feel
because they're afraid that if they do,
then they won't be accepted or loved.
So when I started being vulnerable,
I literally had, like, people in my life
that I was, like, very vulnerable with
and start expressing how I feel.
It changed everything.
People felt deeper, they felt closer,
they knew who I really was.
I had more respect because I was respecting myself more
when I was living by that.
Now, the final thing,
so we have that validation slash vulnerability.
We have frame, which means being inside of your own body.
But then the third one, you guys wanna guess what it is?
You guys wanna guess what it is?
It's values.
Values.
What do you value?
Now, when we're talking about,
because that's also within your sense of self.
I realized that when I was dating
and I was, you know, not having a strong sense of values
of what's important to me,
I would then mold mine to whoever I was dating
so I could get them to give me validation.
But once I stopped doing that,
what happened is I started saying, what do I value?
You know, I value authenticity, I value integrity.
I value being honest, being vulnerable.
I value openness.
These are all things I value.
And because I, a lot of times we have our values messed up.
We value other people's validation, what other people think,
over authenticity, over our own integrity.
And because of that, that's when things get murky,
that's when co-dependent patterns are there.
If you switch around your values
and you start to live by the virtues,
these are, like, virtues you live by,
these are, like, almost identity beliefs about who you are,
I started to live by authenticity.
So if I was in a situation with someone
and I was normally afraid of what they would think about me
and afraid of expressing my true self,
instead what I would do is I would try to mold myself,
and, you know, make them happy. But instead, what I would do
is I would express how I really felt.
I mean, this is how I really feel about that.
And by doing that, it would put myself out there,
but it also felt so much more free.
It felt so good.
So, that's something that we can begin to realize, too.
The ideal version of you that's in your own frame,
that's in your own body, that's leading in your life,
that's living by your own virtues,
because then when you're dating, it's more a curiosity.
It's more like,
oh, is this person gonna fit into my reality,
versus, I really hope they like me
and what can I do to, like, change for them?
It becomes this thing that's, like, it's almost curious.
It's a different energy.
It's much more attractive energy, too,
because we're not needy on what is happening on the outside.
So, like I said, these are the three things
you can do to cure neediness.
Also, there is the 21 Day
Magnetic Love Challenge that starts on July 1st.
It's starting soon.
Today's the absolute last day you could possibly join
before we, that I've been talking about it, before we start.
This is 21 days to a more magnetic you.
This is not for people
that just want to passively watch the videos.
This is for people at the end of every live that we do,
there's homework to do,
there's vulnerability challenges to do
that you post in the High Vibe Tribe app.
The High Vibe Tribe app, you will have access to for life.
And we're gonna be going through a process
for becoming magnetic,
releasing that needy co-dependent patterns,
healing attachment styles,
removing love blocks,
going deeper in your own relationships
if you're already in a relationship
or remove intimacy blocks,
becoming and understanding masculine, feminine energy.
These are all things we're gonna be doing
in the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge.
And if you wanna join right now,
all you gotta do is click the link below
or go to aarondoughty.com/love.
I'm super excited for this challenge.
If you can't make the lives every day, there'll be replays
and you can watch them whenever you want.
So this is gonna be, like, a 21 day live event.
Watch it on your own time whenever you want,
but it's gonna be super powerful,
and it's gonna be 21 days to a higher vibrational,
more magnetic version of us.
This is a brand new challenge I've never done before,
and I'm super excited to do it.
So we start on July 1st.
Click the link below, and other than that, as always,
I'll talk to you guys on the next video.
Peace, love, and namaste.