How can I get my wife back after separation? Unfortunately,
this is a very broad topic. I'm going to try and help you with it.
I'm Paul Friedman, I founded The Marriage Foundation
and before I founded The Marriage Foundation, I used to be a divorce
mediator so I have seen what happens in these scenarios.
There are at times, elements of what's going on that tell
you that it's over and when it's over
it's much better even after the separation
especially after the separation to acknowledge
that it's over and don't look back. Don't text her. Don't write to her.
Don't send her love letters. Don't go on social media.
Don't be in her life anymore. You have to reach a point
at times when there's separation when you
accept that the separation is a time of diverting
when your marriage is over. Your relationship is done. Obviously, if
you have children you're still going to be communicating.
You're still going to be raising the children
but there's this element of reality that you have to deal with. Other times
the separation occurs out of anchor, a momentary blow-up
or enough time has passed so that the separation
really doesn't have that fire, that charge anymore where she just does
not want to see you. So if there's any possibility
for reconciliation, the key is change. Not change in
one thing or another but a big global change
on your part that recognizes that who you were in your marriage,
who you were in your relationship wasn't working. And if it wasn't working
for her, it wasn't working for you either.
But sometimes, what happens is that loss triggers in us a desire
to win, to recapture what we never really had
at all and you have to evaluate. Is this something you really want to do?
Is she the right person for you? Is there the potential
for you not even talking about her, but for you to love her unconditionally
which means are you able to see her without any
anger? Are you able to see her without resentment,
without criticism? No criticism at all. Sure, you could recognize that she has
flaws but you can't be critical of those flaws.
Everyone has flaws.
Are you able to see her as the one? If you are
then you need to work on yourself. To do that you're going to need some
help. Some people think, "Oh, I watched this
video. Paul Friedman had some really good ideas.
He gave me some perspective. I'm on it." Well, that would be like me
explaining to you in a video how to build an airplane.
Would you want to fly in it? It's a complex thing. Sure,
someone could explain to you the engineering,
the physics of flying and conceptually, you have it
but there's so many details. And for that, you need to get
I mean I have two books that I've written about marriage.
There's a course for men that you could utilize
but you need to learn about yourself. You need to learn about her. Those are
two big elements in a marriage. You need to learn about marriage.
So these are the three things you need to
really learn about and you're saying, "I know
about myself. I beg to differ." We don't learn these things in school
growing up. We don't learn for instance that we're a soul. We have a
body, we have a mind -- those are possessions
but we're essentially a soul and we're supposed
to and here's the big part. We're literally supposed to control our minds
100%. We're not supposed to get angry. It's an
instinctive reaction from the drive to survive.
We're supposed to have that controlled not just a little bit, not managed. We're
never supposed to be angry. We're supposed to control our emotions.
We're supposed to understand what those are.
We're supposed to understand our biology. As a male,
what's making us tick?
Then we're supposed to understand our spouse as a female.
What makes her tick? All of these things are very important then we're supposed
to understand about marriage.
What is marriage all about? What are the goals?
The visions of marriage?
I profess that when you're married you're supposed to be happier literally
every single day. You're supposed to fall more deeply in
love every single day. How do you do that?
These are the things that you need to learn.
Now, if it's not going to work with your wife.
If reconciliation isn't in the cards, you still have to learn
these things or are you going to be like a worm
wiggling on a hook for the rest of your life
not knowing what's next. When in truth, we're supposed to be masters
over our own destiny.
We live to be happy. We don't live so that we could get
to the next day and then the next and the next
and play video games, get stoned or drink alcohol -- that's not what life is all
about. We're supposed to experience
unconditional love and there's nothing better than marriage
as a vehicle for that to occur so you need to learn about it.
I hope this was helpful. I have a lot of videos
on marriage and relationships and all of those
important things in your life that can make you happy.
So subscribe to the channel, like it, leave a comment if you wish.
My blessings to you. My hope that your life is fulfilled.
God bless!