-Joe Biden had a big night on Super Tuesday,
setting up a two-person race with Bernie Sanders
for the Democratic nomination.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's worth remembering just how high the stakes of this
Democratic primary are, because right as Democrats
are deciding who the nominee will be,
we're also dealing with a national health emergency
over the spread of the coronavirus and a president
who is totally unequipped to handle it.
Today, for example, President Trump spoke
with reporters at the White House
about measures people can take to prevent the spread
of the virus and said this.
-We're always saying the common sense of washing your hands,
not touching your face.
-I haven't touched my face in weeks.
In weeks. I miss it.
-Alright, first of all, that can't be true
otherwise how did this happen?
I mean, if you didn't put all that bronzer on your face,
how did it get there?
It looks like he went to Sephora for a free makeup tutorial
and it just went horribly wrong.
Second, I would just like to say,
you may not have touched your face
but I would love to touch your face,
just to see what the texture is like.
Is it like a sponge or an old pancake?
When you press on it, does it bounce back
like a foam mattress?
Or did you get stuck in place like silly putty?
I guess what I'm asking, if I rolled your face
on a comic strip, would I be able to see Calvin and Hobbs?
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
More importantly, there's been a lack of widespread
national testing for the coronavirus
in the United States compared to other countries
due in large part to the Trump administration's
lack of preparation and the government's
slow and inept response.
One expert called it a national scandal,
so you'll never guess who Trump blamed it on today.
-The Obama administration made a decision on testing
that turned out to be very detrimental to what we're doing.
And we undid that decision a few days ago so that the testing
can take place in a much more accurate and rapid fashion.
-He actually did it. He found a way to blame
the coronavirus on Barack Obama.
Dude, Obama's been out of office for over three years. Let it go.
the man's been wind surfing, white water rafting,
and from the looks of him, playing a Hollywood agent
in a remake of "Entourage."
[ Laughter and applause ]
You know, probably called "Obamtourage."
[ Laughter ]
Seriously, who's Trump going to blame next? Hillary Clinton?
"I heard a rumor that one of Hillary's missing e-mails
had the subject line 'Secret plan to spread coronavirus.'"
Now, last night's results were definitely surprising.
It seemed unlikely just a week ago while Bernie Sanders,
who won the popular vote in the first three states,
still managed to win big delegate hulls
in places like California.
Joe Biden catapulted from his huge victor
in South Carolina to win blowouts in the South
and surprising victories in places like Texas and Minnesota.
And you could tell things were going well for him
because when he took the stage in L.A. to celebrate last night,
he was so giddy, he apparently confused his wife
who was on his right with his sister who was on his left.
-By the way, this my little sister, Valerie,
and I'm Jill's husband.
Oh, no, no. Wait a second.
Oh, you switched on me.
This is my wife, this is my sister.
They switched on me. [ Laughter ]
-Oh, boy, Joe! Oh, boy.
You don't -- you never -- you never --
one of the first rules of politics,
you never want to confuse your wife and your sister
unless you're starring in a reality show on TLC.
Now, there are a lot of takeaways
from the results last night, but one thing I think
we can enjoy is the fact that ex-Republican billionaire
Mike Bloomberg had to drop out today after spending
$500 million in an attempt to buy the election.
In the end, he only won one contest
and it wasn't even in one of the 50 states.
-A disappointing night for Michael Bloomberg.
He only won one territory, American Samoa
and its four delegates despite spending nearly $500 million.
-That's right. He only won one caucus in American Samoa.
These results were so bad for Bloomberg he said "screw it"
and drank a Big Gulp while smoking a cigarette
inside a bar. [ Laughter ]
Bloomberg spent half a billion dollars
and all he got was a nationally televised atomic wedgie
from Elizabeth Warren in the debates.
And even though super Tuesday didn't go the way she wanted,
we owe Warren a debt of gratitude for single handedly
annihilating the Bloomberg campaign.
Elizabeth Warren devoured him in those debates
like the T-Rex from "Jurassic Park."
-I'd like to talk about who we're running against,
a billionaire who calls women fat broads
and horse-faced lesbians.
And, no, I'm not talking about Donald Trump.
I'm talking about Mayor Bloomberg.
[ T-Rex screeches ] -[ Screams ]
-And honestly -- [ Cheers and applause ]
honestly I'm just shocked
he did so poorly because Bloomberg
is such a talented charismatic politician.
Here he was yesterday on the campaign trail busting out
some very advanced Spanish during a Q&A with reporters.
-You spent a lot of time in Texas.
What'd you -- -Tehas we say here.
-What'd you say? -Tehas.
-Tehas? -That's Spanish for Texas.
-Okay.
-[ Speaking Spanish ]
Oh, really.
Is Tehas Spanish for Texas?
Thanks a lot, Miguel.
That's Spanish for Michael.
[ Laughter ]
So the short lived Bloomberg experiment is now at the end
thanks in large part to Elizabeth Warren.
And now after the Super Tuesday results,
the race is narrowed
to two candidates, Biden and Sanders.
And, for the voters and the media,
there seems to be one overwhelming
obsession in this race.
A word you've heard so many times
it probably haunts you in your sleep.
-Electability has been prized by Democratic voters
over and above any policy issue.
-The race clearly is about electability.
-Yes. -This has the electability
since day one.
-The electability argument.
-His electability argument.
-I have the electability case.
-The electability question of the evening.
-It's about that electability.
-People keep talking about electability.
-All they're focused on is electability.
-Electability. -Electability.
-I'm pretty sure electability is Wolf Blitzer's safe word,
which is interesting because mine is Wolf Blitzer.
[ Laughter ]
Never had to use it, and, honestly,
it's insane that we're still talking about
electability three years into the presidency
of the least electable person in the history of elections.
I mean, Donald Trump is like a lab experiment
where a bunch of scientists got together and tried
to create the most unelectable candidate possible.
I mean, they combine the racism of George Wallace
with the corruption of Bernie Madoff,
the trench coat of a mob boss,
and the tan line of a Hairless Sphynx.
[ Laughter and applause
The point is we have no way of knowing
who's the most electable.
Just vote for whoever you think
would make the best president.
So now Democratic Party leaders
have rallied around Biden as the supposedly
electable alternative to Bernie Sanders.
Several former candidates came out in the waning hours
before Super Tuesday to close ranks around Biden.
And at a rally for Biden in Texas, former Congressman
Beto O'Rourke even busted out some of his trademark Spanish.
-We have now seen, even in just the last 24 hours,
this cascade of critical endorsements
coming to back Joe Biden in what has amounted
to a really rapid reset in this race.
Just in the last day, more than 125 endorsements.
-Today I am ending my campaign
and endorsing Joe Biden for president.
-I'm delighted to endorse and support Joe Biden for president.
-On behalf of every one of the 254 counties
of this great state, we welcome Dr. Jill Biden
and Vice President Joe Biden, el próximo presidente
de los Estados Unidos aquí con nosotros este momento.
-And I guess it'd make sense Beto would bust out
some Spanish, because after all he was in...
-Tehas. -So...
[ Laughter ]
The so-called moderates --
[ Applause ]
the so-called moderates in the party joined forces
to stop Bernie, which prompted cable news pundits
to lead on any relevant
pop culture reference they could think of.
First CNN tried a riff on "The Avengers."
-What we saw last night is something
I have to say I have never seen before.
This sea of endorsements by former candidates
all at the last minute before a key day.
Pete Buttigieg, Amy Klobuchar, Beto O'Rourke,
all endorsing Joe Biden.
-It was the great moderate Avengers coming together.
-Political Avengers. -Who cares about the --
Yeah, we're talking about "Avengers."
It was all of them combined together
to get the stones from Thanos.
I thought Thanos was Trump,
but apparently it's Bernie Sanders.
-Alright, first of all, Bernie is definitely not Thanos.
Second, if the moderates are the Avengers,
that would make Joe Biden Chris Evans
at the end of "Endgame."
[ Laughter ]
And then there were Republican pundits like former Bush
administration official and Iraq war champion
David Frum who used this insulting analogy
to describe the difference between Biden and Bernie voters.
-Joe Biden appeals to people who pay their cable bills
on the day it arrives.
Bernie Sanders appeals to people who may forget
to pay their cable bill entirely.
-Alright, not only is that insulting,
but also who needs cable anymore? Just cut the cord.
You know, personally all I watch is Netflix, HBO
and none of the adult channels.
Although Hustler TV does have a great election coverage
on their political roundtable show "Erect-ability."
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
And then CNN tried a different analogy to offer perspective
from the Bernie side by citing "Star Wars."
-I'm hearing a lot of joy and also a lot of pain from,
you know, different sets of friends.
On the one hand, I think there's a joy that there has been
this consolidation for the moderate lane.
But on the other hand, you do have another set of Democrats
who feel like this is the Empire striking back.
-I'm not sure I'd describe the moderates as the Empire.
If you gave Joe Biden a lightsaber,
he'd immediately cut his own leg off
and make a bunch of dad jokes about it.
"How'd I do that? Well, I'm stumped.
[ Laughter ]
My wife liked it. Oh, my sister."
[ Laughter ]
So the race is now dramatically changed from where it was
just one week ago with Biden ahead of Bernie
by about 50 delegates.
As we tape this, it's now a two-person race
with a clear contrast between the moderate
and progressive wings of the party.
And no matter who gets the nomination,
they'll be going up against a guy who's biggest
accomplishment in three years is this.
-I haven't touched my face in weeks.
-This has been "A Closer Look."
[ Cheers and applause ]