Clay Andrews: Is my ex's rebound serious or do I still have
a chance to get back together with them? That's we're going to be talking about in this video,
but first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
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inspiration, motivation, strategies, all that stuff. Anyway, okay, so here we are, we're
talking about your ex's rebound relationship. If you're watching this video, your ex is
probably in a rebound relationship or dating someone else, and you're wondering, is it
a rebound relationship, or is this just some fluff cotton candy thing, or is this the real
deal, and they're going to get married and have a million babies together or something
like that? Okay, so let's talk about this. So first of
all, most people get into a relationship with the best intentions, whatever that relationship
is. Very few people get into a relationship and there's like, "Yeah, whatever. This is
the thing I can do for now, it's fun, and I'll just get out of it later." Very few people
have that mentality. Most people get into a relationship thinking like, "Hey, I feel
a connection with you, you feel connection with me, let's get together. We like spending
time together, let's spend more time together." And so most people go into a relationship
with good intentions, with the intention of like, "Okay, this might be the relationship."
Maybe they're not overtly thinking that, but they're open to the idea of it panning out
that way if they continue to spend time together and things continue to go well. And that includes
rebound relationships as well too. Now people can have different sorts of reactions
in a rebound relationship. One of the things that we've talked about in previous videos
is that there is that whole possibility of what we call psychological displacement. That
is to say, you and your ex, when you were together, you had this certain level of commitment,
maybe you were considering getting married or moving in together or something like that.
And maybe it took you a certain amount of time to get to that point where you were openly
considering that possibility, maybe a year, let's just say year. And then the two of you
broke up for whatever reason, and then your ex got into this rebound relationship with
someone else. And then in a very short period of time, maybe just a couple of weeks or months,
now suddenly they have fast-forwarded the relationship to hit that similar level of
commitment where suddenly they're talking about moving in together or getting married
or something like that. And you're thinking like, "Hey, it took us
a year to get there, why did it only take you guys a couple of weeks or a couple of
months?" And there's a part of you that maybe thinks, "Oh, well maybe it's the real deal
because they figured it out so much more quickly." But actually what they're doing is they're
matching that new relationship to the relationship that they had with you. They're matching that
level of commitment, that's to say they're displacing the amount of commitment that they
had with you onto this new relationship so that it can somehow feel familiar to them.
This is very common, people do this a lot, and so don't be surprised if you find that
your ex is doing that. It's not a sign that their relationship is so much better, or that
they're so much more sure about it, or anything like that, it's just that they're just recreating
a familiar relationship dynamic that they had with you with someone else. It's a really
weird thing, but people do it. And it doesn't mean that their relationship
is crazy serious or anything, of course they're in the thick of it, and so they might think
that this is the real thing, they might think that this is serious, but we know better because
we've seen this so many times that we can look at this and say, "Okay, that's just psychological
displacement." And so don't worry about that. What you want do is not look at your ex's
relationships so much and try to analyze every detail of it to figure out, "Okay, is this
serious? Is this not serious? Do I have a chance? Do I not have a chance?" What you
want to do is you want to look at how you can create a strong emotional connection with
your ex, how you can connect with your ex, how you can create a stronger emotional bond
with them so that they would want to connect with you more, so they would want to set aside
obstacles that might be standing between the two of you, like maybe a rebound relationship.
And this is what can happen when you focus solely on the emotional connection between
you and your ex. I've said it many, many, many times on this channel, the thing that
matters the most is the quality of emotional connection that you have with your ex. It
doesn't matter if they're in a rebound relationship with someone else, it doesn't matter if they're
long distance, it doesn't matter if this other thing is in place, it doesn't matter if all
their friends hate you or anything like that, these are things that need to be addressed
at some point for sure, but the most important thing for you to focus on is? The quality
the emotional connection between you and your ex.
Because if you can get them to actually enjoy spending time with you, enjoy interacting
with you, enjoy getting closer to you, they're going to want to continue to get closer with
you, and they're going to actually become your ally in getting things in alignment so
that the two of you can actually get back together. They're going to start to do a lot
of the hard work for you, so it's not you trying to fight off the rebound relationship
and suddenly your ex is trying to fight off the rebound relationship, and you don't have
to worry about that. Probably not too easy for you to actually fight off the rebound
relationship yourself. So what you want to do is you want to focus on the quality of
the emotional connection between you and your ex of course. By the way, if you're not already
aware of it, we do have a video series on rebound relationships, you can check that
out up there, we go into things like psychological displacement and other rebound relationship
qualities in much greater detail. But yeah, yeah. Do not worry about whether
or not your ex's rebound relationship is serious or not. Again, all it takes for a relationship
to work is for two people to make a decision to stay together. And if you can just keep
that connection strong with you and your ex, then they are much more likely to choose to
be in a relationship with you. Now, why is that? Why is that? Doesn't the rebound to
have some advantage over you because they have some novel appeal? Or because, I mean,
oftentimes people will look at a rebound and say like, "Oh, well, there are so much more
attractive than me." Or, "They're younger than me." Or, "They're so much better than
me in some other way." But don't look at it that way.
You have to choose the battleground that you're willing to fight on, and remember, what do
I say is the most important thing here? The emotional connection. And there are so few
people out there that know how to have a quality emotional connection. Really, it's very, very,
very, very few people. We can talk about that later, but spoiler alert, it has something
to do with these little things that we have with us in our day-to-day lives everywhere.
Very few people can actually have that emotional connection because our attention is so splintered
because of these things like smartphones, social media apps, things like that, that
we have just forgotten how to be still and to have a connection with one another and
to actually talk and to actually explore one another. And so if you can bring yourself
to an interaction with your ex with that degree of presence, with that degree of stillness,
with that degree of curiosity, with that degree of being grounded in who you are, what you
stand for, what is important to you in your life, then you are going to stand head and
shoulders above any one else out there who is zoned out on Instagram, or Facebook, or
whatever. So put in the time, go through those advanced
relational skills we've talked about, by the way, there's a playlist on advanced relational
skills up there as well too. But go ahead and make sure that you practice these things
and learn how to connect on an emotional level, because that is what is going to help you
to win out over any rebound. So don't worry about where things are at between your ex
and their rebound relationship, worry about how you are connecting with your ex, worry
about where that emotional connection is at, how you can help advance it, how you can help
get progress in that emotional connection, and you're going to basically be pulling them
onto your side so that they can do a lot of the work for you in terms of ending that rebound
relationship, getting closer to you, and clearing a path for the two of you to actually get
back together again. So I hope that's helped you out. I hope this
video has helped you to hopefully refocus things a little bit more, so you're not constantly
looking at a rebound relationship and micro analyzing it, but you're looking at what?
The quality of the emotional connection between you and your ex, and doing what you can do
to optimize that and improve it as much as you possibly can.
If you want to learn more about how to do all of that, we do have that email newsletter
down below, feel free to sign up, it's no cost, a lot of people say they get great value
out of it, we get emails from people all the time that are like, "Wow, this is really cool.
I can't believe that this is totally free." But, hey, there it is, go ahead and sign up
if you want. But yeah, it's down there. And once again, my name is Clay with modernlove.life,
if you like what we're doing, hit that thumbs up button, it does help us out a lot with
the YouTube algorithm. And if you want to learn more about rebound relationships, we
have a video playlist on the topic right over here, or you might want to check out this
video over here, but thank you so much, please take care, and I'll talk to you in the next
video.