She might be out of the church, but she still doesn't want to be free.
So what does this unique reality star want now?
These are the most poignant and painful revelations in Jinger Duggar's new memoir.
Viewers first met Jinger Duggar's ever-expanding family when they appeared in the 2004 television
special "14 Children and Pregnant Again!"
Parents Jim Bob Duggar and Michelle Duggar kept having children, and a series of specials
eventually evolved into the long-running TLC series "19 Kids and Counting."
In 2023, Jinger released another book titled "Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling
Faith from Fear."
She told BuzzFeed News that one reason she wrote it is because she regrets some of the
teachings she promoted in "Growing Up Duggar."
She also delves into the darker side of growing up Duggar that TLC viewers didn't get to see.
In November 2016, Jinger Duggar married Jeremy Vuolo, a former professional soccer goalie
who later became a pastor.
In her book, Duggar reveals that she and Vuolo didn't get an opportunity to watch a film
together until they were on their honeymoon.
Their pick was the 1998 Jim Carrey dramedy "The Truman Show," which is about a man who
discovers that his entire life has been filmed for a reality show.
Duggar writes,
"I had never seen it before.
(That's something I can say about a lot of movies!)"
The former "Counting On" star's parents placed severe restrictions on the films their kids
could watch.
Most of the modern fare they deemed acceptable was specifically targeted towards a Christian
audience.
According to Duggar, "The Truman Show" felt familiar to her life, too.
She saw numerous similarities between the movie's main character and herself, writing,
"Many people from the outside world have opinions and expectations about who Truman should be
and how he should live…
After we finished the movie, I turned to Jeremy and said, 'That movie is my life."
In 2021, Jinger Duggar and Jeremy Vuolo co-authored "The Hope We Hold: Finding Peace in the Promises
of God."
In the book, Jinger recalls her wide-eyed excitement over watching her family's first
documentary "14 Children and Pregnant Again!"
on DVD, writing
"I grinned so hard my cheeks hurt."
The entire family was pleased with the end results, but Jinger couldn't have predicted
that it was the start of a rocky 14-year reality career.
In 2015, TLC canceled the Duggars' series "19 Kids and Counting" after police reports
were released alleging that Jinger's oldest brother, Josh Duggar, had molested some of
his younger sisters when he was a minor.
The show was quickly replaced with the Josh-free spinoff "Counting On," but TLC decided against
keeping any of the Duggars on TV after Josh was indicted for receiving child sexual abuse
material in 2021.
At the time, Jinger published an Instagram post saying that she supported TLC's decision
to end the show, but in "Becoming Free Indeed," she confesses that she cried when it was canceled.
"So many emotions poured out of me that day.
I felt sad.
Filming had been a constant in my life since I was around ten years old."
In her book, Jinger Duggar also speculates that being thrust in front of the camera at
a young age and subjected to the scrutiny of millions of strangers may have played a
part in her becoming fixated on her weight.
She started putting pressure on herself to look perfect, confessing that she worried
a great deal about what others thought about her, writing,
"Convinced my body was an embarrassment, I ate very little.
I'd go days hardly consuming any calories.
My weight dropped, but my body image didn't improve.
It almost never does in those situations because the weight isn't the problem."
Jinger previously opened up about her eating disorder in a 2021 Us Weekly interview, revealing
that her struggle started at age 14.
According to Jinger, she eventually spoke to her mother about what she was going through,
knowing that Michelle Duggar had once struggled with disordered eating herself.
Michelle then started checking in with her daughter to make sure that she was consuming
a healthy amount of calories each day.
Jinger Duggar also seems to have reconsidered her stance on her family's teachings, writing,
"If someone struggled with impure thoughts because of something I wore, then I bore some
responsibility for that person's sin."
Her own mother, Michelle Duggar, admitted that she was responsible for instilling this
belief in her daughters from childhood, in accordance with the teachings of the Institute
in Basic Life Principles.
In a 2013 post on the TLC blog Parentables post, Michelle revealed that she encouraged
them to wear shirts with high necklines and skirts with long hemlines to avoid "defrauding"
potential sinners.
She wrote,
"My kids are taught the definition of defrauding as stirring up desires that cannot be righteously
fulfilled."
Michelle also told PopSugar that she felt guilty about wearing a bikini to do yard work
during her pre-IBLP days, saying,
"[I] had no idea what I was doing to my neighbor's husband across the street."
After rejecting the IBLP's teachings, Jinger saw the dangerous flaw in this line of thinking.
She writes in her memoir,
"That logic shifts blame away from the individual committing the sin.
In extreme circumstances, it can put blame on the victims of assault instead of the abusers."
"Counting On" followed Jinger Duggar and Jeremy Vuolo's relationship journey, so viewers got
their umpteenth rundown of the Duggars' famous courtship rules.
Joseph Duggar listed off a few during a 2016 episode:
"You can do side hugs.
No frontal hugs, no holding hands, no kissing."
In "Becoming Free Indeed," Jinger expresses her frustration with another courtship rule
that her parents strictly enforce: dates must be chaperoned.
She explains that she liked Vuolo but wasn't yet certain whether she considered him marriage
material.
Jinger really wanted to get to know him on a deeper level before making such a critical
determination, but her parents' restrictions made this impossible.
She writes,
"When we were with each other in person, we had a chaperone, which a lot of times was
one of my younger siblings.
We obviously didn't want to have those important discussions that every couple needs to have
if a brother or sister was in earshot."
Jinger later told People that she now finds her family's rules funny and no longer sees
anything wrong with dating.
"I've seen more people honor God — and live a very beautiful life — who have dated,
and sometimes even better than courtship."
According to Jinger Duggar, one of IBLP founder Bill Gothard's most effective tools was fear.
She writes,
"All I had to do was deposit the exact lifestyle Gothard advocated, and I would withdraw health,
money, a wonderful husband, and a bushel of godly kids.
But this cause-and-effect view was also terrifying because I thought I would experience devastating
consequences for any mistakes I made."
This fear and uncertainty gained such a tight grip on Duggar that she found it difficult
to make simple decisions.
In an interview with People, she recalled grappling with whether it would be okay for
her to play a game with her family instead of studying her Bible.
"If I step outside of that, God's going to be so displeased with me, it could bring harm
to myself."
Apparently, Gothard loved to use car crash anecdotes to instill the fear of God in his
followers.
Speaking to Fox News, Duggar recalled Gothard sharing a story about a young driver who met
an untimely end because he was listening to rock music behind the wheel.
It left quite an impression on her; upon hearing rock music on a car radio, she went into panic
mode.
"I just thought, 'Goodness, this is it.
We're going to have a car accident because somebody turned this on.
I was so fearful.
It just consumed my life."
In an appearance on the "Relatable" podcast, Jinger Duggar explained why she lived at home
with her parents well into adulthood.
Bill Gothard apparently taught his followers that there's a patriarchal household hierarchy
called "the umbrella of authority."
"God is here, he's up here, and then your parents are here and you're below that umbrella."
As Jinger said on the podcast,
"If you come out from under their authority by moving out of the home, by getting a job,
then you're opening yourself up to Satan's attacks because you don't have an umbrella.
That's what I believed wholeheartedly, and that's why I stayed."
When she married Jeremy Vuolo, Duggar finally got to leave the nest.
The couple initially settled in Laredo, Texas.
The move was a massive culture shock for Duggar, who had lived in Arkansas her entire life.
In "Becoming Free Indeed," she details her struggle to make meaningful connections with
people outside her family.
Her anxiety and worry over the way others perceived her didn't help, and she even burst
into tears while trying to converse with a member of her church.
"The pressure of figuring out what to say, combined with the fear of saying the wrong
thing, became overwhelming...
Moments like that almost didn't feel real.
They were more like out-of-body experiences."
On the "Relatable" podcast, Jinger Duggar recalled how her father, Jim Bob Duggar, made
Jeremy Vuolo watch over 60 hours of Bill Gothard's seminars before he could get engaged to Jinger.
Unfortunately for her father, Jinger says that this is when she started questioning
Gothard's teachings.
She watched them along with Vuolo, and he would stop and point out flaws in the religious
leader's views.
Soon, Jinger was viewing a man she once revered in a much different light.
She said on the podcast,
"I can't say like, 'Oh, it was a cult, but I can say very cult-like in nature."
In "Becoming Free Indeed," Jinger also mentions Gothard's sexual abuse scandal.
He resigned from the IBLP in 2014 after multiple former members accused him of sexual harassment.
Some of the victims alleged that they were underage when Gothard took advantage of his
leadership position to prey upon them.
In a lawsuit that a group of the women filed against Gothard, the plaintiffs wrote, quote,
"It was common for people to joke about [his] 'harem.'"
According to Jinger, she and her sisters had a different name for these young women: "Gothard's
Girls."
In her book, she recalls having a laugh over putting on a blonde wig and pretending to
be one of the girls recruited to join Gothard's staff.
In her book, she says,
"Now, after everything that's happened over the past ten years, I realize the joke wasn't
funny."
Jinger Duggar opens "Becoming Free Indeed" by pointing out how difficult it can be for
someone to cut ties with a community that managed to infiltrate almost every aspect
of their life.
But that's exactly what she decided to do by rejecting the religious principles that
would remain important to many of her family members and friends.
For Duggar, leaving the IBLP also meant potentially losing friends.
She writes,
"I may not be invited to events and into homes.
Some may not appreciate that I'm speaking out on this topic.
Others could assume the worst of my motives."
Speaking to The List, Duggar confessed that she was reticent about sharing her story because
she feared the inevitable backlash.
"As I was writing the book, there were many days where I would just cry.
I was like, 'Is this worth it?
Is this what I'm supposed to do?'"
Knowing that there were others who had weathered similar storms gave her the courage to push
on, as did knowing that her story might help readers.
Duggar also spoke to ET about how her family members reacted to her book, revealing that
there was a divide between those who had joined her in leaving the IBLP and those who had
not.
"Some were more excited for me to share this story, while others may agree to disagree
because they have their own opinions."
In "Becoming Free Indeed," Jinger Duggar acknowledges the Free Jinger forum, a snarky online community
that was pushing for her to remove herself from her family.
While Jinger finds it somewhat sweet that a large group of strangers was rooting for
her to enjoy unrestrained freedom, if "Becoming Free Indeed" readers were expecting her to
start living by her own rules, they were sorely disappointed.
At the beginning of the book, Duggar explains that it's mostly about how she's keeping her
Christian faith fully intact.
She writes a lot about her struggle to overcome her many fears but admittedly never gathers
up the courage to attempt to navigate life without someone else's guidance.
She explains,
"I've come to see that unfettered freedom does not produce the good life.
In the end, it often leads to more bondage.
Why?
Because it puts me in charge of my life, and I am not the best judge of what is best for me."