Brainy Dose Presents: Why Some People Are Mean, Rude, And Disrespectful
Have you ever met a rude person and simply wondered why? Why are they so unpleasant?
It’s normal to feel attacked when someone acts with inappropriate or unjustified
furious behavior - it can be hurtful. After all, you’re just trying your best.
It turns out you’re not alone in feeling offended by the offensive manners of others.
Many people believe that disrespect wins out over courtesy, and that rude
behavior is worsening. This begs the question:
what makes some people so mean? And, what’s causing the popularity of a mean mentality?
Well, there are a variety of causes that make people mean,
disrespectful, and inconsiderate. So let’s examine some sources of rudeness - they may surprise you!
Insecurity
Have you ever had a bad day? If you’ve ever felt negative or especially
critical of yourself, you know it can be difficult to see others in a good light. Excessively rude
people have those bad days all the time. When people feel down about themselves,
they’re less likely to treat others with care. That’s because if they feel they don’t have value,
they can’t see the value in others. Low self-esteem can create barriers
between a person and their understanding of others - and even their own behavior.
Often, deeply insecure people overcompensate by masking their low self-image with cockiness,
appearing boorish and rude in an attempt to look - or feel - strong.
Personal Problems
You may have never had a ‘bad self-image’ day, but surely, you’ve had your fair share of struggles.
Our behavior is a reflection of our mindset, and no one can be peachy keen all the time.
Life presents seemingly endless frustrations - like problems at work, relationship drama,
financial burdens, challenges, and failures. When stress levels rise, it’s easy to lash out
at others, act curt or impolite, and possess an air of rudeness. Stress does this to everyone,
including kind and polite people. Can you remember a time you were
on the wrong end of a rude encounter because of the strain in your life?
When we feel frustrated, it’s easy to act impulsively and say the wrong things.
So, you might want to cut that rude person some slack, especially if you’ve been in their shoes.
Learned Behavior
Parenting styles aren’t the same from family to family or even child to child.
Just think about it for a second - think about the environment you were raised in.
If vulgar words were seen as normal, or you had a role model who experienced fits of
rage with violent behavior, you likely grew up believing these actions were acceptable.
Some people grow up without ever learning how to maintain a healthy relationship - or how to
interact with others nicely for that matter. Sometimes, rude people carry the behavior they
learned early on into their adult lives. Instead of learning how to cope with stress in a healthy
way, they have enraged outbursts at others. They just don’t know any better.
Personality And Mood Disorders
Having an unhealthy or unstable home life can result in a bad attitude, as we discussed,
but it can also lead to serious psychological trauma.
Emotional turmoil caused by negativity or violence in childhood can cause personality
or mood disorders which permanently affect the brain, and ultimately, the victim or witness.
Symptoms of a larger, and often deprecating issue appear as behavioral patterns that make
a person seem mean, disrespectful, or rude. Personality disorders, such as Narcissism or
Borderline Personality Disorder, can cause the person with the
condition to come off as inconsiderate. They struggle with a lack of empathy and
a tendency to disregard the feelings of others - often because they were never
taught socially acceptable behavior as a child - like how to respect boundaries.
Cultural Differences
While the last few reasons aren’t directly connected to our modern world - this next one is.
With the booming popularity and accessibility of global travel - in combination with an
ever-increasing population - our communities are becoming denser and more culturally diverse.
This means that ‘normal and acceptable’ behavior in one culture, can be perceived
as ‘rude or inappropriate’ in another. For example, Germans prefer those who are blunt.
British people tend to beat around the bush about delicate matters.
To the German, the Brits politeness is rude. To the Brit, the Germans frankness is abrasive.
This happens from country to country and even community to community.
Some people think being quiet is respectful. In other families,
loudness is cherished, and being quiet could come off as rude.
Miscommunication Or Misunderstanding
Whenever we engage with another person, we take part in the collaborative process of
communication. And sometimes, it doesn’t run as smoothly as we’d like it to.
Miscommunication happens when the speaker says something wrong. And misunderstanding happens when
someone interprets that information wrong. Whether there are cultural differences or
misperceptions, something gets lost in translation from one mind to another.
One person might misunderstand the other based on word choice, body language, missing information,
or assumptions. When you think about it, it’s pretty easy to get it wrong when
you could mean so many different things. When we’re trying to get our point across,
we usually don’t mean to confuse the other person. But misunderstandings can
result in arguments, where both parties find the other one to be in the wrong.
Too Much Tech
Our emerging modern world comes with great technological advances,
but sometimes the benefits have dark shadows, too. A fast-paced digital world has made connecting
easier than ever - for better and worse. With phones that never leave our sides,
the constant pinging of notifications and the draw of social media beg for our attention 24/7.
Brightly lit screens that demand immediate responses are creating a new mental strain
that society didn’t experience even 15 years ago. This urgency and oppressiveness of always being
connected is a modern condition that causes anxiety and stress - two feelings that easily
lead to frustration and aggression. And while technology has thrust
us into the future, it may also be contributing to the rise of rudeness.
Underdeveloped Emotional Intelligence
While there are many complex reasons someone might come off as rude or inconsiderate,
this one is pretty simple. Some people just haven’t matured, yet. They
lack awareness. They don’t understand how their actions impact others. Like children who struggle
to share their toys, these individuals struggle to grasp the idea of other’s emotions. You can also
say they have low emotional intelligence. The sad truth is that these
people may never learn. With no understanding of how their behavior
might hurt other people, they are entirely unable to consider others before acting or speaking.
Good Intentions With Poor Results
Thinking back to communication - sometimes we misunderstand
someone’s actions or words as hurtful - when that was not their intention.
Examples of this include: over-protective parents or micromanaging supervisors.
Attempts to control or alter aspects of your life or your work can be insulting, but it’s
not always intentional. Your parents probably just want to ensure that you have a good life;
your boss simply wants you to do good work - even though they may come off as rude.
Most of the time, you can resolve issues like this by bringing up your feelings to the perpetrator.
If they care about your well-being, they will want to know if they hurt you by accident.
Other times, a person might justify their aggression or disrespect as a means to
“toughen” someone up and get them ready for the real world. While their actions are harmful,
the person believes they are doing good. This rudeness is a monster of their own making.
Trying to talk to them may help, but they might just have low emotional intelligence.
People are born, for the most part, as blank slates.
We learn and adapt to the world around us - which isn’t always the best world to grow up in.
When feeling frustrated, even those with the purest intentions can become overwhelmed by
their circumstances and appear rude, inconsiderate, or straight-up mean.
Most people aren’t rude for the sake of meanness. Their behavior usually stems from past trauma or
current suffering that puts too much emotional strain on them to even consider being polite.
If you find yourself as the innocent victim of another person’s meanness, the only way through it
is with immense patience and empathy - as meeting rudeness with rudeness only adds fuel to the fire.
There will always be negativity and meanness out there in the world,
but if you can maintain your morality, you might be able
to break the cycle - adding positivity to their life and yours in the process.
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