- Guess what?
I tried (giggling) online dating.
Oh, yes I did.
I'm sure you won't be surprised
that it did not work for me. Why?
I'm gonna tell you in a second,
but the takeaway message is online dating is contributing
to the fall of Western civilization.
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Online dating did not go well for many reasons.
First, I think people thought I was lying
when I said that I was me.
That's super awkward and the topic for a whole other video.
Second, people may not have wanted to go out with me,
which I get.
You know, like life in a fish bowl,
I'm really complicated and I'm super outspoken,
I make a weird amount of money.
I get it, I'm not for everyone, I get it.
Third, people just may not have liked my description
of myself as someone who enjoys X-Men, neuroscience,
and Scotch, in that order.
Not your thing, fine.
Here's ultimately why online dating just isn't my thing.
(bongos drumming)
The number one reason why online dating did not work for me
and possibly is contributing to the fall
of Western civilization as we know it
is that it is shopping for humans.
(giggling) You're shopping for humans.
You see a couple pictures of someone
and you decide whether or not you wanna buy that human
or rent them.
Also, not judging you if this is your thing.
For me, it started to feel really creepy.
When someone posts a profile and picture of themselves,
they are carefully curating the image that they want you
to see of them.
Online dating makes it
so that we're effectively sales people,
trying to post the things that will make you swipe
on the life that I think you want to see me having.
It's not natural.
I mean, it's not.
It's not the way that humans have ever interacted
in like the history of homo sapiens.
In real life, you don't swipe on people.
Swiping is dehumanizing.
It reduces us to objects.
You are shopping for humans.
(bongos drumming)
The second reason that online dating really didn't work
for me is that most, many, most, all, many, most men
that I saw pictures of are not the kind of men,
based on those pictures, that I would be interested in
and I don't think they would be interested in me either.
I saw a lot of pictures of men on yachts.
I saw a lot of pictures of men posing with what appeared
to be like legit strippers.
A lot of pictures in Vegas.
A lot of dudes with beer and all different kinds of alcohol.
A lot of cigar pictures.
A lot of shirtless, oiled up, waxed chests
and if this is your idea of like the kind
of guy you wanna go out with,
there are plenty of them out there.
Knock yourself out.
For me, it's not really my jam.
Where, where pray tell, are all the poets and the dreamers,
and the guys who are like into Indie Rock and Sci-Fi,
and like documentary films,
and drinking coffee late at night,
and talking about philosophy?
Where are those guys?
Scrolling through hundreds and possibly thousands
of pictures of people who were not that guy was not my idea
of a way to spend time and while cold beer
and waxed chests don't directly contribute to the fall
of Western civilization,
I put it in here because it's funny and it's true.
(bongos drumming)
The third reason that online dating is contributing
to the fall of Western civilization or the second,
if you're paying attention and you're a stickler,
is the fact that it provides too many options.
Dating apps make you feel like there's always someone
out there who's just a little bit better
than the person that you're dating right now
or the possibility exists.
You can't be present with the person you're sitting
across the table from if you're constantly thinking
about what else is out there.
It's hard to be content when you know
that there are thousands and thousands
of other possibilities for you
and you're much less likely to give someone a second chance
if you would rather just think like,
I'll just login and start swiping
and I'll find someone better.
Many sociological studies on dating apps
in particular have shown that we are much less likely
to stick it out if we're constantly assuming
that there are other options out there.
I mean, is this why so many people are getting divorced?
I don't know, maybe this is contributing to the fall
of Western civilization.
(bongos drumming)
That's like liquor on the rocks, sex over dating.
No, ice cream on pie, over pie.
Sex over dating.
The fourth reason that I think online dating is contributing
to the fall of Western civilization is
that it is encouraging people to have sex instead of date.
Sex is healthy and fun and important
and the sex between committed people is super,
duper awesome.
It's something I believe in.
I always have and I always will
and I don't begrudge people who want to have sex
rather than date.
A lot people say that online dating has allowed women
to kind of level the playing field when it comes to sex.
We get to be in charge and we get to seek out people
and we get to have pleasure,
but for young men in this space in particular,
we're finding that it's kind of becoming a way
for men to have their cake and eat it too.
Women indeed can end up wracking up sex partners
like men do,
but women and men are not biologically the same.
I mean, sure, men and women both need and deserve sex,
but the complexity of sex is different for men and women
by in large.
Women connect differently, women react differently,
women are raised in the patriarchy differently than men
who are raised in the patriarchy.
While online dating is something that I once tried
to use for more options,
ultimately it didn't work for me
because it had too many options.
My options were to ignore my instincts.
I rejected that.
My options were to view people like puppies
in a pet store window.
I rejected that too.
My options were to get back out there
and go have sex with some strangers.
I rejected that.
My options were also to consider the online dating pool
and an open, infinite, wonderful place of exploration
and freedom and liberation.
I did not find those things and so I rejected it.
I know that online dating is the wave of the present
and possibly the wave of the future
and I'm very grateful that I only went on a few dates
and didn't have sex on any of them.
Just in case you're wondering,
the conventional ways of meeting people still exist.
You can meet them at school or while doing hobbies.
You can meet them at a synagogue or at church,
or any number of places that people congregate in person.
Art museums, political rallies, coffee shops,
some of my favorite places to hang out,
but no one was looking for me there.
Different story.
It might take some extra work to meet people in person,
but you may ultimately thank yourself
and so will all of Western civilization.
Thank you again to Audible who are sponsoring this video.
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