INFJs are deeply feeling human beings who tend to have this incessant need to always
help others.
While this is an honorable quality, and the thing that makes INFJs so special, being this
way can be very detrimental to them, as it often leaves them sacrificing their own needs
for the needs of others.
INFJs have this inborn anxiety with disappointing people.
Some people accuse them of being people-pleasers, and frankly, they can be,
You compromise who you are in order to get people to like you.
I don’t do that.
Please.
I’ve seen you at work.
Go you Koalas!
*Cheers*
Go you, Barn Owls!
*Cheers*
Why do they call it women’s basketball, it’s just basketball?
Am I right?
*Cheers*
Oh my god, you’re right.
This is not because they don’t have minds of their own, or they’re incapable of saying
no, it is rather they value harmony most of all, and so their default state is typically
to put people at ease.
In practice, this often means going along with others’ ideas and plans
For example, they’ll go to a crappy movie, restaurants that don't accommodate their dietary
needs, or parties that bore them just because their partner or friends want to.
While compromise from time to time is a good thing and advisable in interpersonal relationships,
for some INFJs it can get to an unhealthy stage.
They will do things against their own interest, avoid conflicts at all costs and generally
not prioritize their own wants and needs.
Essentially, a lot of INFJs simply lack the necessary boundaries to prioritize or protect
themselves.
This can cause them to be continuously disrespected, stepped over, and taken advantage of.
So, let’s explore why INFJs are TERRIBLE at SETTING BOUNDARIES (and how to FIX IT).
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INFJs need to be aware of their ‘Nice Guy/ Girl’ tendencies when setting boundaries
INFJs have Extroverted Feeling as one of their core cognitive functions, and it is mainly
responsible for how they make decisions.
If Extroverted Feeling had a catchphrase, it would be;
Can we…
can we all just get along.
INFJ’s are programmed to be the seekers of harmony, with others and between others.
They are predisposed to be more concerned with other people’s feelings than their
own.
They make decisions based on how they will affect other people first, before even considering
their interests.
They are the quintessential ‘Nice Guy or girl” and as the saying goes, they often
finish last.
INFJs are great targets for narcissists and other toxic individuals, for this reason.
They tend to assume that everyone will be as kind and considerate as them.
A lot of INFJs have to go through intense trauma to realize this is not the case – some
people are made to be the complete opposite, and they will always take advantage if allowed.
INFJ need to set boundaries to combat their natural instincts to help everyone, including
those that don’t deserve it.
If they don’t, they will have to learn this the hard way by encountering narcissists and
other toxic people.
The experience of this can be enormously damaging for an INFJ and can leave them broken, never
to trust again.
INFJs need to Trust their intuition when setting boundaries
INFJs have Introverted Intuition as their most advanced cognitive function.
Introverted intuition does an incredible job of observing patterns on a large scale.
For INFJs this means having keen observations related to human behavior.
Some people often refer to their ability to see into people's intentions or predict future
outcomes as psychic.
Although it can be spookily accurate, there is nothing supernatural about an INFJs intuition,
it’s simply the way their minds are programmed to work.
Then what is it?
I do not trust him, Sir.
What do you distrust?
His nature Sir, like many charming people he conceals an almost absolute dependence
on the appreciation of others.
They are able to scan through loads of varying sensory information and grasp patterns and
connections that give them clues about their environment and the people in it.
This is usually done on a subconscious level and so it can be hard for the INFJ to understand
why they suddenly feel this way.
It can also be exponentially harder to try and explain these feelings to others.
The society’s most INFJs find themselves in, tends to have an inability to appreciate
and value the power of intuition.
The fact there is no quantifiable data often means it is dismissed as delusional and nonsensical.
INFJs, therefore, grow up thinking this is a side of them that is crazy, and they should
keep it hidden, or else people will think they are crazy.
This is perhaps the greatest injustice our world commits against INFJs.
An INFJs intuition is their greatest strength if harnessed.
Unfortunately, it’s usually only in maturity that INFJs fully utilize and trust their intuition.
INFJs with strong intuition can sense when something doesn’t feel right with someone
they know; this can be detected through body language, changes in the tone of their voice,
changes to their usual responses.
All this can indicate something is out of the ordinary or betray underlying emotions.
An INFJs intuition can connect significant details that, to others, might have gone unnoticed,
and make usually accurate conclusions as to what it all means.
An INFJ who trusts their intuition is better able to experience these “aha!”
moments of suddenly understanding what is wrong with the person and why they shouldn’t
be trusted.
Intuition can therefore be a great tool when setting boundaries as it is able to analyze
possible warning signs, that protection is needed.
INFJs should not feel shame for setting boundaries around certain people, simply because their
intuition is telling them to.
Ignoring it will usually be at their own peril.
INFJs need to be more assertive with communicating their boundaries
INFJs are one of the more sensitive personality types in the MBTI.
They have the ability to understand the perspective of others and absorb their emotions as if
it were their own.
Empathy is another INFJ superpower, but it can also be their kryptonite when it comes
to certain things in adult life, such as managing and engaging in conflict.
Of course, this is going to vary depending on maturity, confidence, and skillset but
INFJs tend to approach conflict in one of 4 ways;
1.
They try to appease other parties by giving in until the point they feel drained out, and
just retreat to their solitude.
Once refreshed, they pretend nothing has happened.
2.
They would not confront the conflict right away.
Instead, they would reflect, analyze and come up with the words to say that does not burn
bridges between the parties but gets their point across.
3.
Because of idealism, they can expect a great deal from others which others do not understand.
Hence relationships can be one-sided.
So, they end up just keeping their negative emotions inside them for fear of losing that
relationship
4.
INFJ Door Slam, where the INFJ just locks themselves away and that’s probably the
last time you will ever see them.
This one usually happens after serious hurt has been caused, or they have reached their
limit with someone.
The reality of this is, that most people are not intentionally trying to hurt an INFJ,
it’s just that they usually don’t understand the importance of a particular boundary to an INFJ.
An INFJ’s aversion to conflict can make communicating certain boundaries difficult.
INFJs need to understand not everyone has as a great of an intuition as them.
No one will sense their boundaries and just know what to do; most people need to be told.
` The setting of boundaries is an important
self-care tool for all INFJs.
However, as kind idealist who are wired to freely help when needed, boundaries can be
incredibly difficult for them.
Not only in creating them, but in enforcing them, because due to their empathetic nature,
feelings of guilt and doubt will inevitably start to creep in.
It will take some real changes in the way an INFJ thinks about their life and the way
they approach people who don’t respect their space.
Ultimately, INFJs need to set and enforce clear boundaries in order to keep themselves
safe.
There is too much callousness and insensitivity in this world, for an INFJ to exist unscathed otherwise.