Film Courage: You talked about reprogramming yourself and that
that old person was essentially gone and there was a new person with new
thoughts. Is this common for people especially filmmakers and artists?
Antoine Allen, Filmmaker: No because most artists and people in general we doubt ourselves. We all
are our own worst enemy. We are in our own way. I was that person. I was in my own way. I doubted
myself, insecurity, depressed because of my life but then I realized that Antoine you are enough,
start reprogramming yourself. Looking at other people like the Tyler Perry, the reason I keep
bringing that name up Tyler Perry, 50 Cent and the Jay-Z's and even Steve Jobs,
they did it. They bet on themself. For me all I need to see is one person do it and
then I'm good. Once you got your doubt, engage yourself out the wig you got to realize that
no one, no one is promised tomorrow, all no one promised tomorrow, all so you having doubts
insecurities you're not the only one but don't let that stop you for going after your dreams
in life no matter what it is if you want to be the best barber hairstylist soul designer person
whatever you want to do just try it just try something fall in love with something
that's what I start to perform in love with something because I remember when I was young
I'd do anything for a girl I go crazy I go to another state fall in love with something once
you fall in love with something it's like it's a beautiful thing but that gonna be there but but do
baby steps what I did was I did the power yes the things that I would never do I started doing it
a lot of people just call me an introvert because I used to stay to myself but I realized that
Antoine you got to be your own cheerleader you got to speak for yourself you got to
talk about yourself how do you expect someone to invest in you you want to invest in yourself
have a conversations with yourself if you if you're going through depression go to
counseling like do things that put yourself in a better position that
you was in yesterday it's not going to happen overnight but start the baby steps that's why
I did start little baby steps and eventually you're gonna be the person you want to be
and you we talked about this earlier and you talked about this in power too that there will
be forces that will try to yeah get you to go back to your old self do you see that right away
and certainly like oh I know what this is right oh yeah it's a setup so you see it like you sometimes
people bring their own trauma on to you and then you got to react so what you got to do is you got
to protect your energy if someone come in your life like if I come to you with love and respect
and care and you come with the opposite you're not ready to be over here stay over there and I stay
over here because that old me gonna come out you don't want that with me so you got to protect your
energy it's no difference in protecting your child we take it in your house you got to protect your
energy because people will try to interrupt your peace and it's coming so you guys you got to do a
good job I like thinking you simplify I treat your life like a security if you have a house
you get security cameras you get a dog treat you like the same way because peace and happiness
is oh man it's priceless yeah that's excellent excellent advice so when someone came up to you
wherever or online and says that's not fair how come you got this how come you won this
I said it's not fair that I was homeless it's not fair that I had a great parents life is not fair
but what you do is you can't control how you start but you can't control how you end your
life so what I do is I create the little world I want to create for myself it's like X-Men you find
your mutants you find people that actually get you you don't have to try to fit in everybody corner
get your own tribe that's what I learned dude I'm not for everybody I mean quiet taste
can you tell us more about your self-doubt yeah I had a lot of self-doubt being dachshund being
a black man watching films that I don't see my people uh being in a neighborhood and the cops
call you the n-word just being an environment that you feel like you're nothing but then you
realize that those people rejecting their fears on you they're afraid they they had their own
demons inside they done with so it's never you it's the other person if you're comfortable with
peace and love and you come opposite they broken don't take it personal longer as long as they
attack your life for touching you let them be but that's the way it is they broken people broken her
people hurt people and pain see pain so that's why I had to realize because I just take things
personally like why are you doing this to me why are you saying negative things to me oh I get it
you're broken you need a hug and that's you got to realize that it's never you it's the other person
even with the industry when someone says oh you're probably not good enough it's fine they
told Sylvester Stallone the same thing every story everybody got a story that someone told them no
and what happens is no I mean not right now and then when they come back to you yesterday price
is not today price that's what you got to do and with Lola does she have that surrounding her yeah
yeah so you got you got this particular energy man like this industry this life is not fair Cove is
not fair but we live in it and we're gonna make it out of it but you really got to take your energy
you really got to protect the engine because that peace of mind is priceless and a lot of people
went to depression during covet and I lost some people during covet I talked to people I commit
suicide during covet because it was just too much because when covet happened and you if you was
going through depression now you got to be home and look to have that person in the mirror every
day and some people like what they see in the mirror so really focus on your mental health and
get help if you need it but but check your peace and also too I'm not sure if covet makes certain
mental health issues worse to anxiety and depression too so but take your piece don't
try to fit in with everybody and everybody for you like I'm a big believer protecting my peace
if you come in my life and being breaking value and love and happiness you don't need to be over
here go back over there with other happy people and you when you get together come over here
so they'll unhappy people can have their own parts right okay we up here having fun enjoying life
yeah okay so you got to separate your life man like we get one life that's it
can you think of any moments even after you had reclaimed who you wanted to be
where just certain things got to you and you said enough is enough and I'm giving up every day
but I realize that that's easy I've been give up before people already doubt me already so this is
hard this is not this is emotional rollercoaster but when you protect your peace at very point when
you protect your piece you can control the narrative in your life a lot of times we're
giving people power that's not in your life you give them your family power you give me
your friend power you give me this industry power they tell you you're not good enough
you got to stop that it's your life like no one you to see all your life
you can high and fire yourself but if you allow people to come in your life and take your power
you're going to be depressed so for me I had to realize that the answer and you're giving people
too much power take that power back they have no power over you and once I did that man it was a
blessing and Lola takes back her power too yep and is there one Catalyst character that that
changes that for her that makes her take it back instead of being a victim the person I remember
give a section that person America always take your power back people around you might inspire
you but at the end of the day when you go home it's you and you have to do it like it saved me
like I'm always happy people know I'm always happy joking around because I realize that wait a minute
you are The Crazy Ones y'all are the ones are getting I'm good I'm Healed so just yeah except
to take energy I think in this industry there are a lot of people that try to take your power even
if they don't mean to either they're projecting their own thing onto you but I think just knowing
and I think that's what stops a lot of artists from wanting to go further is knowing that there
are these people that want to take your power yeah those those are the so-called Gatekeepers that
feels like they could prey on people that don't have don't know their worth daily everywhere then
your family then this industry that's your code job you've had that boss at supervisor that bought
you for no reason like why are you bothering me because they want to feel in control it's a
control thing but no one can control you unless you give them the opportunity of the power but
yeah this is industry I learned that I remember Weiss's submit the festivals my first feature and
I still have it in my film freeway account I got rejected by 95 film festivals 95 I know how much
rejection you got to be that 95 I saved I save all of them but it's because they can see the vision I
can't get mad at them at in the beginning yes I got really mad like I got mad because I was
like damn I can't get rejected rejected then I realized Antoine this is part of the journey you
got to take the good with the bad the storm don't last forever some will shine so it's a journey
yeah all you need is that one yes like this whole project will automatically all you need is that
one is you're gonna get 100 no's well you need that one yes and fresh that's got to come from you
so with Lola one you probably got more no's and then once you have that proof of concept I got
so many no's I got so many knows that I went to sleep dreaming my nose because like I said when
you do a project No One Believes In and they tell you all the extra stuff they don't make
no sense it happens but I'm built for this if I could go through being homeless going through
all the stuff I went to this is a piece of cake but you got to know that sometimes it reminds me
our goal is to look at other people's stories I go on film coverage you have tons of stories
when I first started in the film business I didn't have money go to film school all this crazy stuff
so I went to film courage to educate myself to look at filmmakers that was like me that just
needed some help and yeah help me so it's just you got to realize that that no just a no is not you
when you were laying in the bed with covid and I don't know were you hospitalized yeah I was
in hospital you were okay wow probably less but I was I was so bad that I even remember
going to the hospital my wife took me that's how bad I was like breathing trouble or what
was it I was dehydrated I had headache back pains I was just delusional it was really bad
so at any moment when you kind of came to in the hospital did you say to yourself if I make it
out of here I want to do a b and c yes so you were already planning yeah so I already had my plan but
that hospital really pushed me also too love you love your partner more because sometimes we have
friends and family that we think that was going to be there and we don't really love them like
we should so I want to love it on people way more that really appreciate me so my wife she was there
my friends family but yeah you got to love on people more because this was crazy
and and so aside from the relationship aspect did you say these are the goals I want yes I
said once I get out of here I'm gonna go crazy that's why when covet happened me and my rights
got together we not got like 50 trips I'm never exaggerating I have my ideas if we're gonna write
a whole bunch of content so next year I'm gonna flood the gates because yeah why not did you see
some people there the hospital who didn't make it no but everybody in that room had covet I was
standing room with someone that had coveted but it was just as bad then when Kobe first happened
in Queens that's when they had the dead bodies in the trunks in the Frieza I mean Frieza so I
see now on TV like it was just so bad so it just it got motivate you like sometimes we afraid but
if if like you got to like I just had to wake up I was doing great but Kobe made me put some more
pepper in my step yeah so you already have these plans but then going through that and
being amazed expeditiously like we got to speed this up I'm I'm I'm wasting my time so yeah.