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- So I'm standing in the phone box
and I put 20 pence in
and I phone my boyfriend, and he answers.
So I put a pound coin in.
And just as we're about to speak,
I suddenly feel the door behind me open.
A hand appears out of nowhere
and I watch it press down the switch hook of the phone.
I hear the pound coin drop to the bottom
and I watch this hand remove the coin.
Earlier that evening,
I had actually been staying at my boyfriend's flat.
He lived on main university campus
in Birmingham City Center.
He was away on work experience
and he'd given me the keys to his flat,
which was great for me because I lived off main campus,
another site in Handsworth, a short bus ride away.
But after spending a few nights there
and a really long day in the library,
I suddenly had this urge that I needed to go home.
I just needed to be in my own space.
I needed fresh clothes, I wanted to sleep in my own bed,
and I really missed my flatmates.
But as soon as I thought it,
a voice in my head said, "Don't go."
But I want to go,
and again, the voice said, "Don't go."
Now to tell you the truth,
I wasn't really sure what to make of this voice.
It made me quite anxious,
but I couldn't quite figure out what it meant
or what could possibly happen.
And I had to think about it for awhile,
and eventually I decided, "No, I'm going to go home."
But to appease this voice in my head,
I decided to remove my jewelry, my watch,
leave my cards behind and my cash,
but just take enough money for my bus fare there
and to return the following morning
and enough also to phone my boyfriend
from the payphone on campus.
And so I set off, and it was probably about,
I don't know, 8:30 in the evening.
So I was studying in Birmingham and their subways,
particularly when I was there,
had a reputation for being quite seedy and unsafe,
and I had actually been flashed at
a number of times down there.
But on this particular occasion,
as I walked through the tunnel,
I noticed a female police officer ahead of me,
and I remember thinking this was a good omen.
I kind of broke my stride
so we were almost walking in tandem
without making it too obvious,
and then I exit the subway and I get to my bus stop.
And usually, regardless of what the timetable says,
I always have to wait half an hour for my bus,
but on this particular evening, it comes within minutes.
So when I get on the bus,
I actually sit near the bus driver
because I think this is the most sensible thing to do.
And then I arrive at my stop,
and at this point I'd say
I'm pretty much on the home stretch.
All I have to do now is get home.
And as I'm walking along the street,
I suddenly notice an empty phone box on the corner,
and in that moment I decide
I'm going to call my boyfriend from there.
Now I make this decision
because the payphone on my campus serves about 50 people
and it's always ringing off the hook.
So if I really want to speak to my boyfriend tonight,
this is my best chance.
I realize at this point I'm slightly deviating
from the plan of just going straight home,
but I can distinctly remember
as I felt the door close behind me,
"I'm safe in here.
It's a box."
So I put my money in and I call my boyfriend.
And then suddenly, I feel the door behind me open.
A hand appears out of nowhere
and I watch it press down the switch hook off the phone.
I hear the pound coin drop to the bottom
and I watch this hand remove the coin.
I don't remember dropping the receiver,
but I do remember seeing it swing from side to side.
Suddenly, these arms tighten around me
and I can feel something sharp against my neck,
and I'm scared.
I'm so scared.
My mouth is dry and I can hardly breathe,
and my heart is beating so fast.
I can feel it pulsing in the back of my throat,
like at any moment it could just rip through.
And I'm fighting so hard to stop my knees from buckling.
And I keep saying to myself over and over again,
"Is this happening?
This isn't happening.
Is this really happening to me?"
I think I'm told not to move or make a sound,
but I can't be sure.
He asks me for money, but I don't have any.
No, wait, I do. I have 75 pence.
I think he thinks I'm mocking him.
So I give him my bag and he turns me around
and he pushes me up against the phone.
And through the sheer panic of it all,
something happened to me.
I was suddenly overcome by this strange sense
of calm, presence, and lucidity.
My senses were heightened and I could feel
and sense everything around me.
It was like I was inhabiting every cell of my body.
And I think time must have stood still or something
because after that, everything happened in slow motion.
The voice in my head asks me,
"So how does this end?
What happens now?"
And so I start running through
all these different scenarios in my mind.
Maybe I'm stabbed and I die,
or maybe I'm raped, stabbed, and then I die,
or maybe, maybe I'm stabbed,
but I go into intensive care,
but then I slip into a coma and then I die.
And the voice says, "Well, whatever way you look at this,
you really have nothing to lose,
but if you do survive,
the police will want a description.
You need to get a description."
So I slowly raise my hands and I turn around to face him.
And I tell him to check my pockets for money
just in case he doesn't believe me.
And as he does, I look at him
and I take the image of him in.
The color of his hair, his eyes,
his clothing, his height,
and the Stanley knife in his hand.
He looks up and he notices
the tracking movements of my eyes,
and he quickly turns me around and he forces me
up against the phone.
His hands start to move over my breasts.
And the voice says, "Don't move.
Don't even flinch.
Let him touch you.
Let him think he has you."
And so I do let him touch me.
And for a brief moment,
I can almost sense a slight release of tension in his arm.
And all the while I kept thinking to myself,
how did I get into the phone box?
Which way did the door open?
What side of the door was the handle?
Which hand did I use?
Meanwhile, his hands are traveling downwards
towards my groin,
and in that moment I decide I'd rather die.
I grab his arms and I use my weight to push him backwards
into the door, and using my elbows,
I swing to the right to that, and as I swing to the left
I use his weight to leverage the door open
and the door opens, and so I run,
and I'm screaming I think.
But then I stop running because I realized very quickly
he's not chasing me.
He's run away.
I don't know what it was in that moment,
if it was just the effects of the adrenaline,
but all I wanted to do was find him
so that I could stab him and kill him.
But as I'm looking around, I don't see anyone
apart from an Indian man standing in the driveway
of his house next to his car.
He shouts to me, "Are you okay?"
"Of course I'm not okay. I've just been mugged."
"Which way did he go?"
I start running down a dark road and the man chases me
and brings me back telling me it's not a good idea.
He walks me to the phone box where I pick up my bag
and I replace the handset and the phone rings.
And so for some bizarre reason, I answer it.
It's my boyfriend.
He tells me he's been trying to call me
for the last two minutes.
"What? Are you sure?"
I hang up,
and then the Indian man offers to drive me home.
I tell him he's crazy.
"I'm not getting in a car with you.
You're a stranger. You're a man."
He offers to bring his wife along so that I feel safe.
It's just that now I have to wait for her
because she has to get ready and get her purse.
So as I stand outside the door waiting for her,
every single member of the family appears at the door
wanting to know what happened,
wanting to come along for the ride.
Eventually, everyone is seated in the car.
(audience laughing)
Everyone except for me.
There's no room for me to sit.
Someone has to get out of the car
so that I can get in so that I can go home.
Eventually, it's agreed that the grandfather
will stay behind. (audience laughing)
The drive is excruciatingly slow
owing to the weight of the car
and so claustrophobic.
I burst into tears and the grandmother says, "Stop crying.
What are you crying for? It's not like you were raped."
"Oh, wait a minute," she says,
"He didn't touch you down there, did he?"
"No."
"Well, that's all right then,
because otherwise you would have been spoiled."
We get to the car park and I asked to be let down.
They offered to walk me to my door and I flat out refuse.
And as I watched the car pull away,
I realized as I stand in this dark car park,
I'm breathing again.
And it's only in that moment I realize I'm home.
I made it home.
Thank you.
(audience applauding)