- When he said this to me, I literally,
you know how you feel like you're shrinking.
I just wanna disappear right now.
And the reason why it was such a zinger is, he was right.
(funky music)
I gave a speech yesterday in Dallas.
After the speech, it was a big audience of people
in financial services, a guy dressed to the nines
in one of these super slick suits comes up to me.
He says hey Mel, really love the five second rule.
Do you mind if I give you some feedback?
(mimics tires screeching)
Feedback? Ugh.
Don't you hate getting feedback?
And then when people actually preface it
by saying can I give you some feedback,
I don't know about you, but literally my butt's like.
(makes screeching noise)
I just cannot stand it.
I immediately go on edge.
But here's the thing about feedback.
You have to (bleep) take it.
You have to take it. It is critical.
Critical, critical, critical.
So I wanna tell you number one, what the guy said to me,
my reaction, and then I wanna give you
my philosophy about feedback,
because what the guy said to me was so valuable,
and it was also really hard for me to hear.
Here I am after the speech,
we're surrounded by a big group of people,
he walks up to me and says, when it's his turn in the line,
can I give you some feedback.
I immediately tense up, and this is what he says.
Mel, I love the concept of the five second rule.
Super cool idea, can't wait to try it.
Okay, now comes the punch in the gut.
He said, you called it stupid so many times
during the speech, it was off-putting.
Doesn't that sound terrible, that word?
And he said I could tell that you were doing it on purpose.
He's right.
In fact, you called it stupid so many times,
and yet you had these insanely powerful examples
of how people are using it.
You came off as defensive.
When he said this to me, I literally,
you know how you feel like you're shrinking in life
or you're standing in your full size
and then all of a sudden somebody says something
and you're like I just wanna disappear right now.
And the reason why it was such a zinger is, he was right.
He was absolutely right.
You see, I do call the five second rule stupid
because I'm in front of so many analytical audiences.
I'm in front of skeptics all the time.
And so I use it as a preemptive way to disappear
the biggest pushback on the five second rule
which is, on it's face, it sounds so stupid and so simple,
there's no way it could be so powerful.
The problem is I've gotten lazy,
and I say it too much.
He's 100% right.
And by hearing that feedback,
I can make a really simple tweak to my speech.
I can call it stupid once or twice in the very beginning,
and then I can transition to calling it
something that's very simple and powerful.
Now that's gonna help me reach more people
with the five second rule.
And here's what I wanna say about feedback.
Feedback is intense to receive.
It really is, because you are exposing yourself
to critical opinions.
It will make you feel very vulnerable.
The way that I handle feedback and process it,
I'm very clear about the things
that I will receive feedback on,
and I'm very clear about the things
that I will not receive feedback on.
And the reason why is, if you don't listen
to any feedback at all guys, you're never gonna improve.
You're not gonna ever do anything new.
So no feedback means nothing new.
If you listen to everything that everybody says
in terms of feedback, if you allow everybody
to weigh in on everything, it's gonna become so paralyzing
that you will do nothing new.
So the key with feedback is knowing yourself
and knowing what you actually accept feedback on
and knowing what you don't accept feedback on.
So for me, for example, I will always take feedback
about how I present on stage,
because I am committed to constantly improving
as a public speaker, and I also am committed
to knowing new ways that I can reach more people
with how I explain the five second rule.
An area, on the other hand, that I am not open to feedback
is all of the feedback I get
about how much I (bleep) swear on social media, okay?
I'm not interested in that feedback 'cause I'm not changing,
'cause this is how I talk.
When I'm on a stage, I don't swear
because of the speaking platform.
But when I'm being myself and I'm sharing myself with you
on social media, I have zero interest
in your feedback about swearing.
And I can give you some feedback about swearing,
which is if you don't like it, you don't have to follow me.
It's that simple.
Anyway, I hope that distinction helps you.
Getting feedback in the moment
will make you feel vulnerable.
It might make you feel nauseous.
It can be very hard to hear.
But you have to be willing to listen to it
in the areas of your life where you're open for improvement.
(funky music)