Oh my God :(
I'm so hungry. :(
I'm tired. :(
I'm lonely. :(
I haven't showered in 10 days. (clean boi)
*wtf*
I haven't made a video in almost three weeks.
Hila is gone. For those of you that don't know, she went to Israel to meet with her family.
All she left me with was Cheerios MULTIGRAIN?!
She knows that I only eat chocolate Cheerios, I don't eat multigrain!
How am I supposed to cultivate FUPA with this shit?
*signature Ethan cough* (extended cut)
We just moved to a new house.
Don't even have a laptop!
This is all - all I have is a phone
And I'm just... I just miss my wife man.
I'm walking around in a diaper, do you understand how humiliating this is?
I don't even use the toilet, the plumbing's not turned on yet.
I don't know, I don't know. What am I supposed to call the city?
Oh, my water doesn't turn on!
Can you please turn on my water so I could use the toilet?
There's been a piece of shit floating in the toilet for like three weeks since she left...
There's two toilets in the house and each one's got a...
Like, shit floating in it, and piss.
And I have to change my own diaper.
So I'm just thinking here, sitting here by myself.
I'm wondering: "how do I get to Hila as fast as possible?"
And frankly I'm getting afraid she's not gonna come back.
So I need to do some research,
and figure out how- what's the fastest way to get there so I can beg her,
"Please come home, I need my diaper changed".
Let me do a little research:
[TYPING NOISES] "how to mail myself"
All right, let me check the options here...
Clearly a lot of breasts. This is no time to jerk my ding-dong though,
Clearly I've had plenty of time to do that.
This guy apparently mailed himself from the UK to France. That's international!
Oh shit. This is a pretty good lead. This is his channel here: "Kill 'em"
Apparently this guy put himself in a box, and he- and he put him...threw himself in the sea...
...and sailed in a box from the UK to France
Holy smokes! You're telling me this is possible
This has four million views.
All these guys are shipping themselves in containers this whole time
And I'm sitting here... this might actually work! Let me watch this guy's video!
KILL EM: "Yo, it's ye boy Kill 'Em, and welcome to today's video!"
Ethan: Dude I already trust this guy completely.
I've never seen somebody shout and whisper at the same time.
KILL EM: "Welcome to today's video!"
Ethan: Dude, you know this guy has the most badass Minecraft sex dungeon role-playing server.
KILL EM: I'm just in the DIY shop right now
I'm just walking around with so- these huge boxes
And I just like come up with this idea:
Human mail challenge, part 2.
The first time, I mailed myself in a box via the postal system to my own house
This time, I'm gonna be shipping myself in the sea and see where I end up
This is the biggest box that they do
Don't know if I'm gonna fit in...
I can't fit in
So my idea is to buy 2 of them
Lad's gf: as we did with the last box
Lad: Yeah, I had to make my own in the last one too
Ethan: But essentially, he's doing like a message in the bottle meme, like an SOS
except instead of finding like a note from a sailor...
It'll just be a drowned corpse full of piss and shit. That sounds good. I think Hila would enjoy that a lot.
We're gonna get some screws in there
and this should be big enough for me to squeeze in
We'll go to the beach, get in this thing,
Just go out to sea and see where we go
Ethan: sounds like David Attenborough's, like, grandson that dropped out of high school to make YouTube videos
KILL EM: Just go out to sea and see where we go
David Attenborough: It's one animal that I don't need to sneak up on.
This extraordinary creature is half blind, half deaf,
And this is just about as fast as it can move.
KILL EM: So the reason I've chose Dover is because there's lots of countries around
You got like, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, all around this area
So if anything bad does actually happen,
Say, I drift too far away
We've got countries at the other side that I can land on
All right, so I've got my GoPro. We've set up
Ohhhhhh
Oh God
Lad's gf: Oh God I'm actually in the water
Jesus Christ
So duct tape all the way around it
And I ducted taped them holes as you told me to
Ethan: One of my problems with YouTube with this kind of, like, "kids content", is like
They present it like it's real, and it's obviously not and I think it's kind of a dangerous idea
for kids to be like yeah, I can- I can jump in a plastic tub, and
throw myself in the ocean and wrap it in duct tape.
That is like a guaranteed death. A horrible death. It's the same kind of thing with kissing pranks.
It's like, it's not real.
And basically all you're doing is sending out fleets of sexual
harassers to go try to play a "quick game for a quick kiss", right?
And now this guy...
He does seem like a sweet guy, but he's essentially Killin' Em™
I pray to God that no clueless kid out there casts himself into the ocean because I promise you will die a horrible death
Can you imagine the very thought of...
... somebody actually duct-taping that those pieces together is so horrifyingly dangerous
I'm having panic attacks just watching this.
At the bottom of his description, he has written:
"family-friendly PG clean"
I wonder what's more PG: this video, or one that has like a fraction of a percent chance of your child...
... actually dying as a result of watching it
For pizza's sake! For Papa John's sake man!
Just tell em it's not real, dude
I mean he even goes as far to say "I mailed myself in a box at sea and landed in France?!
[echoed] NOT CLICKBAIT!
This is real, I swear!
If you don't believe me go try it yourself!
Killin' Em™!
*Signature Ethan cough*
Lad: I can't see any leaks here
We're all good to go, so I'm gonna push the rope through
Yeah. And that's it, gone. We're free.
*Horrible acting* This is scary. This is scary. Oh God.
There's not really much I can film I mean it's just me in here
I'm actually wearing the adult diapers right now
There it is
The adult nappies things
I can actually like do my business in the under layer, rip that out
And then I've got a fresh layer doing my business in that, rip that out
I actually needa wee, I drank so much
So I'm gonna put these
Adult diapers, D I A P E R S or nappies, whatever, to the test.
This is gross as hell
Here we go
*Echoing lad* Adult diapers or nappies
Cause I don't know how long I'm gonna be in there
Michael Rosen: *pop* Noice
Oh God hehehehe
It is so nice but so awkward at the same time
*adult diapers and a very inspiring message for us all*
Michael Rosen: *inspiring pop* Noice
*adult diapers and a very inspiring message for us all*
Planet Earth narrator: This extraordinary creature is half blind
Half deaf, and this is just about as fast as it can move
diapers, that's
Lad: *Horrible acting* Really boring really boring nothing for me to show you it's just really really boring in here
Planet Earth narrator: It's one animal that I don't need to sneak up on
*Noice and d i a p e r s *
Ethan: Even if this is true, the guy's saying himself, it's really boring. He's literally just sitting in a tub for 17 minutes. He's sitting in a tub
I feel like a boat ride would be more exciting
Do a little Titanic and catch a little wind, fall in love...
Even for an eight year old, I'm- this is stretching my limit of disbelief
The guy's literally shitting his pants for 17 minutes in a small tub
How is this entertaining to four million people?
*lad crying about a fake challenge with best acting I have ever seen in my life*
I can't believe I'm alive
Aaaaand best acting in a YouTube poop and piss porn fetish category goes toooooo:
Guy: and the Oscar goes to...
"a d u l t d i a p e r s"
*ecstatic applause*
Lad: Hey, hope you've enjoyed this video, I'm never doing anything like this again, cuz it is stupid as hell
Please, I think this deserves a like, leave a comment-
Ethan: Guys if anything please this deserves a like.
One like equals one drowned kid who tried this at home. Please how many likes can we get on this video
I need at least a mini Holocaust. Mini Holocaust = two million likes
Please, can we get one full child Holocaust? Six million likes please
Well this clearly is not a good option for me
But you know what there's one thing that I've got
That I think hila's gonna come home for and I honestly don't know why I'm worrying so much
You know why I'm sure Hila's coming home?
This is why
*elektro* juicy ass that's a-that's a juicy ass *Hila: "yeah"*
* woo hoo it getting hot in here*
Lad: uuuuugh
Oh God imuh put that away
Ethan's thicccccc *jerkin my ding dong*
You're not thicc
But you're married to a thicc bitch, so it's a kind of a compliment to you.
*thiccc ass music*
*outro music starts to play*
Well I may not be able to ship myself to Hila, but thank God, I've got this Dollar Shave Club
starter kit to get me on my way
For five bucks! I can barely hold all this great stuff
One hefty girthy razor
Recharge blades
Body cleanser
And the finale? One wipe Charlies! Are you freaking kidding me these guys have thought of everyth-
Aloe vera? Chamomile? My asshole doesn't deserve it
But it gets it anyway😉
Get a great product and support the show. Head on over to
Dollarshaveclub.com/h3h3 for your starter kit for only 5 bucks
Just a little off the top
STOP RIGHT THERE--STOP!
Perfect
*outro music* 🍕PAPA BLESS🍕