We should discuss quickly that you've hit a milestone.
Sona, your twins are now one year old.
I kept my two boys alive for a year.
Well done!
It really does feel like that.
I remember.
I remembered my wife saying the same thing
about our daughter, Neve, when she hit one year old,
my wife turned to me and said,
"I kept her alive for a year."
Yeah.
So I completely understand that.
Yeah, especially now when you're not--
There's two of them, too, so you're not always looking
at them, and then sometimes you'll look over
and one will have a full-on twig in his mouth
just eating it.
Or like, a rock that they're just eating.
Where did they get a hold of these twigs and rocks?
Are you in the house or outside of the house?
We chill outside.
You're feeding your kids twigs and rocks?
That's not the twig I gave you to eat.
One time I was in the same room with them
and they opened up the glass sliding door
and they crawled outside and I didn't know
until I heard Mikey squeal with laughter
and I look over and they're not in the house at all.
Oh my God.
They've just fully crawled.
I was in the same room with them.
So this is why I'm really excited--
Then you hear a car start up.
Kept them alive.
(Conan imitates engine roaring)
(Sona and Matt laugh)
They hot wired the car.
I wish, oh.
Road trip.
That's hilarious.
Yeah.
It'll always make me laugh when either a little child
wanders off camera and there's a pause, or an animal
wanders, and then you hear a car start up.
(Sona and Matt laugh)
It always cracks me up.
When a puppy rounds the corner then you hear a car start up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But your feelings towards Charlie haven't gotten any better.
And I think that you--
I have beef with Charlie.
But it's been months and he's a one year old.
But every time you're like, "How's Mikey doing?"
I'm like, I have two kids.
I intentionally only ask how Mikey is
because Charlie didn't laugh when I was doing my schtick
and man, was I working it.
He wasn't going for it, so I decided, all right,
we're not, this isn't happening between us.
He's dead to you.
He's dead to me.
He was so little, he was a little baby.
So what?
He dissed me.
Wow.
It's up to him to make...
It's up to him to settle the beef.
He's gonna drive to your house and settle it.
(Conan and Matt laugh)
Well, congratulations, that's a big deal.
Thank you, thank you very much, I know.
But now they can move and walk.
I remember very clearly when you told me
that the babies had been born,
because in the womb, I didn't know what to call them.
I called them Rub and Tug.
You did, we've never really discussed this,
but you called my babies Rub and Tug.
Yeah, 'cause they didn't have names yet,
and then you said, "I've given them these great
old ancestral Armenian names, Mikey and Charlie."
(Sona laughs)
When you guys saw them, did you just say,
"This one's a Mikey and this one's a Charlie?"
You had those names ready to go?
No, no.
I think someone handed Tak the paperwork
and he panicked and just put those two names.
I'm not even kidding.
We didn't know what we were gonna name them.
And then he just wrote those names
down on the birth certificates.
(flabbergasted crosstalk)
I'm not even kidding, yeah.
You must have discussed those names.
We talked about certain names but we hadn't settled
on them, and then I walked in and he's filling out paperwork
and I said, "Are you writing names down?"
He goes, "Yeah."
And I'm like, "Which names are you writing?"
He also wrote down their religion as Islam.
"Oh, I panicked!"
(Sona and Matt laugh)
"I just wrote Islam."
Hey, for city of birth, you wrote Akron, Ohio.
"I just panicked!"
(laughing)
Wait, these aren't their footprints that you put in there.
"I know, I panicked!"
"I used our cat's paw print and our gerbil's footprint."
"I just panicked!"
He did.
You said right here, occupation: astronaut.
(laughing)
And oil speculator.
"I panicked!"
"I thought I had to write something so I wrote it down."
(laughing)
I would love it if all these crucial things were handled by,
Hey, our kids are going to a military academy? They're only-
"I panicked!"
(laughing)
"I panicked, they're going to West Point."
They're five, Tak.
(laughing)
"I don't know what to do, I panicked!"
"I panicked!"
(Sona wheezes)
Oh, man.
It is, it's fun.
And Glenn's not far behind, 'cause she's exactly
three months younger than the boys.
Yeah, she's nine months now.
Nine months.
And acting every day of it.
(Sona laughs)
What?
Well, I wasn't around for the raising of my children.
That's probably best.
(Conan laughs)
I had a career to tend to.
You have a podcast to tend to now.
You're drawing.
I know, I'm drawing a little guy.
You did them a service.
There's a wrap sign for you.
Thanks a lot there, buddy.