(LOGO)
Hellooo, everybody! So if you're a writer, then you already know that we're a strange breed
of psycho. We're just not normal people. There's a reason that writers tend to stick together, no
one else understands us. But seriously, us writers do some pretty weird shit in our day to day lives
that other people might find bizarre, disturbing, maybe even repulsive. So I'm here to tell you the
nine weird habits of writers. Why not ten? Cuz I'm a writer, and I keep things interesting. Or,
maybe I couldn't think of a tenth thing. As a newbie writer you may not be able to relate to
all of these things, but I'm talking about writers who are in the thick of it. People
who are so far down the rabbit hole, there's no turning back. And if you're not quite there yet,
this is where you're headed. Have fun. Number One (1): Our hygiene is mediocre at best.
Every form of hygienic maintenance becomes optional. Showering, unnecessary. Deodorant,
I'll get around to it. Until one day you realize: wow, I'm a fucking mess. Then you'll carve out an
hour or two from your intense writing schedule to deep clean yourself. And I mean deep clean,
get all up in there. And then the cycle continues until you're a disgusting mess just a few days
later. And don't even get me started on wardrobe choices. If you're a lady then you already know
that bras are just not a thing that happens, ever. Bras are medieval torture devices, and we're not
gonna wear ‘em. Pants are also an optional item of clothing. Pajama pants, sweat pants, yoga pants
—those are pants I can get behind. I may or may not be wearing sweats right now. (Mouths ‘I am’)
But somewhere down the line, your work uniform is literally goinna be your roll out of bed attire,
fine by me. Number Two (2): You will develop an unhealthy relationship with coffee. Coffee is
the beverage of the gods. More importantly, it's the only thing that's gonna help you finish that
fucking book. You know, I'm not even a huge fan of coffee, but I still depend on it. It's like that
friend we all have where we sorta kinda of don't even like them that much, but we keep them around,
because they serve a singular purpose that we truly rely on. That's coffee for me. I love you
coffee, you're too good to me, I don't deserve you. Number Three (3): Starvation is a normal and
unintentional part of our daily lives. It just happens. You'll be on a roll getting all your
writing done, and then all of a sudden you realize it's 6pm, and all you've eaten is nothing. Oh, so
that's why I feel fucking terrible, I'm literally starving. So then you binge on whatever's in the
house. No need to actually prepare a legitimate meal, because if you don't eat in thirty seconds,
you'll probably die. So anything that can be microwaved or eaten right out of bag,
that's your dinner. Gourmet unhealthy, that's how we do things. Suddenly, you've gone from a
writing machine to a human garbage disposal, just consuming whatever sustenance you need, so you can
get back to writing. Number Four (4): Somewhere along the writing process, you'll eventually
transition into the nocturnal lifestyle. You won't even notice it until it's too late. But
at some point in time, you'll realize: Hey, I’ve gone to bed at 4am every single day this week,
and I wake up at noon. You'll try to get back into a normal human sleeping pattern, but it never
fucking happens. Because you get all of your best right or mojo at night. Why this is? Who knows?
Actually, there's a bunch of scientific evidence that suggests that more intelligent and creative
people go to bed later than less intelligent and creative people. But back to the topic, eventually
you’ll succumb to the bleak reality that your life is gonna mostly go down at night. That means
you're just cooking up dinner when everyone else is going to bed. And by cooking up dinner, I mean
microwaving your cup of noodles. Because we're writers, remember. Think of it this way, we're
sort of like vampires. Maybe someone will write a BDSM erotica based off of our lives…probably
not. Number Five (5): We become hyper emotional about fictional situations that we've created.
Your mood is gonna be completely dependent on your writing, or your lack of writing. Because missing
too many writing days in a row is gonna to create some pent up aggression in you. You know how you
meet someone really uptight and you think: man, that dude really needs to get laid. It's the same
thing, except we really need to write. Think of writing as the brain orgasm we desperately need
to have. And when you are writing, your story is gonna have a direct effect on your mood. Maybe you
just went on a mass killing spree, twenty of your characters are dead. This will either send you
into a spiraling depression, or you'll be super amped up from all the fictional murdering. Because
you're crazy. Regardless of what it is you're writing, you will for sure at some point, have a
conversation like this. (Loud groan. Jenna) “Ugh!” (Cliff) “What’s wrong?” (Jenna) “Eve and Jason
aren't speaking to one another. Jason thinks Eve's dumping him, Eve isn't even sure what she wants
anymore.” (Cliff) “Aren’t they gonna work it out in like five pages.” (Jenna) “Yeah, but they don't
know that. (Cliff) “But you know that.” (Jenna) “But they're sad right now.” (Cliff) “You know,
they're not real.” (Jenna) “You just don't understand.” Number Six (6): We feel genuinely
upset when people ask to spend time with us, especially if we had a day of writing planned.
And let's be real, we always have a day of writing planned. So your friends say “Hey, Jenna,
I haven't seen you in like a year. Let's go out and do something.” And your immediate thought is:
whhhhy! I know how fucking rude, right? It's so inconsiderate that your friends actually wanna
spend time with you. Talk about selfish. Once you realize that all of that is complete bullshit,
and you're crazy, you'll try to find a way to fit them into your schedule. But all your days seem so
jam packed to shit to do, because you wanna write every single day. Can we just talk online instead?
Number Seven (7): Leaving the house is the greatest inconvenience, ever. You don't leave the
house unless you absolutely have to. Like if the house is on fire, then you'll leave. Maybe. How
severe is this fire we're talking about? Leaving the house is inconvenient on multiple levels. One,
because you gotta leave the house. Two, because you gotta get fucking ready in order to leave
the house. Need I remind you, or hygiene habits suck. So now I have to shower, and brush my hair,
and put on a bra. Don't even get me started about makeup, what the fuck is this, and then once
you actually leave the house, it's like, “Oh my hell, when did the sun get so bright? Holy crap,
why are there so many people alive and existing.” Word of advice, put on your introvert disguise.
By that I mean put some earbuds in your ears, and sunglasses on your face. “Sorry,
I can't talk to you. I'm too busy pretending to listen to music.” It basically lets the world know
that you're an antisocial asshole who doesn't want to communicate with anyone whatsoever. In other
words, an accurate representation of a writer. “Don't talk to me bitch.” Number Eight (8): If we
must leave the house, then we bring our laptop everywhere. Think of it as a super expensive
security blanket. You'll bring it to a doctor's office, to a restaurant, to a family function, and
especially to a party. Because let's be real, you didn't wanna go to that party in the first place.
Someone made you go, am I right? And you know that no one's gonna talk to you the entire time because
you're weird and antisocial. So you're gonna spend the entire party sitting in the corner and working
on your laptop. And some people may find it rude, but you know what, they're wrong. It's not rude,
it's a brilliant fucking idea. You did your obligatory monthly out of the house stint,
and you were super productive, best party ever. And Number Nine (9): When you do socialize with
people, you're gonna realize that you have nothing to talk about. Nothing appropriate,
at least, because your life revolves around your book. And if you're like me,
the stuff you find interesting in terms of your book’s content, is going to sound horrifying to
other people. Let me give you an example. (Cliff) “So what you do today?” (Jenna) “Not much just
performed a live dissection on Jason Valentine.” (Awkward silence.) You get the idea. So these are
the nine weird habits that writers have. If you can relate to any of these then congratulations,
you are my kind of crazy. And if you can't relate to any of these, then either one,
you're not a writer. Or two, you're a lot more well adjusted than I am, and I hate you. Don't
forget to subscribe to my channel. I post new videos on Wednesdays. Except for today, which is
Thursday, but normally I post on Wednesdays. So if you come back, you should come back on Wednesday,
cuz that's when I post videos, on Wednesdays. And if you have any questions or if there's something
you'd like me to talk about in my next video, leave me a comment or tweet me @JennaMoreci! Bye!
(Jenna) Where are you? (Jenna laughing) (Cliff) “You know they’re not real) (Jenna) “You just
don’t understand!” (Jenna laughing) Sorry. (Jenna laughing) (Cliff) “You just don't
understand.” (Jenna) “Your face doesn't understand.” Okay,
but they're not real. But they're not real, but they…(Jenna laughing.)