- Thanks
You know I've had
some pretty bad relationships but,
this feels different.
- Today almost didn't happen.
I woke up yesterday
with a massive herpes outbreak.
In the past,
I would have canceled,
but thanks to Herpacol DX,
I didn't have to.
Herpacol DX is the only
FDA approved, fast acting medication
that can clear a herpes outbreak
in less than a day.
When I get an outbreak,
this is the only product
I trust
to make this,
our little secret.
- [Man] Hey guys
- No no no no no
- [Man] What?
- This chick just spent the last
10 minutes telling us that she has herpes
- [Narrator] Herpacin DX,
check us out on Twitter and Facebook.
(bright music)
- [Narrator] An everyday moment
can turn romantic anytime.
And when it does, men with erectile dysfunction
can be more confident in their ability
to be ready,
with Cialis, for daily use
Cialis for daily use is a clinically proven
low dose tablet you take everyday.
So you can be ready anytime
the moment's right.
- Tell your doctor about your medical condition
and all medications.
And ask if you're healthy enough for sexual activity.
- [Woman] Don't take Cialis if you take
nitrates for chest pain,
as this may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure.
- Don't drink alcohol in excess with Cialis
Side effects may include headache,
upset stomach, delayed back ache or muscle ache.
To avoid long term injury, seek immediate
medical help for an erection lasting
more than 4 hours.
If you have any sudden decrease or loss
in hearing or vision,
stop taking Cialis and call your doctor
right away.
- [Narrator] Ask your doctor if Cialis for
daily use is right for you.
For a 30 tablet free trial offer,
go to Cialis.com.
(upbeat music)
- Wow looking good ladies
- Thanks
- Thank you
- Why don't you come over here?
- No thanks.
- Rawr, I like a challenge,
look, I know you want it,
so come get it.
- [Narrator] Some guys have the unfortunate
illness of hearing yes when you say no.
But now, there's a cure.
- Here, try this.
(wretches)
- [Narrator] Introducing,
Ipecac to go.
Yes the very same Ipecac
derived from the 18th century
as an expectorant for illness.
Back then women medical professionals
also discovered its power to cure the
illness of men who thought no meant yes.
And now, in a charming
old-timey bottle to go.
- You are very beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Can I get your number?
- No
- Oh, you have a boyfriend,
- No.
- Then you have to give me your number,
- [Narrator] Since the beginning of time
women have always worked to not be treated
like second grade citizens.
But there is nothing second grade about the quality
of this douche-bag repellent.
- I was skeptical, but,
there's something about ralphing
your entire three-egg brunch
on a guy, that speaks louder
than any words.
- [Narrator] Perfect for the workplace.
- Alone at last,
whoa where do you think you're going honey,
I'm just playing with you, seriously.
What do you got there
okay, a little sip,
a little tequila,
- [Narrator] Ipecac to go,
convenient when any occurrence with that
pesky male presumption flares up
when it's clearly not wanted.
Ask your doctor about Ipecac to go.
But when you do,
make it seem like it's for something else,
otherwise they definitely won't give it to you.
(cheering)
- As a doctor I find Ipecac to go
disgusting and horrifying.
There is,
no way I can endorse this product.
However as a woman,
I find it surprisingly effective and I,
definitely use it, yes.
- Yo at first I was like,
all these girls I'm trying to get to
ride my D are mad sick yo!
But then after about the 20th time it
happened I was like,
maybe I'm the problem.
- [Narrator] Side effects may occur
like headaches, dry mouth, and feeling empowered.
Taking Ipecac to go will weaken your digestive tract,
and your gag reflex
overall will become like a hair trigger.
If you see someone else puke,
smell anything bad, laugh too hard,
sneeze,
or look at soup for too long,
you will definitely vomit.
Sometimes you will just hurl for no reason at all.
But it's so worth it when you watch
some entitled D-bag wear your spew.
It's our time ladies.
- Ipecac to go!
- [Narrator] Ipecac to go,
for when you say no,
but they hear yes.
- For months I was in denial.
(somber music)
- I couldn't believe this was happening.
(somber music)
- And it only kept getting worse.
- [Narrator] When it comes to fixing our
broken,
nut cell,
freaky-deaky country,
you might think there's nothing you can do.
And while there's no way to fix our political system,
there is a way to make things feel a whole lot better.
Try, yelling fuck.
- Fuck
- Fuck!
- I tried everything.
Logging off Facebook,
heavy sighing,
I even tried heroin,
but nothing was working.
- [Narrator] It's been working for dad's
who hit their thumbs with hammers
for years.
And now the FDA has approved
yelling fuck,
for election relief.
While yelling fuck can't reverse
the series of
unmitigated disasters that
led to this moment.
One-hundred percent of users report
that it feels goddamned great.
When you yell fuck,
you release "Fuckeneffrin", a neuro transmitter
that gets rid of all the fucks
you used to give.
Leading to a cynical acceptance,
that this is actually happening.
- When I tried yelling fuck,
I immediately felt a difference.
- It was like a rush of relief.
- Now I can hurl my fuck screams
to the heavens with the hopes that
some higher being will get the message,
that we need help down here in the America
section of earth.
- [Narrator] When you have to face the fact
that Donald Trump might be your president,
try yelling fuck.
Yelling fuck may result in your mom or your principal
getting mad at you.
Do not yell fuck if you are one of the assholes
who got us here in the first place.
If you are one of these people try yelling hooray.
Yelling fuck is covered by Obama Care.
- Day to day activities were,
difficult for me.
My symptoms ranged from,
fear in speaking up in group settings,
to constant dissatisfaction with
my physical appearance.
To an ever present sense of danger.
So I went to my doctor,
he confirmed what I feared.
I was suffering from womanhood.
- [Narrator] Womanhood begins in the womb,
when two 'X' chromosomes result in
female sexual determination.
Leading to the release of estrogen,
and the development of ovaries, the uterus,
and breasts.
- After my diagnosis
I was inconsolable,
hysterical even.
But now, there's hope.
A business suit,
and a short hair wig.
With a business suit and a short-hair wig,
there's no more gritting my teeth
as men take credit for my accomplishments.
No more looking at my body
like it's a pile of
faded garbage.
And no more fearing rape,
on my walk home.
With a business suit and a short-hair wig,
I can walk through this world
without all the burdens of womanhood.
- [Narrator] A business suit and a short-hair wig
should not be used when
pregnant or nursing
because that will confuse people.
Side-effects may include
not listening,
thinking bad ideas are fantastic,
and a condescending tone.
It is important to understand
that womanhood is a chronic condition
and there is no cure.
If after taking off a business suit and
a short-hair wig
you continue to feel confident for
more than 15 minutes,
please call your doctor immediately.
Men should not use a business suit and a
short hair wig,
as it may result in war crimes.
A business suit and a short-hair wig
may not be as effective for those
who suffer from womanhood in conjunction with
other chronic conditions
like homosexuality
or being not white.
Thanks to a business suit and a short-hair wig,
I never have to suffer from womanhood, again.
Except when I'm not wearing it.
Fuck.
(techno music)
- That was just a taste.