JON, JON, YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO STICK AROUND TONIGHT.
I KNOW NORMALLY YOU LEAVE WHEN THE GUEST COMES OUT HERE, BUT
YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO STICK AROUND BECAUSE IT IS OUR DEAR
FRIEND ANDY COHEN IS GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT.
>> Jon: YES, ANDY COHEN.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO-- YOU'RE GOING TO WANT
TO WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE.
HE'S SUCH A DELIGHT.
SPEAKING OF DLIETS, THE BAND SOUNDS GREAT TONIGHT AND I
WONDER WHO YOU HAVE SITTING IN WITH YOU.
>> Jon: MID ANY FRIEND, HE CAME HERE TO PLAY AT CARNEGIE
HALL, IBRAHIM ALOUF.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
( APPLAUSE )
WONDERING WHAT YOUR INSANE AUNT IS UP TO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT
UNTIL THANKSGIVING.
I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST CONSPIRACIES IN TONIGHT'S
EDITION OF "THE Q FILES."
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.
THE LIES ARE WAY OUT THERE.
THE LATEST IN CUTTING-EDGE CRAZY IS THAT HUNDREDS OF QANON
ADHERENTS GATHERED IN DALLAS, TEXAS, YESTERDAY.
THE REASON?
THEY WERE EXPECTING A BIG ANNOUCEMENT FROM JOHN F.
KENNEDY JR. OF COURSE, J.F.K. JR. DIED
TRAGICALLY 22 YEARS AGO, SO AT THIS POINT, ANY ANNOUNCEMENT
FROM HIM WOULD BE PRETTY BIG.
( LAUGHTER )
CRAY-CRAY BELIEVE THAT JOHN-JOHN FAKED HIS OWN DEATH, WENT INTO
HIDING, AND IS NOW ACTUALLY THE "Q" THAT THEY FOLLOW ON THE
INTERNET.
AND THEY EXPECTED HIM TO APPEAR IN PUBLIC AND REVEAL ALL OF THIS
YESTERDAY IN DALLAS, AT DEALEY PLAZA, BY THE GRASSY KNOLL.
( LAUGHTER )
GRASSY KNOLL.
UP UNTIL THEN, IT HAD THE RING OF TRUTH.
WHILE THEY WAITED FOR J.F.K. JR. TO APPEAR, THE CROWD
ENGAGED IN A SPIRITED DEBATE.
>> DID WE LAND ON THE MOON?
>> Crowd: NO!
>> DID WE LAND ON THE MOON?
>> Crowd: NO!
>> Stephen: OOH, LET ME TRY ONE.
WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE, IS THAT AMORE?
>> Crowd: NO!
>> Stephen: THEY'RE RIGHT.
KUBRICK FAKED AMORE ON A SOUNDSTAGE IN PHOENIX.
now, SOME OF THESE FOLKS ALSO BELIEVE J.F.K. JR. WILL BE
SEEKING OFFICE SOON, BASED ON THEIR T-SHIRTS SUGGESTING
J.F.K. JR. WOULD BE THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S RUNNING MATE IN
2024.
MAKES SENSE: KENNEDY DIED OVER 20 YEARS AGO, BUT HE'S STILL
MORE LIFE-LIKE THAN MIKE PENCE
NOW, SHOCKINGLY, AND I KNOW--
SHOCKINGLY, J.F.K. JR. DID NOT SHOW UP IN DALLAS YESTERDAY
AFTERNOON, DUE TO HIS CHRONIC CASE OF "NOT ALIVE."
BUT THE QANON CROWD DIDN'T LOSE HOPE, BECAUSE RUMORS BEGAN TO
CIRCULATE THAT J.F.K. JR. WOULD INSTEAD APPEAR AT A
CONCERT BY THE ROLLING STONES CONCERT HAT EVENING.NG STONES
GUYS, COME ON.
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MIGHT FIND, YOU JUST MIGHT FIND, YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED... WHICH
IS MEDICATION.
SO, THE CONCERT HAPPENED, AND J.F.K. JR. WAS A NO-SHOW.
SOME QANON BELIEVERS WALKED AWAY WITH A NEW THEORY ABOUT HIS
FATHER: THAT ROLLING STONES GUITARIST KEITH RICHARDS
IS, IN FACT, PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY.
OKAY, THAT IS CRAZY.
PRESIDENT KENNEDY WOULD BE 104 YEARS OLD, AND KEITH
RICHARDS IS CLEARLY WAY OLDER THAN THAT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDY COHEN.
COME ON!
♪ ♪ ♪