Hi, I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins a clinical psychologist. I have three powerful mind hacks for you to
end frustration and make progress now.
The hacks that I'm about to share with you are based on
clinical research and experience that ties directly into the psychology that supports
everything that you do. You're going to want to hear all three. The first hack is simply to breathe.
I know it sounds simple. But this is an important way to take a higher level of choice and control
over your own brain. Your brain is designed to keep you safe and to protect you from threat.
Anytime you perceive a threat your brain kicks you into what we call the fight-or-flight response
You've heard of this right? It's a chemical infusion into your body that prepares your
body to do one of those two things to fight or get out of there. Most of the things that we encounter
in our day-to-day lives are not things that we should be fighting with or running away from.
They're problems that really require some level of thinking. When our brain is in the fight or flight
mode there's actually a decrease in blood flow to the frontal and prefrontal areas of your brain.
Guess what? That part of your brain is in charge of logic, reason, problem-solving.
So we have to re-engage the brain that part of your brain to get away from the part of your brain
that's trying to get you to fight or run away. The quickest way I know to do that is breathing.
Here's a simple trick that you can do. It's simply in through the nose
nice and deep stretch it a little and hold and then out through the mouth nice and slow.
Restrict the flow here so that the exhale is about twice as long as the inhale.
One way that I sometimes teach this to kids is smell the flowers and blow out the candles.
If you can remember that and practice it. What happens is we condition the limbic
system in our brain to chillax a little bit, to just calm down. There's no problem and that
allows the blood flow to redirect up to the part of your brain that you're going to need for the
next two hacks. So this is really foundational. Do some breathing, practice it, get some reps in so
that you can start conditioning and programming your brain to handle this a little differently.
Here's your second hack. Now, to set this one up, my job is to illuminate the obvious. That is so cool.
Think about it, I get paid to tell people things that they already know or to show them things that
they already see. But a lot of those things are in the realm of things that are obvious but unnoticed.
Let's go there for a minute, obvious but unnoticed. Like your clothing, can you feel it?
Now you can because I've mentioned it. It's obvious, right? But you didn't notice it until
it was called your attention or the fact that we're speaking English. Did you notice?
Oh, obvious. Just unnoticed until I called it to your attention. Most of what's going on in our own
mind is in that realm. It's obvious but unnoticed. Like the fact that you can think about your own
thinking. Oh yeah, check it out. You notice now that you can think about your thinking and this will
drive you crazy so be careful with it. We call it metacognition in the industry in psychology.
Metacognition, cognition means thinking. Metacognition is a higher level. It's thinking about thinking. Notice that you
can do it. Stay in that space for a few minutes while I share these next two hacks with you.
The second hack I want you to notice that you are constantly
judging. Do you see it? Well, now you do. Do you see that you're constantly judging yourself,
your circumstances, your relationships, the economy, the government, you're judging me.
That's cool, I'm judging you. Because I can't turn it off either. We are constantly judging. Now, as you
notice that you're constantly judging. Notice that whatever judgment you make of whatever's
going on in your life right now determines how you feel about it. When we experience
frustration it's because we're looking at what it is the way it is right now without changing
anything and we think that it should be different. Notice that you think it should be different. Now,
you may even have a scenario in your mind right now where you're like, "Well, it should be different",
really? Who says that it should be different. I remember sitting in the office one day and I
took a box of tissues and I threw it across the room and it hit the wall and fell to the floor
and my client was a little surprised by that and she's like, "What are you doing Dr. Paul?",
and I said, "Well, look at that box of tissues over there. Where should it be?", when I was playing with
her, right. I was trying to get her to see this. Where should it be and she said, "Well, it
should be over there on that end table. Where where it was before you threw it on the ground?".
Really? Well, if it should be on the end table. Why is it down there on the floor? Because I threw it
and the principles the natural laws that exist in the universe including gravity had that box
of tissues end up right over there on the floor. Rght where it is right now. It's exactly where it
should be by law. Now, what law do I mean? I mean the laws of gravity, right? Physics. It's exactly where
it should be. Now, I share that with you because I want you to just consider this thing that's
frustrating you. Because you think that it should be somewhere or something else other than what it is.
What if we could just adjust that thought to say, "Things are exactly as they should be".
Notice that doesn't mean that it's exactly where you want them to be. Just hold on, I'll get to
that in just a second. But it is exactly where it should be. Is that possible? Is it plausible?
That could be true. Now, what would happen if you believed? If you truly believed that
the things are exactly as they should be. Here's another one, "That I'm right on schedule."
You know, when you feel frustrated you're thinking, "Oh, I'm behind or I'm not up to where I should be",
there's that should word again. Do you know for sure like you've got some cosmic connection to
the grand calendar of all things that you are on schedule or you're not. Do you know?
No, you don't know. So, notice that you're taking a position about that. I've had some of my clients
say, "Well, Dr. Paul, am I just lying to myself then?", yeah probably you're lying to yourself
saying it's not as it should be or that you're behind the game. You don't know. But notice that
you've taken a position about that. Okay, this is power. This is a psychological mind hack
that can help you to overcome frustration and actually start getting some things done. Notice
that you're judging it. Obviously, we're talking about things that are kind of programmed into our
brain and by programming I mean, like language. I mentioned language earlier. We're speaking English
here today on this video. I was programmed to speak English by people who didn't even give me a choice.
When we want to change our programming it requires a choice and then it requires a whole lot of
repetition, a lot of practice. Staying with the language example, do you speak a second
language? If you do you know that it requires a choice you have to choose it and then you have to
put in the work to actually get there because of the reprogramming. One of the best ways I've found
to reprogram is to fill my mind with the ideas that I want to program in. I have some favorites.
If you'll go to the URL that's on the screen right now. I'll give you my current top 10 list
of personal development books the ones that I have found impactful and helpful. I think you're going
to like them as well drpauljenkins.com/books. Go take a look. Let me know
where you want me to send it and then let me know what you think about those books that I'm sharing.
As we read and study and practice we can start to reprogram our own mind and that's going to help us
to do a different kind of judgment about what's going on in our world. Here's your third hack and
this ties right back into thinking about thinking. I want you to notice that you are predicting
what is to be? What's coming? What's going to happen? Notice also that you don't know.
You don't know what's going to happen. Neither do I. But we all have predictions,
expectations, anticipation, of what's coming. When we anticipate or predict or expect
that what's coming is going to be even worse than what we've already got. How do we feel?
Do you feel that? That's anxiety. Some of our frustrations are based on this kind of anxiety.
Oh, it's just going to get worse and worse. You don't know that. But when you predict that
it causes those feelings. What we think matters. One of my friends put it this way, he says,
"What we think about comes about. What we focus on we feel", that is so true. There's a lot of reasons
why that's true. But just notice for now that you're constantly predicting. You're expecting,
you're anticipating, what is to be. You don't know but you have a prediction. What would happen
if you were to predict or anticipate or expect that what's coming is even better than what
you've already got. How would you feel? if you honestly believe that what's coming is better
you feel hope. this is like a little kid the day before their birthday.
They're so excited because they know that what's coming is better than what they've already got.
You get to choose what you predict. Since you don't know pick a position
and I'm thinking pick one that serves you well. If you're tired of feeling
frustrated and overwhelmed. If you want to actually start getting things done this
serves you very well. Because with the energy that you create through feelings of gratitude and hope
put you in a position to actually get some things done. Think about it. When you're feeling depressed
wiped out like my life is terrible. Which is a judgment by the way. Just think about
your thinking. When you're feeling that. How likely are you to go do something productive?
Not so much. In fact, you're more likely to make it worse. I hear about people all the time,
"Oh, I hate my job and the economy stinks and the government is messing everything up",
and then they go home and they yell at their spouse and kick their dog. It's making it worse.
As opposed to coming from a place of positivity. I'm so profoundly grateful for the rich and abundant
life that I enjoy. Now, how likely am I to go do something productive? See, it's like a power switch.
It turns it on where we can actually get some things done. This is the way we can get away from
the frustration that has us all trapped and move into a productive upgrade to whatever's coming
next. You can probably tell from this video that it's a journey it's not a destination. There's more
to be done. Queue up that next video, how you can reprogram your mind to stay strong and positive.
You're going to get some other good ideas from that one. Queue it up and I'll see you over there.