five years ago I was in a room similar
to this one doing the fourth round of
interviews for a job that I really
wanted there was a silence and then the
next question came okay
teach me something that caught me
completely off guard the interviewer was
open to learn from me
with one question he had just reversed
the power dynamic in the situation he
made me feel not tested but trusted and
I discovered that it's possible to get a
job at Google by reciting a poem in
Spanish these types of discoveries can
only happen when you're open open to
learn and open to unlearn what do I mean
when I say unlearn I'll use an example
can I see a show of hands if you've ever
moved countries or apartments okay many
of us know the joys of packing in that
case you're anything like me you
completely underestimate the amount of
stuff that you own and so you end up
last minute
throwing fancy wrapping paper and candle
holders just everything that is left
into this one box that you put in the
basement of your new apartment and we'll
never actually open up again
sounds familiar
sometimes opinions perceptions concepts
become like that box they gets dusty and
it's useful to open them see what's in
them and throw away what doesn't serve
us anymore this is what I call
unlearning it is a practice and today
we'll do exactly that
we'll go down to the basement and open
up two metaphorical boxes together
the first one is play it safe
now when I decided to recite a poem
during a job interview I was taking a
risk and before knowing that I had
actually gotten the job I was filled
with self-doubt and regrets so I didn't
tell anyone about the poem situation
I was scared I thought they were gonna
tell me to play it safe we are told to
not take too many risks and are invited
to follow a more predictable safer path
instead this is an important box to open
why because it has major implications in
our lives from what career path we're
supposed to follow to what our romantic
life is supposed to look like and today
I want to look at it in relationship to
skills there is also an important
Association related to the safe path
which is that there is only one
definition of success but its success
the same for everyone the success mean
the same for me than for you okay
returning to our skills lens I want to
tap into your wisdom so using the
traditional heart and soft skills
division so as a refresher hard skills
are technical and specialized skills
such as coding and soft skills are
emotional and social abilities such as
empathy right so what type of skills do
you associate to playing it safe hands
up for hard skills hands up I don't see
many hands I want to see more hands
participate okay great so we see a
couple of them what about soft skills
okay interesting there's a couple of
well different views here in the room
which is interesting and some of you did
not participate and maybe it is because
you were thinking wait is this reader an
either/or question what tends to be more
accurate is robust research
and maybe you're familiar with this
paper that the World Economic Forum
published on the future of jobs where
they identified the top ten skills that
were required to flourish in 2020 as you
can see they're mostly soft skills does
it surprise you coming back to our
previous question is there something to
unlearn for you now I asked you about
associations and I think associations
are very interesting a very good tool
for unlearning because they highlight
perspectives that we might not be aware
of and if we use the lens of semantics
we can see that heart is often
Association associated with traits such
as strength and resistance qualities are
stereotypically more masculine while
softness is linked to gentleness
delicacy
weakness sometimes which are
stereotypically more feminine traits
there is an important disclaimer to be
made here which is that when I talk
about feminine and masculine I am NOT
talking about gender identity the
feminine is not exclusive for women just
as the masculine is not exclusive for
men there are sets of qualities that men
women non-binary trans people every one
can develop and just as we can have both
soft and hard skills we can also have
both masculine and feminine traits
simultaneously we need to unlearn that
this is an either/or scenario reality is
more nuanced than that the magic words
are both and
and we can cultivate the straights and
integrate them and balance them both at
an individual level and at a wider
social and cultural level so let's go
down to our basement and pick up the
second box think of a leader take a
moment to become aware of the image that
comes to your mind are you thinking of a
specific gender race age outfit
are you visualizing an individual or a
group how do you know this is a leader
is it because of a formal title or is it
a set of behaviors what behaviors
researchers at the University of Yale
did a study to understand what traits we
associate to leadership what they found
was that masculine traits such as
assertiveness were seen as necessary
whilst feminine traits such as tolerance
were desirable but optional something
like the cherry on top of the cake right
nice to have but not a deal-breaker
more importantly they found out that
there was a perception of having a
trade-off having to choose between being
likeable or incompetent can we not be
both now of course we're talking here
about stereotypes and just as all models
are wrong but some are useful steer
types are never accurate but sometimes
they can highlight interesting insights
and point at the bigger picture of the
transfer going on underneath and I can
sense a pattern emerging here we tend to
underestimate the importance of the
feminine we said with skills and we said
with leadership traits
now everyone balanced an integration I
think we have to unlearn this this
pattern has been holding us back for a
long time we need to recognize that both
feminine and masculine traits are as
important for leadership
but how do we change those patterns well
we break them we do things differently
and language can be a powerful tool for
this we can create our reality with
language we can start by reclaiming the
word feminine use it consciously and
proud proudly to describe ourselves in
our leadership style I'm curious to get
a sense of how you feel about this so I
would love to see your hands up
if you feel comfortable using the label
masculine to describe yourself can I see
a show of hands
okay what about feminine okay that's a
couple of hints did you raise your hands
twice can I see that okay interesting we
have a lot of diversity in the room
which is interesting but maybe you
didn't raise your hands because you find
labels tricky I get that
labels reduce us they don't get to
capture all of us right but labels can
also give us clarity and the first words
that came to my mind was relationship to
leadership was busyness to be clear in a
business but busyness and I found this
interesting we've come to associate
success with being busy so somehow we
think that the busier we are the more we
are accomplishing and so expulsion is
becoming the new norm and slowing down
is becoming a privilege is well-being a
privilege
I think it is urgent to remember that we
have a choice that we can slow down we
can open those boxes and throw away what
is no longer serving us to me leadership
is not so much about doing more but
being more and yet action is important
and maybe you're thinking okay in theory
I'm learning sounds great but how can I
put it into practice what can I do
there's one simple tool that I want to
share with you that we use at Google to
integrate unlearning into our day-to-day
it looks like this before starting a
meeting an important meeting in which
you're gonna make a decision sorry start
by sharing your bias so instead of
starting with the discussion have a
quick sharing circle in which you staged
your individual bias for example I could
say that I tend to favor views of people
that look like me why is this practice
important and powerful because of three
things first it develops our awareness
we can never throw anything away if we
are not aware that there's a box there
in the first place second it makes
biases visible it encourages us to speak
openly about them rather than pretending
they don't exist or that we don't have
them we all have biases we're conscious
of them or not and thirdly it keeps us
accountable it doesn't dissolve biases
altogether
but it gives us a choice and a
responsibility to keep us in check it
also develops the mindfulness around how
we make decisions how we form opinions I
sense it often we focus so much on the
content on the watch that we forget the
process the how
and maybe you're seeing that with
yourselves today if you're taking notes
see if you're writing down ideas and
concepts or if you're also writing down
how to integrate them how to embody them
I think wisdom doesn't only live in the
head
I think our bodies are very wise and
that's why I like to think of a learning
as a dance a dance
yes a dance why because it's an embodied
practice it requires adaptability and
openness and curiosity and being brave
now all of those skills are useful way
beyond the dance floor they're essential
life skills so maybe we can use the
dance metaphor for life in general I
find it useful to have this images
because they turn insights into
something beautiful and this is exactly
what poetry does - they invite us to
constantly unlearn and see new
possibilities so today I want to finish
with a poem this is a stanza of the
invitation it doesn't interest me how
old you are I want to know if you can
risk looking like a fool for loss
for your dream for the adventure of
being alive thank you
[Applause]