hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn about the 7 secrets of
mastering self control now let's begin number one manual habits forming good habits is a grueling
process if you're trying to exercise regularly well there will be times when you want to skip
the gym and just eat junk food you'll find that you're especially vulnerable to temptation within
the first two months for a lasting habit to form it normally takes about 66 days of hard
work this window gives your body and brain the time to get accustomed to new behaviors as long
as you're consistent new habits will start to feel unconscious and automatic by the end but
before that happens you have to survive any new habits growing pains you can't cut yourself too
much slack you can't let yourself cheat or talk yourself out of it we've all had lazy
days where these terrible judgment calls seemed like a great idea but they never are so what
can you do to make this process easier well the simple answer is for sit grit your teeth and try
your best to smile through the pain this arduous process is an essential part of habit formation
your body will resist you old habits will lead you astray it won't always feel fun or natural
but you have to keep pushing the more consistent you are the faster your habits will form number
2 daily monitoring no matter what you're trying to accomplish monitoring your behavior is a great way
to keep yourself on the right path think of it like a to-do list doesn't it feel great to look
back and see all your goals crossed out monitoring works the same way but instead of crossing things
off you're filling them in this gives you the opportunity to physically see your progress
happening calorie counters are probably the most popular example of monitoring these programs
let you keep track of the total calories that you consume each day if you're making progress
these low totals will leave you feeling happy and confident you'll be even more motivated to
find the same success day after hmm on the other hand if you're not making progress monitoring
remind you of what you're doing wrong it's easy to simply ignore a bad habit out of sight out of mind
right but when it's laid out on paper you can't pretend it didn't happen daily monitoring ensures
that those mess ups don't just slip through the cracks number three managing anticipation why is
it so hard to resist buying the next big thing how do you stop yourself from doing things you know
you shouldn't we struggle to control vices like overspending because of something psychologists
call anticipatory joy imagine you see a commercial for the next generation phone oh you love all the
new features and suddenly start imagining what your life would be like if you had one you can
finally take amazing pictures like you see online you could organize your whole life with a touch of
a button you subconsciously imagine extravagant vacations memorable experiences and lasting
friendships you get so excited about the limitless possibilities that you forget one important thing
it's just a foam anticipatory joy is a trick your brain plays on itself when you want something your
brain doesn't always think rationally the idea of improving your life stimulates the release
of feel-good hormones they reward anticipation and emotion but make it harder for you to think
through your decisions so once you start imagining happiness your brain blindly fills in the gaps
with friendship and fun most of the time you're not actually excited about whatever it is you
want to buy you're excited about the lifestyle you imagine comes with it so what happens after
you buy the phone obviously your life doesn't suddenly change you might find yourself feeling
disappointed you got so excited about that perfect mental image but but now that you're
here you realize how unrealistic your expectations were you might feel frustration or regrets so you
search for something else to make you happy before you know it you're trapped in the same deceptive
vortex of anticipation and disappointment to clarify anticipatory joy affects more than just
your spending habits you get the same feeling when you ditch work to go to a concert or take a random
road trip thinking it'll be some life-changing journey your emotions convince you that it's worth
it to be reckless and out-of-control they sell you a vision of your future that unfortunately
will never come true if you let your expectations get the best of you you'll end up jumping from
one letdown to the next so how do you keep your imagination under control anticipatory joy isn't
actually a bad thing you're just aiming it the wrong way instead of getting excited about the
material things you want concentrate on the person you want to be start anticipating what your life
will look like when you accomplish your goals that way you're excited about something that
will actually make you happy number four patterned living to master self control you need to look at
your habits a little differently less discipline people tend to use an act mindset in other words
they view their individual actions as isolated incidents let's say you're trying to be more
productive you might think there's nothing wrong with procrastinating one time but it's never just
once is it whether you realize it or not cheating tonight encourages you to cheat tomorrow you're
rewarding your brain for breaking the rules so by giving yourself a free pass you're letting those
bad habits sneak back in this is why people with more self-discipline use a pattern mindset imagine
each action as one little part of a huge line of dominoes knocking just one down would mean you're
ruining the whole thing while habit formation isn't quite as dramatic everything you do good
or bad is connected somehow the simple truth is stronger patterns make stronger people number
five calculated distractions self-control isn't about removing all distractions from your life
having no distractions can be as bad as having too many there are very few people in the world that
can actually live that kind of lifestyle even though some distractions destroy productivity
others can play an important role they relieve stress and give you a chance to recharge a
distraction may even inspire you or help you see things differently breaks and distractions will
build your self-control by avoiding frustration and fatigue but there's a right and a wrong way
to get distracted let's start with the wrong way distractions are meant to be short and sweet they
shouldn't take up hours of your time or create more stress than they take away the point is
to give your mind a quick breather not to take it out of the game entirely a calculated distraction
should bring you a short burst of happiness its main job is to improve your mood and refresh your
mind that's why music crafts and snacks are three of the best ways to distract your brain
music lifts your spirits and motivate you to keep pushing crafts like drawing and journaling give
your brain some much-needed creative freedom finally snacks give you a boost of energy and
they just taste good like any muscle in your body your brain can't perform without a little rest and
relaxation so use these calculated distractions to make sure you're recharging the right way number
six voiding temptations distractions serve another valuable purpose for people learning
self-control when you imagine a distraction you probably think of watching TV or browsing social
media there are time wasters you do instead of doing something more productive but this isn't
the only type of distraction out there a study from Columbia University found that distractions
could be powerful tools to keep you from making mistakes in this famous study researchers gave
marshmallows to a group of four-year-olds to test their self-control they told each child not to
eat the marshmallow no matter how badly they wanted to as you might have guessed plenty of
the kids didn't listen but the ones who did stay disciplined by distracting themselves they sang
or played games to get the marshmallow off their mind and you know what it worked you can do the
same thing to avoid falling back into bad habits whether it's cheating on your diet or spending too
much money distractions can stop you from giving to temptation every time you feel like breaking
force your brain to think about something new but don't just stare at your phone or binge another
show on Netflix you need distractors that make you feel fulfilled and motivated you can read
a book listen to a podcast or just go do some chores the point is to associate self-control
with something that makes you feel better about yourself when you do hit a rough patch this is an
easy and effective way to get through without sacrificing the progress you've made as time
goes on you'll need to distract yourself less and less eventually those bad habits won't even cross
your mind number seven productive forgiveness we've talked a lot about preventing mess-ups and
avoiding temptations but sometimes we just make bad decisions you might skip a day break your diet
or slip back into old habits so what do you do then you start by forgiving yourself one mistake
can hurt your progress but it doesn't mean you can't come back you shouldn't fall into a downward
spiral and throw away all of your hard work even if you take one step backwards you can always
start moving forward again the longer you wait to confront your mistakes the harder it is to recover
from them forgive yourself right away without letting yourself off the hook your mistakes can
be incredibly motivating but only if you make an effort to learn from them hey thank you for
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