Hey, do you want to know
By the end of this video,
I'm going to break it all down for you,
so that you will know too.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung and I am an attorney.
I am a best-selling author and I am a narcissist negotiation expert.
I teach you how to deal with
the most toxic personality on the planet, and
how to go from where to begin, all the way to a win.
If that sounds good to you,
make sure you hit subscribe,
hit that notification bell,
that way you'll get notified when I upload new videos.
Let's talk about that toxic personality and
what to never do when you are dealing with them.
I just want to say something about this.
If you have already done some of these things,
do not beat yourself up over it, okay?
Wherever you are now is where you can begin, right?
Right now is your jumping off point and
it's never too late unless you actually give up.
I just wanted to say before I get going with this,
that if you're sitting there going,
“Oh my God, I already did that.”
Don't beat yourself up over it.
You can always make that ground back up.
Today is a new day.
Let's talk about this.
The first thing I want you to never do with narcissists
is expect them to be loyal to you.
They're only loyal
to looking out for number one and that's themselves.
Not anybody else in the world.
There's a lot of reasons for it, and
I do want to say something else with this,
a lot of times in my videos I'll say,
this is why they are like that,
this why they look out for number one,
this is why they don't have the ability
to have any care, compassion, sympathy or empathy for others
and I've heard some of you say,
“Oh, you're defending them”,
I am not defending them.
Let me just make sure that I am very clear,
I'm simply helping you to
understand the psyche of the personality
so that you can stop beating your head against the brick wall.
If you've watched my videos
you also know that I have said that beating your head
against a brick wall would actually be more satisfying
because at least the brick wall is not actively trying
to manipulate you, gaslight you and take you down.
Which is what narcissists try to do,
especially if they don't think that you’re for them anymore.
Because remember, with the narcissists, you’re either
for them or against them,
if you're against them,
they see you as public enemy number one,
they want to take you down, before you take them down.
No matter what they say,
even if they have said,
“I'll always be there for you”,
“I will never let you down”
most of the time when they say those kinds of things,
it’s future faking,
it's not necessarily because they actually feel that way.
It's because they want you to come off of whatever it is that,
you're trying to hold them accountable for.
If you want to know more about future faking,
you can definitely check out my video on that topic.
Don't expect loyalty, not from a narcissist.
Another thing never to do with narcissists is
to explain, justify or overshare.
What I mean by that is, when you are negotiating with them,
when you’re emailing with them, when you're texting with them,
it's very common to want to defend yourself, to want to explain,
to want to take everything point by point, and
go “that's not right”, “that's a lie”
“how would you say that?” “how can you believe that?”
“how could you say those things knowing all the things I've done for you?”
You want to point out all of your contributions,
your accomplishments, all the things that you've done for that person.
So for you, don't try to justify, explain or overshare
because you're not gonna get anywhere with that.
So I stick with just the facts, ma'am or sir,
just respond to the things that you need to respond to.
To the rest of it, you can just say, “I deny your allegations”,
“I'm in receipt of your email. I deny your allegations.
Here's the one thing I needed to respond to” and leave it at that.
I call it tactical responses, just never explain, justify or overshare.
The next thing never to do is to expect them to change.
I guess there are stories out there of narcissists
who have changed and
who have done the inward work that they need to do and
it's just so rare that,
if you sit around waiting for that,
you're going to be disappointed and
they’re probably taking advantage of you
along the way, as they do it.
So, especially if you're negotiating with them,
you definitely don't want to be taken in by that, because
if they act like they've changed,
it's probably just a manipulation, and a move.
Maybe it's a hoover or a future fake
or something like that
in order to try to get you to be back into their web of control.
So, don't expect that.
Number four is
Not really, if they need to,
in order to manipulate you, then they might.
But, for the most part it's deny, project, deflect and lie.
They'll do that too.
They don't want to have to take responsibility for their actions
because then that is less of themselves, right?
They don't have a sense of self, it's already very fragile.
So, by having to take responsibility,
they feel like they're being exposed and they don't want that.
If you want to know more about
what happens when you expose a narcissist,
check out my video on that topic too.
The next one is,
never to give them ammunition.
In other words, don't do things
that make it easy for them to make you a target,
like, get super emotional, get angry.
I was just talking to somebody recently
where the wife is bipolar and
she wasn't on her meds and
she was kicking, hitting the husband,
pushing him and doing all of these things to him.
As a response, because he was angry, he broke a table.
Now, she has something on him, right?
So, don't give them ammunition.
Never, ever, ever do that.
If you're never going to do these things,
I want you to put “never” in the comments below.
We still have five more.
Number six is,
never justify or defend their behavior.
Don't make excuses for them.
Don't allow yourself to go,
“well, they had a horrible childhood” or “they're stressed out at work” or
whatever it is that's going on with them,
because it's never a good excuse to be abusive.
Abusing somebody, whether it's physical or emotional,
psychological abuse, or any form of abuse they're inflicting on other people,
it's just never okay
and there's a lot of people out there who’ve had
the same kinds of horrible things happen to them and
they're not abusive to other people
never justify or defend their behavior,
That's not good for you,
it's not good for them and it just enables it.
So, never do that.
Number seven is,
never get into the mud with them.
Once they trigger you,
once they're trying to goad you,
they’re goading you to try to get down into the mud with them and
that's not going to get you anywhere.
When you're trying to say you're in a lawsuit and
they file something and you file something,
and then back and forth.
Now, the only person who benefits from that
are the people who are in the system.
Lawyers and people like that.
Otherwise, you guys don't,
you never get anywhere with that.
So never get into the mud with them.
Instead, create strategy, and leverage,
so that you can come out of this thing,
unscathed, which is what I teach you.
So, make sure you follow me because of that.
Next is,
don't ever get sucked in by the hoover or the love bomb.
So, when you start to walk away,
when you start to create those boundaries and you're saying,
I'm not going to do this anymore,
now I see what's going on and
I want to get out of this thing or
I want to start handling this in a way
that's powerful and productive.
That's when they might start to hoover you,
they might start to love bomb you and
they might start to come back.
I do have videos on both of those topics as well,
if you want to know more about that.
But they're going to come back in and
start trying to use all of the charming wiles that they used
in order to get you into their little web of control in the first place.
Never get sucked into that.
The next one is
never fall for the future fake
when you're trying to get them to be held accountable for something,
you're not liking their behavior in some way,
they didn't do something they were supposed to do,
or they did do something and
they start telling you that things are going to be great and
everything's going to be different.
You'll see.
That's the future fake and never fall for that.
The last thing never to do with narcissists is
never put anything in writing that
they could possibly use against you.
As your lawyer, I have to tell you this
joking, but not joking.
Seriously, you have to remember that
everything you put your hand to is a potential trial exhibit,
whether it's in a business situation,
a personal or family law situation.
Every text, every email, every social media post
is a potential trial exhibit, so
if you don't want to potentially see it again,
in a court of law,
then do not hit send and do not hit post.
Now, if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
grab my free crush my negotiation prep worksheet free ebook
at winmynegotiation.com.
Join me in my free private Facebook group
“Narcissists Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”
I'd love to see you in fair.
If you like this video,
give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment,
let me know that you're never going to do these things
not ever, anymore.
If you haven't subscribed to my channel,
now is a good time to do that.
Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung
Remember that it's never too late
to live your best life and
negotiate your best life
I will see you in the next video.