I've been going to therapy for a
long-ass time and in looking back there
are four main lessons I've worked on
that have helped me regulate my emotions
improve my quality of life and embody a
more mindful me one how you talk to
yourself can transform your life when
you're kind to yourself forgiving with
yourself encouraging of yourself watch
as your life flourishes you know my
self-talk used to be incredibly critical
mean and non compassionate but when
you're aware of your self-talk
you can then improve it now my rule is
that I talk to myself the same way that
I would talk to a close friend okay I
wasn't your best moment but we learned a
valuable lesson here that we can
implement in the future yeah yeah I'm
glad this happened
I'm glad this happened this was good
this was good it grateful for this - you
can't make emotional appointments
whatever you're feeling is valent
because feelings are facts even if
someone had good intentions if they've
said something or done something that
has hurt you you are allowed to feel her
it's really important to give yourself
the space and permission to feel
whatever it is that you're feeling so
you can process it and move forward and
though you cannot control your feelings
your reaction to them is something well
within your control
so when conflict inevitably happens
instead of shoving feelings down and
letting resentment Fester take a step
back reflect and then talk directly to
the person about how they made you feel
when you make plans with other people
like right in front of me and then you
don't invite me out for these plans I
just feel really like left out and
excluded and like I'm not important or
something and so if you're gonna make
plans with other people I would just
love it if you could do it in private
three boundaries are actually a blessing
you know I used to be very uncomfortable
with saying no to things but now I
realize that that's incredibly healthy
if things are too overwhelming it's okay
to communicate that it's okay to say
that hey this makes me really
uncomfortable it's okay to speak up
about the values that are important to
you setting boundaries not only honors
yourself but it honors the people in
your life because it shows
that you can be honest and upfront with
them and that you trust that they can
handle it
okay so when you jump like from the
headboard onto my boobs in the middle of
the night it's really disrupting my
sleep so if you can't refrain from doing
that
I'm gonna have to close my door when
it's bedtime hey you know I'm sorry Hey
okay you don't have to be like that for
this one has really blown my mind like I
had a lot of resistance to this idea at
first I was like no I don't like it are
you ready we are more hurt by our own
expectations of other people than by
their actions we are more hurt by our
own expectations of others than by their
actions I did not like this idea because
I mean besides the obvious caveat of
like abusive action it felt like a
little victim-blaming but then I
realized well okay maybe like we don't
like this because something about it
resonates with me the idea that maybe it
wasn't anyone else that was hurting me
but myself didn't like that because that
means I'm responsible for my own pain
and like who wants to be responsible for
their own pain but when I really analyze
like recent wounds that guy I ended
things with because he wouldn't commit I
was more let down by the potential of a
relationship and of our connection
growing into something beautiful
aka my expectations then when he decided
to reveal that he wanted to keep things
more casual and wasn't ready that friend
who I distanced myself from because I
felt like she wasn't there for me during
hard times I was more disappointed that
the level of giving I was extending
wasn't reciprocated but maybe that's
just not in her nature and that job that
I almost booked but didn't because the
director changed his mind at the last
second I was fully expecting to go in
and just be a movie star this is a
lesson that I also learned about when I
was studying Buddhism in like my early
20s but I think it's one of the hardest
ones because the mind likes to plan and
my mind loves to plant and with planning
comes expectations and with expectations
comes the inevitable disappointment when
they're not met and though it's
unrealistic to assume we'll never have
any expectations we can certainly
recognize when our reality isn't lining
up to the fantasy in our head of who
someone is and what they should do so
there you have it for impactful lessons
from my last decade of therapy that'll
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