- How do you describe
our current relationship to others?
- That's complicated.
- We're best friends.
- Sometimes that's not enough.
- It didn't work out.
- We had something real.
- I still love her.
- That fucked me up.
- It makes me like, want to punch you in the face.
- I can't believe you're physically here in front of me.
- I know.
- That's crazy.
- It's really, really fucking weird.
- Yeah, it is.
- What do you remember from the first time we met?
Oh, these are good.
- Oh, you were just very nice
but you really were just very nice was like
- You were pretty easy though
to be in a relationship.
- Okay.
- And then I remember how you was just staring at me.
- And I think I was dancing
- Classic governor's Island, dancing in the rain and
- And like the sun was setting
and I climbed up on a fence
- To see the sunset
- Yeah. And you climbed up With me.
- Yeah.
- So I just remember like you walking past
and asking me if I wanted to take a walk after studying
- It was just, so there was, there was no history.
There was no baggage.
There was just like two 16 year olds in love.
- Our relationship was so like pure
and wholesome
- It was.
- Because it was just us
like saving each other seats on the bus.
- Yeah.
- You were my best friend.
A thousand percent.
- Yup.
- Yeah.
- That's what made it really sucky.
It's a damper, but you know, when it ended
it's like I lost my boyfriend and my best friend.
- This actually just came to mind.
I'm really hesitant to ask you
about when you cheated on me.
- You cheated on me.
- I kissed someone else.
- Me cheating on you and betraying you
that sense of betrayal.
- Well, I knew we were going there.
- I did not know that.
- No. Cause I didn't want to tell you.
- That was crazy.
- That it was definitely like what took it like
- Over the edge.
- Yeah.
- Like it really makes me so like even thinking about it
it makes me like want to punch you in the face.
- I apologize.
I have no I've said it multiple times, but I didn't.
I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- What made you leave me?
- I don't know.
I really don't know.
Like everyone asks me that
like I genuinely have no idea why
- That's what gets frustrating about you sometimes
with people that like, people think you're so amazing
and you are so amazing, but like you make mistakes.
Like you have flaws.
You're not the most self-reflective person all the time.
- You decided who you were and because it's unchanging
it's why we can't be together.
It's not because you did anything wrong
or I did anything wrong.
Like we did the best we could.
- We've dated how many times
and it just hasn't worked.
But I feel like that's also like a maturity thing.
- It was me being young and like naive
like not having you and my first relationship right.
- Yeah.We were really young.
- So it was me not knowing
what like what it means to just stick
with someone or like it's okay to stick with someone.
- I think we probably realized that
we at some point stopped growing together
and maybe started growing apart.
- I couldn't get past the fact
that you didn't feel comfortable enough
to speak to me about it.
Because I thought we were close enough
to be able to be transparent.
- I felt like we planned things our future
and then it was just like, get that out of here.
- It just felt
like I was trying to save a relationship that was gone.
Like we were never gonna be
what we were in high school again.
- I just felt so betrayed.
I felt weak.
I felt myself just sinking.
All right.
I've never been in like a hole like that before.
- I was in a not a good place and I needed to be alone.
- I know.
- And I understand why you refuse to leave
because that's what we've always done.
We've always stayed and worked it out.
- And then I had to basically check myself.
We're, we're here because of me and
- So
- I'm gonna use these tissues.
- I feel like you have to understand
the place I was coming from.
When I made the choices I made.
- It's like, still hasn't happened yet.
But when you and I like do find other people
that we connect emotionally to, like
there's obviously going to be a gap here.
- I mean we haven't like talked about, you know
what other relationships look like?
Like we haven't talked about as friends
like you dating and me dating.
We haven't talked about that.
- I think the biggest thing was the fact that it was
like a friend, your friend.
- Why though?
- I don't know.
It was just weird for me.
Like, it was the fact that I've seen this guy
for like a year and like shaking his hand.
And he's like, this guy that's like in your life
like he's been there the whole time.
And then all of a sudden it's like, you're together now.
And it's like, always made me think like
did he always like,
- No.
- But that's the thing like
that's what, that's what I thought.
Right? Like.
- Every single one of the people that I called friends,
every single one tried to kiss you.
- We haven't touched on that at all but like,
- I feel that's cause we kind of can't
because I always tell you
I'm not going to find anyone else, which like
I still believe that to be true.
But like, if you were to find someone else
like I'd want you to be happy
- I'm totally fine to hear you tell me
about things that you're going through with your partner
or because we have that kind of relationship.
And I want, wanna know that I can do that
with you without there being this, like.
- Yeah, I almost feel like it would be a little bit
of a waste of our last
- Yeah.
- 12, 13 years.
- Yeah.
- I think that's going to take me a while.
I do think that if you had a girlfriend like officially,
Facebook status official girlfriend, I'd want to know.
- Yeah.
- I'm probably gonna have to go through the grieving
process again, once you start dating somebody.
- If your next relationship isn't me.
- I knew your gonna said that.
- I had to put it in there because now we're like open
to the possibility of like, okay, if we work
through our shit, then maybe we can have something again.
- Whatever. Consider dating again
- You know my answer.
- Right now, no.
- No.
- I would say no.
- I don't know.
- Consider it. Maybe.
- I don't know if you'd want to
but like I would
- I would.
- But it wouldn't be for awhile.
- Yeah I wouldn't say I will want to
but it's just how plans fall.
- Yeah.
- And so if it doesn't happen, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- But if you are into it and
and there is a point that we could come back together,
you definitely have to earn me.
- Yeah.
- That's for sure.
- Yeah.
- If we ever did date, you know,
we'd have to have a lot of talks,
real talks, transparency, and just realness.
And then we'd be able to answer that question correctly.
- Part of me is happy that you're happy.
And then part of me is still like, what could I have done?
Or what could we have done to have not got to where it was?
I guess.
- I absolutely want you to be happy and loved.
And in a relationship that serves you.
- I want you to date someone that helps you sleep better.
And like, it makes you open up and not stress as much.
- Maybe the relationship
I needed to really be having
was the one with myself.
- Yeah.
- Like I want my person to be like you.
- Yeah.
- What I want.
- Absolutely.
- This is what I want.
- Yeah.
- And that's not what we had.
- Like I said
- I will always love you in a sense.
Maybe not be in love with you, but I will always love you.
And I don't think I'm ever going to love someone
else the same way, but I will love others.
And that will be different.
It's not gonna change the way I feel about you.
- I know.
- I think if anything, it's just like
I just want you as my friend.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Just want you as my friend.
- Okay. Because your turn.