Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today we’re going to tackle a tough question that I get quite
often.
And the question is, “How do you get out of the friend zone?”
You may have experienced where you have this best friend, he’s amazing, he’s awesome,
and you start thinking, “This guy is everything I’ve actually always wanted,” and that
there’s a part of you that starts to feel attracted to him.
And so what do you do?
Because, inherently, there’s a risk involved when moving from the friend zone or trying
to move from the friend zone into the relationship zone.
So I want to make it clear that if you’re going to attempt this, you have to be willing
to risk losing the state of the friendship the way it is currently.
Now, it doesn’t mean you will lose the friendship altogether, but chances are that if you do
this and it doesn’t work out, that you’re going to endure a period where the friendship
isn’t quite what it was.
Now, I know a lot of people who have jumped from friend zone into relationship zone successfully
and people who can tried and it didn’t go so well, but they were able to maintain the
friendship and they’re still great friends to this day.
So I just want you to understand the risks as I give you these three steps to take because
these three steps are going to give you the greatest chance of moving from the friend
zone to having a relationship with this guy and minimize the risk so that if it doesn’t
work out, you can at least maintain the great friendship that you have with him now.
So phase number one of this process is called create sexual tension.
Because the difference between a friendship and a relationship, or a romantic relationship,
is sexual tension.
Oftentimes, people who get married, they say, “Well, I’m getting married to my best
friend who I want to sleep with.”
It’s friendship with sexual attraction combined that create an amazing relationship.
So what you want to do is to have him start seeing you as this sexual being while igniting
his masculine energy.
But how do you do that in a way that’s classy and a way that really works that maintains
the friendship?
Well, one easy way to do that is to put up a false barrier and let him know that something
he’s doing, something he’s wearing, something that he’s about is attractive to you or
that you find sexy or that turns you on.
Here’s an example: you can say, “Hey, it’s a good thing that we’re just friends
because that cologne you’re wearing absolutely drives me wild.”
Or you can say, “It’s a good thing that we’re just friends because that jacket on
you is so sexy right now.”
And what you’re doing with that is your putting up a false barrier, which ultimately
strikes to his masculine energy, that he wants to break down anything that might stand in
his way.
It’s a challenge, ultimately, to him.
And masculine energy responds to challenge.
And you’re letting him know that you’re a sexual being, that you have sexual energy,
sexual thoughts, that something’s turning you on or something’s driving you wild and
that plants a little seed in the back of his mind, maybe opening him up to seeing you in
a way that he hasn’t seen you before.
This brings us to phase two, which is to create mystery.
See, oftentimes when a woman has a guy friend that is a great guy friend but that she’s
interested in more than a guy friend, more like a boyfriend, she’ll start to give him
some boyfriend privileges before he’s actually earned it.
Here’s what I mean: she’ll let him stay over and sleep in her bed and maybe they cuddle
all night long but don’t really do anything.
Or she’ll let him give her a back rub without their shirts on.
Or she’ll let him hear all the juicy details about a date that she went on and someone
that she hooked up with.
Or she’ll even let him see her in her underwear or even naked.
What you want to do is stop treating him like a boyfriend and start treating him like just
a real friend and remove those privileges and keep those for boyfriend privileges.
This creates mystery.
And here’s something that you can say.
As you kind of pull back on some of those things that maybe you’ve done in the past
and he says, “Hey, you know, let me snuggle with you in the bed.
Let me stay the night,” and you say, “You know what?
I like you and I’m reserving that for boyfriend privileges,” with a little cheeky smile
on your face.
Now this brings me to the moment.
It’s called creating the opening.
And this is the moment that’s going to require you to be brave, it’s the moment that’s
going to require you to really lean in and go for something that you want.
And the first part of creating the opening is giving him a warning shot, okay?
You want to help prepare him in this conversation for what’s about to come and most important
is your energy around this.
Your energy – and a lot of women go to the wrong energy.
They go into this intense, “It’s a big deal.
Oh my God, it could be life-changing,” and it’s super heavy and intense.
You don’t want that vibe.
You want the vibe that it’s something on your mind, that it’s casual, that it’s
fun, that it’s a possibility, that it’s no big deal.
So that’s the spirit in which you want this conversation to be in.
Casual, fun, no big deal.
And so here’s how you set up the warning shot for him: “Hey something’s been on
my mind recently and I’d love to share it with you and actually it’s a little bit
vulnerable so I would love for you to be totally honest with me.”
Simple as that.
It’s a warning shot, and you say that and immediately you’ve got this man’s attention.
The next thing you want to do is explain the conflict that’s happening inside of you
because chances are there’s a big part of you that loves the friendship that you have
and there’s another part of you that’s having this attraction.
And so here’s how you phrase it.
You can say, “A big part of me loves our friendship, and recently, I’ve noticed this
other part of me that feels an attraction for you, and like a more-than-friends attraction
and it feels a little bit conflicting.
And honestly, I’m not sure what to do with that energy.”
Simple.
Again, the tone is no big deal, casual, and completely comfortable in your own skin with
what you’re experiencing.
Then, the last thing you do is you put the ball in his court.
So you say, “You know, it’s a little bit conflicting and I’m honestly not quite sure
what to do with this energy.
What do you think?”
Don’t ask him how he feels; ask him what he thinks.
So you’ve set up the conflict that you’re having inside of you and say, “And I’d
love to know what you think,” and then let him talk.
Now, at this moment, if he’s feeling attraction for you, if that’s been going on in his
mind, you have broken the ice, you hacv given him a big green light and made it okay to
have the conversation about this and to explore it.
If he’s not feeling that way, because you’re not making it a big deal and life-changing,
this huge thing that’s threatening your friendship, it’s just this causal energy,
and if he says, “Actually, I’m not really digging on you that way, I’m really just
enjoying our friendship and see you as a friend,” then you can say, “Okay.
No big deal,” and your vibe is that you’re just going to redirect that energy towards
somebody else and you’re going to maintain the friendship.
Now, again, this is a risk to be clear.
But in life, there’s never a great reward without great risk.
But when you use these three phases of creating sexual tension, creating mystery, and creating
the opening and being direct and lighthearted in your approach to this, then you’re really
maximizing the possibility and maximizing the possibility that your friendship will
be intact if you choose to remain friends rather than being in a relationship.
So if you like this video, I encourage you to share it with someone who may be in this
position right now.
It could really serve them.
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And there’s a resource for you in this video.
I’m posting a link right in this video and below in the description – a resource that
will help you expand the love in your life and attract the man that you want.
Thanks so much for watching.
I’ll talk to you soon.