Are you stuck being the nice guy? Because if you are the nice
guy, you're probably constantly wondering why you find yourself
stuck in the friendzone why other guys are getting what they
want, while you are floundering. Here's the problem. Nice guys
don't get what they want. They constantly wonder what they're
doing wrong and they feel powerless. They allow their
relationships or their lack thereof to run their life. And
worst of all, they exude victim energy. And that's why in this
video, we're going to go over why the term nice guy is super
misleading. And why being the nice guy isn't so nice. after
all. I'm Caitlin V. And today we're going to talk about what a
nice guy actually is how to get over your nice guy persona in
dating so that you can command space in all of your
relationships, in your work in your family, with your friends,
in the boardroom. And in the bedroom, we're going to talk
about how to achieve the respect and positive relationships that
you want, that are good for everyone involved. I am a sex
and relationship coach. And for years, I have been helping men
to have the kind of sex and the type of relationships that they
truly want. You can find me here on YouTube, where I post a new
video every week. And you can find me on Instagram where I
post something every day to help you live your best sex life.
Alright, nice guys. And soon to be former nice guys. Here's the
thing, I have a problem with the term nice guy. Because I hope
that you are nice, like I have that you are a nice human being
that is basically like the vanilla wafer of cookies. Like
it's, it's the lowest standard like it's fine, it's great good
with banana pudding. Not much special about it, I hope that
you are at least meeting the minimum standards of being nice.
So let's redefine what's meant by the nice guy. And let's
actually call him what he really is, which is a martyr. Because
martyrs aren't actually nice guys, murderers put themselves
into the victim slot. Nice guys are actually victims who are
manipulating from the bottom. Let me explain. The average nice
guy is being nice in exchange for something. He's being nice
because he wants as he wants a relationship he wants to prove
that this woman is actually being a fool for not falling for
him even though he she's already made it clear that she's not
interested. At the end of the day, the nice guy is actually a
welcome mat, or a human whipping device that is ready to snap at
any minute because he's so exhausted from being so nice
that he is going to snap and totally lose it. The nice guy
doesn't have any wants are his own desires, he exists to please
others, he only exists because of other people. He's like the
worst kind of people pleaser. And if this actually sounds like
you, I have good news because you do not have to stay a martyr
you can actually become an evolved man, the kind man the
evolution of the nice guy is got to be the kind man because look,
we definitely want you to be kind women want you to be kind,
we want you to be kind without manipulation, we want you to be
kind without shakiness. We want you to actually be a kind,
adult, man. And what nice guys are doing is not conscious, it's
not productive, and it's not good for women. So let's talk
about how to stop being the nice guy. Well, the first thing
you've got to do is acknowledge what you've been doing and how
you have been benefiting from it. Because you would not have
been playing the martyr for so long. If these behaviors had not
been benefiting you in some way. Sometimes the benefits are that
you actually don't have to take responsibility. You can please
people, you never have to stand up for yourself. You never have
to actually declare your own wants or desires or intentions.
Maybe it's that you never have to try therefore you can never
fail. Or you can stay well inside of your comfort zone. And
women don't get mad at welcome mats. So you get validation from
women just by being a nice guy. Okay, so we're clear on what the
benefits are and how you may be benefiting from having played
this role. Let's talk about what the downsides of being the nice
guy are. Number one, you don't get to be in control of your
life. You are always at the mercy of other people. You do
things in exchange for other things. So maybe you pick her up
from the airport and buy her dinner because you're hoping
that you're going to get laid. Well if you're doing it just to
get laid and not out of the actual kindness of your heart.
It's a manipulation you are trying to trade something you
are treating sex like a commodity that can be traded in
exchange for like help moving and borrowing a car for the
weekend. This is why at the end The day it is not nice, it's
nothing that it's not good for women like you can help us move
and fix our air conditioning units. And we are very
appreciative of that. But when you're trying to get something
from us as a result of doing that you're not really doing us
any favors at all. So now that you're aware of the upsides and
the downsides of your behavior, let's talk about what you can
do, I'm going to give you a step by step to actually stop being
the nice guy. Number one, stop trading favors for women's
attention. You do not have to win love or affection. You don't
have to earn it, you are worthy of love and affection, and
attention. Regardless, so stop doing her laundry, stop
expressing her dog's anal glands, stop getting her car
washed, whatever be your own damn person, and know that you
are worthy of kindness and attention. No matter what you do
or don't do. Number two, learn how to love yourself. I know
it's a little bit trite, but there's a reason that it said
all of the time, but treat yourself well. build up your
self worth and your self esteem. You will not act as a doormat
for another person. When you are taking excellent care of
yourself loving yourself recognizing that you're worth
more than that. Spend time on things that you're good at. Do
things that make you feel confident develop skills,
understand that you have value number three, ask for what you
want. And say no to what you don't want people this is not
rocket science, but my people pleasers. I love you so much.
And this is where you have the most opportunity to grow. Having
boundaries, saying no to things, putting yourself first in a self
honoring self caring sort of way, not a selfish way. This
means having your own wants. This means having your own
desires. This means being motivated for yourself, not for
other people or what you can get from him. You see kind men like
actual good dude's have desires, they have boundaries, they're
happy to say no, they protect their own energy and their
relationship. So it's really a good sign when you're someone
who can say now, number four, care less about what women think
about you care less, care less about how women perceive you
care less about being wanted needed, desired and useful. Drop
that and care what you think about you care that you do what
is right by you be your own inner guidance of deciding
whether or not that something is right or wrong. Instead of is it
going to make me more loved? Is someone going to be happy with
me? Are they going to like me more? And notice how often that
may be showing up in your life because it's likely not just
showing up with women. You might be doing that with your boss,
with your family with your Mom, stop caring so much what other
people think about you care what you think about you, and stop
needing approval from every damn girl on the internet. See you in
the comments. I love you. But you don't need me to love you.
But I love you anyways. Number five, have integrity. Say what
you mean? mean once you say Don't bullshit, Don't bullshit
don't push it. Women don't bullshit people don't bullshit.
Anyone. Don't bullshit yourself. Don't just say what other people
want to hear, have integrity, tell it like it is say it
straight. This is some of the hardest stuff you ever have to
do is just communicate straight and clearly with other people.
And if you do these five things, you are going to be well on your
way to stop being the murder, stop being the quote unquote,
nice guy and start evolving into your final form of the kind man.
The good news is that this is very, very fixable. So if it
sounds like you and you are ready to change it and put all
of this down and step into your true masculine nature, please
apply for coaching. I and my team work all day every day to
help guys like you actually manifest the life and their
relationships of their dreams, both being powerful and leaders
at work and being incredible, sexy, talented lovers in the
bedroom. Nice guys, I'll make one final plea to you. Trust me
when I say that some of the things that you were doing that
you think are working that you think are moving you towards
where you are trying to go in this world are actually working
against you. You have nothing to lose by trying this on. So take
it for me. It's like a relationship coach, Caitlin V.
Test it out for yourself and see how your relationships start to
change. As a result, get clear on what the benefits are that
you have been getting, but also get clear on what you are losing
by being the nice guy and understand that in order to stop
being the nice guy, you're gonna have to stop trading favors
caring what other people think about you and doing only what
others ask instead of what you know is right by you. It's hard
work but it is worth doing. I believe in you and if you want
my help apply for coaching. The link is in the description
below. Thank you so much. for tuning in today, as always,
please make sure that you're subscribed to this channel, if
you like being amazing. I'm Caitlin V. I'll see you here
next week. Bye