A £330,000 Maclaren Mercedes SLR,
a car designed to be fast and comfortable.
Exactly the qualities you need
when you have to get across eight countries in a single day.
-Ready for this? -Oh, yes!
-Really? -Oh, yes.
'Cause as I see it, you're going to spend all day queuing then in a nightclub
on a car ferry dancing with lorry drivers.
Yeah, but then you...
I'll be driving... a lot!
I have to say, I have every confidence in this car.
In the car, yeah. In the driver... he's old.
His hip's gone. He'll never make it.
I can't believe we're doing this again.
We really should beat him this time. I'm going to run!
Heathrow to Oslo.
I'm mad for doing this!
Hello. Newcastle, please.
-Is the flight delayed? -No. There's no delay on the flight.
-What sort of aeroplane is it? -737.
-737... Is it a 737-400...? -Stop it! Please, stop it!
It's funny, sitting here, it's impossible to tell that
I'm in one of the most powerful road cars ever made.
Till I put my foot down, of course, then...
Yes, now it's... Yes!
The SLR was designed so you could cruise to the Nurburgring,
listening to Terry Wogan,
do a mind-blowing lap and then cruise home listening to Ken Bruce.
What I can't bear about air travel is this business
of getting here an hour early to check in, checking in,
and then you just sit around, wasting time.
I'm in a hurry. There's nothing to do but buy rubbish you don't need.
Yeah, you just made my point.
Right. It was time to set the Merc's sat nav for Oslo.
So, there we are, it's saying it's 1,320 miles.
Continue to follow the M25...
Good job I've got some power.
Hurry! Hurry!
Come on! I've got a ferry to catch! I'm in a race! Come on!
-Hurry up and wait. -Queue situation.
-Right. Channel Tunnel straight... -Now turn left.
The Channel Tunnel is straight... I can read!
You useless harridan!
Despite the sat nav, I reach the Channel Tunnel with time to spare.
-That's an Airbus-A340. -I don't care about the plane!
Meanwhile, we'd only managed to get from the check-in to the plane.
So, it's a short flight to Newcastle and then we're on that boat?
-Yeah. -And we're on it for...?
17 hours.
-But he's got to drive 1,300 miles. -1,300 miles.
He's going to have to stop. But we'll travel while sleeping.
Part of me wants that car to win.
But all of me wants Jeremy to lose.
Obviously you get a CD auto-changer with the SLR
and the office has kindly provided me with two CDs...
"Teach Yourself Norwegian"... fluent already...
"101 classic speeches from Mrs Thatcher!"
"No, no, no, no, no, no, this lady's not for turning!"
Welcome to Newcastle where the local time is one o'clock.
-Hello? -Hamster!
-How are you? -Well, I'm not very well, mate.
Why are you not very well?
-You know the 1.30 train we're catching? -Yes.
-No. -You've missed your train?
No, I haven't missed it. It just doesn't exist.
What? How can it not exist?
I gave public transport one little section of my journey and it's let me down.
-Yeah, okay, you missed your train. -It doesn't exist!
Get one after two o'clock.
We've got a bus to catch, so, we're off. Bye!
-He sounded a bit cross towards the end. -So, he's missed it?
Yes, and he's got some preposterous excuse that, "There isn't one!"
-"They've demolished the terminal." -"No, no, everyone else is wrong."
While Jeremy waited for his train, we lunged ahead
and were now on our way to Newcastle's ferry terminal.
Good! Bus! Excellent!
Come on!
As soon as we get off this bus, we get straight on the big boat,
which is like a big party...
-You've built this thing up. -No, I've been on it before.
Spooky!
I wonder what the fastest anyone has ever been in a Eurotunnel train.
How tempting is it to...
No, no, no! Grow up!
So, you've got a band, beautiful dancing girls everywhere...
17 hours of being forced to enjoy yourself.
Yes!
So, do I just drive all the way to France, then, in the train?
-Let's see. We have James... -That's me.
-Permission to come on board, skipper? -Stop it, James, please!
-Can you make this boy walk the plank? -Whatever. Get on the boat!
Unbelievable! I still hadn't left England!
That's enough health and safety. Can we go now?
...followed by an evacuation announcement...
-Will you stop this nautical term thing! -You are then abaft the beam, I think.
Safety instructions are also displayed on the side panels...
It's pretty large.
Pretty blowy as well.
If you ask to be piped aboard, I'm throwing you off.
-Mesdames et messieurs... -We've got them in French!
Start the train!
I think we've got a touch of over-steer on the Princess here.
-He's turning it round. -Yes, I realise that!
-Which way is the sea? -He's not turning it round.
He's going about.
It's going!
Jeremy.
Since we are in a box for half an hour,
it's probably a good idea to explain why I chose the SLR.
You see, most super cars are so brittle and so fragile
that when they are being developed,
they have to be transported everywhere like Hannibal Lecter.
But with this, when they were cold-weather testing it,
they drove it up to the Arctic Circle, did the test
and then drove it all the way back again.
Oslo should just be a langlauf in the park.