In this video, I'm going to be talking about one powerful emotion, one powerful emotion
that nature gave you that will make a man respect you, that too many women have been
conditioned to shut down and suppress. It's so important and it's not what you think.
So I'm excited to share this with you. Hey, check out my book as well. You can grab a
copy, get a copy from the description. It's really, really great and hit the subscribe
button with the little bell, and I'll see you for this very special video right after this.
[Music playing]
I work with a lot of clients from a range, a whole scope of different backgrounds. But
if there's one thing they all have in common, they all want unconditional love. We all want
to feel that unconditional love and acceptance from another, and we want to feel respected
by another in that process too. But unfortunately, many of us have been raised to not have that
unconditional love for ourselves, because if we don't unconditionally love ourselves,
it's very hard to find unconditional love in another. Well, if we don't accept part
of our self, we're going to naturally attract another who doesn't accept that part also.
Men are raised to not accept certain negative emotions. So things like sadness, vulnerability,
insecurity, many men are raised with messages that these are bad things that you should
suppress these emotions, and they're not able to fully accept these parts of themselves.
And in relationship, this can obviously come out in quite unhealthy ways for women though,
for you, the challenge is different. And the challenges many women arise to be good little
girls, you have to behave, and you have to be harmonic with the family, which means that
one very important emotion, you're encouraged to suppress it. And this is the emotion that's
so natural that the animal kingdom has it. When you poke a bear, when you see monkeys
fight, when I try to pat my cat, this emotion comes out and it's always, always there in
all of these species. And that emotion is anger. I don't know what you're thinking.
You're thinking, "Mark, anger is an emotion that is not healthy," or maybe you're thinking,
"Anger is not an emotion that I need any more of. I'm angry already. How is anger going
to make anyone respect me? How does that work?" Well, if you're thinking that, I want you
to keep watching this video, because this is very, very important we get this right.
You see, there is no emotion that nature gave us that carries more energy than anger.
It is a highly charged emotion, a highly energized emotion, ready to get us to act. But there's
also no emotion that has a worse reputation. And on the surface causes more pain. In fact,
many of us, especially young girls have experienced the anger of an angry father, and we've also
experienced anger in our adult life sometimes with incredibly negative consequences. So
how can this be a healthy emotion, and how can you use this emotion to get a guy to respect
you in a healthy way? So before we get into exactly how to do that, I want to make sure
that you know the difference between the unhealthy versions of anger and the stereotypical types
and the one that's going to make a man respect and admire you and promote more unconditional
love in yourself and also in him. So there's four types of anger, and we're going to go
through the three unhealthy ones first, so that you know what to look for.
The first one is anger directed at others. So we're often on the receiving end of this
as children, or even as adults. This is when you think anger, you think of anger often
directed at another person. This is where DV comes from. This is where some really unhealthy
stuff can come from is when someone gets angry, and then they direct that anger at another
human being. They might be frustrated or they might be righteous, but that anger is on the,
on the receiving end. Someone's on the receiving end of that anger, and it is not a good feeling.
That's the first type of unhealthy anger. The second is the same thing, but instead
of directing at another human being, you direct it at yourself. So you make a mistake on an
exam. You do something you think is needy. You don't do your job properly, whatever!
You make a mistake and then you start beating yourself up with anger.
I got a lot of clients that come to me who say, "Why could I, why did I do that? Why
was I so needy with that guy? How could I have been so needy or approval seeking or
validation?" So whatever it is, and they beat themselves up for years, years, and years
over, how could I have been so X with this guy? And it's not good for them, right? It
shows up in your health, those cortisone levels over the years, that anger directed at self
is another reason that anger gets such a bad reputation. And the third unhealthy anger
you see, which is yet another reason anger gets a bad reputation is masking anger. See
an angry man, ask him why he's sad. Now, this isn't exclusive to men either. There's a lot
of women that do this too.
We see people all the time that have access to the emotion of anger, but deep down, they're
actually masking sadness or deep down they're masking insecurity. How often do we see this
in men, right? Where they're insecure or they're sad, and so they unfortunately use anger as
the emotion to express and replace it. So masking anger is not true anger. It's actually
another emotion that's too uncomfortable. And anger is the thing that's coming over
the top to try to change it. So anger directed at others, anger directed itself, anger used
as a mask. These are the unhealthy types of anger that you want to be avoiding. And then
there's number four, which is healthy anger. How can you have a great relationship with
this emotion, foster, unconditional acceptance and love for this emotion and use it to make
a man respect you and respect your boundaries.
You see, many women and maybe you can relate, many of my clients certainly have been cultured
to, to smoosh their anger down. They've been cultured to not feel it because it's kind
of like if anger is the fuel and the boundary's car, that fuel keeps welling up and they have
to keep suppressing it. So the car doesn't drive anywhere. Often as children, I'll score
my clients on this when they first come to me, often as children, we're not allowed to
express anger or we're told it's bad. So we have to suppress this natural God given energy
that's within all of us. But when you really use this, what it becomes is your best signaler
to when your boundaries have been crossed. So your accountant overcharges you, what do
you feel? You see kids playing on your lawn, pulling out plants. What do you feel? You're
in the pub and you see another woman fall across your boyfriend and try to feel him up.
What do you feel? If your answer is anger, then that's healthy, right? That's the emotion
that nature gave you so that you could know this is time you need to reenact a boundary.
You need to act. And that's why emotion, that's why anger carries such high energy as an emotion.
The question though is what do you do with it? Do you scream and lash out at others,
which is crossing their boundaries? Nope. That's anger at others. Do you take it out
on yourself and say, you should have known better or you should have done better. Of
course not. That's anger good directed at self. Do you suppress it? Well, no. Cause
that's how your boundaries get walked on. And that's how you end up losing a guy's respect.
losing respect really from anyone if your boundaries are getting walked on. The key
with anger is to feel it, to know it's a signal to realize the importance of it, and then to act on it.
Not by taking your anger out on someone but by verbally asserting yourself. So your accountant
overcharges you take a breath, time to verbally reassert your boundaries. Kids are on your
lawn. Take a breath, time to either talk to the parents or make sure they get the hell
out of your space. Girl falls across your boyfriend. All right, time to have a real
eye to eye woman to woman chat with her and make sure she knows that's not okay. You gotta
be able to verbally or physically assert those boundaries. Maybe that means moving yourself
away from the situation. For example, getting a new account, leaving the club, whatever
it is, but that is nature's signal. And when you listen to it, when you know it's there,
when you use it to say, "Hey, my boundaries have just been crossed. Thank you, anger for
signaling that to me.
Now, what can I do about it to verbally assert myself and make sure that that boundary is
not crossed again?" You'll be using anger for what nature gave it to you. So when you
listen, really listen for when you feel that in your body, appreciate it, have unconditional
love for that emotion, and then express it in a healthy way using verbal assertion, and
sometimes moving away from the situation. Whatever boundary you need to set, you're
going to be able to use anger as your intuitive signal, to when a boundary has really been
crossed and what you need to do to make sure that boundary is respected and thus, the guy
respects you. Such an important emotion that all of us possibly myself included we're raised
to not really express, to not really fully own. And the best part is the more you do
this, and the more you feel it, you'll notice the less you actually need it. But you've
got to start with a good relationship with anger and have those boundaries respected,
and then you won't need it as much as you go through life because you'll find you just
put out a vibe naturally where men just seem to naturally respect you, and you hardly need
to feel angry at all. It becomes a rare emotion, but it is important you find that unconditional
love for it within yourself and in doing so, you'll find a man on the outside who has unconditional
love for you and your boundaries. That's the video. Check out my book. If you do want to
work with me as a client as well, you can find a link to that in the description, but
make sure you grab the book. Hit the subscribe button with the little bell, and I'll see
you in the next video very soon.