- Hey, everybody.
Today I want to talk to you about ADHD
and whether or not it can cause us to be selfish.
First, it's important to know that ADHD brains don't have
as much norepinephrine or dopamine as non-ADHD brains,
because ADHD brains are lacking
in a protein called dopamine transporters.
And because dopamine is a building block for norepinephrine,
our brain doesn't have what it needs
to build more of that as well.
Does that make sense?
Now, dopamine is a hormone and neurotransmitter
that makes us feel so good.
It's actively involved with the reward system in our brain,
which is otherwise known as the nucleus accumbens.
And therefore, if our ADHD causes us to have less of it,
right, we don't have enough dopamine,
we're going to seek out things
that help our brain to release it.
We want to feel good, right?
And that means that we can be more impulsive.
We can find ourselves taking risks that aren't necessary,
like driving too fast or something like that.
And, you guessed it, get bored really easily,
which I would hypothesize could toggle over
to us feeling anxious, because we all know
how our depression and anxiety symptoms
like to kind of hang out together
and teeter-totter back and forth.
Or if we're really struggling,
the symptoms can happen at the same time.
Ugh. Super uncomfortable.
Not to mention that boredom itself is associated
with more negative thoughts and experiences.
Because let's be honest,
did any of you think of boredom as a good thing?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
Now, moving on,
norepinephrine is also a hormone and neurotransmitter,
and it's produced in our adrenal glands.
It's actively involved in our stress response
and its role is to increase our blood pressure,
our heart rate, ready us, you know, for fight flight freeze.
Therefore, if we don't have
as much norepinephrine in our brain,
it will take much more stimulation to get us to react,
or to be as acutely aware
as those of us with more norepinephrine.
And this can, again, lead to us
feeling bored more frequently.
It's not that we enjoy being in our stress response,
it's that we all need stimulation.
And if the quote, unquote,
normal amount of stimulation doesn't trigger
the feeling or response we want,
we can feel
(expresses bored feeling)
bored, or possibly even agitated,
and look for other ways
to get our brain the stimulation it needs.
In my practice, this can be expressed
through overspending, overeating,
starting fights online or with loved ones,
and starting a ton of projects all at once.
They also link lower levels of norepinephrine
to depression and anxiety symptoms.
So again, it would make sense if we have ADHD
to possibly also struggle with either one of those issues.
Now I know it could sound like
these two neurotransmitters don't have anything
to do with us being selfish or struggling to hold attention.
But if you think about it, it does make sense.
If we don't enjoy most things
and struggle to get that reward or good feeling,
and we also aren't easily excited or even agitated,
we can seek out experiences that elicit those responses.
I was watching a video by my friend,
Jessica McCabe, on her channel, How to ADHD,
I highly recommend it,
and she talked about how those with ADHD
are like heat-seeking missiles for dopamine,
doing everything we can to get that reward center going.
What that means is that we are constantly looking
for something to excite us.
And if I'm being honest, life isn't always that exciting.
Therefore, we can struggle to focus on things
that are important to others because we really
only enjoy the things that interest us,
which can make us look really selfish.
Even though we're just trying to trigger
more dopamine production to make us feel better.
It's easier for us to focus or give attention
to things that are a challenge or new or novel,
or have a really tight deadline.
And that can push us into our stress response a bit
and trigger more dopamine to be released.
And that can be good, you know,
when we're in a new relationship,
or maybe we've just moved,
or we have to finish up this project
because it's due tomorrow.
But over time, it can be hard for us to continue
giving that kind of focus and attention
to things that aren't giving us the same reward.
Meaning that as, let's say that new relationship progresses,
it's not so new anymore,
we may shift our attention from them onto something else.
Or once we've finished that project,
we're not going to get an early start on the next one
because the deadline's just too far out.
We don't feel that pressure.
So what do we do to keep ourselves focused,
attentive, and protect our relationships,
not only with ourselves, but with others?
First, let's plan ahead.
Just like other mental health issues,
we don't want to wait until we're struggling
to figure out how to cope.
Doing that would mean that we'd be trying to figure out
what to do when we're at our worst.
Instead, when we're feeling energized, excited, and focused,
let's put together a list of things that excite us.
This could be fidget toys, maybe, brain teasers,
things you've been wondering about or wanting to learn.
Maybe this is exercise, or curating a playlist, or whatever.
You figure out what stimulates your brain
and helps it produce the dopamine and norepinephrine
and all that feel good stuff that you've been craving.
And let's try to make sure that we can do those things
by ourselves and with other people.
And make sure to include some that can be done
no matter what time it is.
We want to make sure we have different ideas
for various situations.
Next, let's check in.
Since our dopamine-seeking can cause us to act impulsively
and look for like a quick fix,
let's try to slow it down.
How are you feeling?
What is it you need right now?
Are there other possibly better ways to get that need met?
Could we try something else instead?
Could we do maybe that quick fix thing
you really want to do for like five or 10 minutes
and then move on to the more helpful one?
Maybe we could.
Our brains love routine,
thought patterns and predictability.
So it can be hard to slow down
what feels like our automatic response.
But I know you can do it.
Sometimes just shouting stop inside our heads or out loud,
I mean, you do you,
but it can stop those automatic thoughts from flowing.
It's okay to stop,
take a breath,
and then decide what you want to do,
instead of feeling like you're just a passenger
in this decision-making, letting your ADHD run the show.
My third tip, be aware of your self-talk.
Too often, those of us with ADHD
will tell ourselves we're lazy, stupid,
using our ADHD as a scapegoat for all of our problems.
Do not take these thoughts as facts.
Check those facts.
Look for facts that support
maybe a new, more positive way of thinking.
Like thinking that you're competent,
unique, kind, and smart.
Could we look for evidence to support those thoughts?
I think we could.
Do we maybe need to use some bridge statements
to get us moving along?
Whatever you need to do to stop those false thoughts
and beliefs from continuing, do it.
Oh, and if this all sounds like way too much,
because it can be like that sometimes,
maybe just try thinking of one thing each day
that you're proud of.
It could be something you did, someone you helped,
or even your ability to not do anything harmful that day.
Whatever it is, acknowledge it.
And fourth and finally, be honest.
Talk about how ADHD affects you
with those who are in your life.
Help them understand what it's like for you,
how your brain works.
I know it's hard to be vulnerable, but pick just one person.
Maybe it's the person who's the closest to you
or has possibly had to deal with some of the not so nice
or easy parts of your ADHD.
Share some resources, videos, and personal stories
to help them better understand.
Let them know that this is just the first
of many conversations about it,
and that it's okay for them
to ask you follow-up questions.
I don't want any of us to feel like we have to get
all the information out at once.
That can be super overwhelming to both you
and the person you're trying to talk to.
So just open up the conversation
and hopefully this will lead you both
into a more healthy and honest place.
And overall, I just want those of us who have ADHD
to know that there's a reason behind why you struggle
to hold focus and can feel down or anxious frequently,
and possibly be told by those in your life
that you are acting selfish.
ADHD is a chronic medical condition that has real science
backing up the symptoms we experience.
And while knowing what's going on in our brain
that makes it harder for us to do some things
can be helpful, it's not an excuse for bad behavior.
We are all still responsible for ourselves
and our decisions, but getting to know ourselves
and how our ADHD affects us,
as well as trying out some new coping skills,
will hopefully help us feel better and do better.
As always, if you have any tips or tools
that have helped you better manage your symptoms of ADHD,
please leave them in the comments down below.
Thank you so much for watching
and I will see you next time.
Bye.
(chilled music)