How To Handle An Insult [0:00:00]
So, in the good old days if somebody insulted you, you got a chance to kill him.
Seriously, have you ever heard of the U.S. President Andrew Jackson?
The guy killed Charles Dickinson because he insulted his wife.
Any poetry fans out there?
Yeah, remember what happened to Alexander Pushkin?
And let's not forget Alexander Hamilton, not only did he die, but his son as well was killed
in a duel.
Nowadays, well, at least in Hollywood it seems like guys just resorting to bitch-slapping.
[sound effect] Seriously, if you haven't seen it, here's
the video of Will Smith at the Academy Awards going up and slapping Chris Rock.
Now, honestly, gents, I know most of you guys don't care about what two grown men in Hollywood
are doing on a show that nobody watches anymore.
But the issue here is what do you do when somebody insults you?
Well, that, gentlemen, is the subject of today's video.
[Music] Now, I didn't plan on making this video, but
I had a few you guys reach out and say, “Antonio, how do you deal with an insult?”
Specifically, one of you guys asked, “Antonio, with what happened at the Oscars, do you think
you could cover how a man should properly stand up for his family and significant other?”
Now, when it was framed like that I thought actually this would make a great video.
How does a man deal with an insult?
How do you deal with an insult when it's not you?
I've actually had somebody yell at my kids in front of me, what action should I take?
Well, to start this off, let's look at the situation with Will Smith and Chris Rock.
So, when you look at Will Smith's reaction to this, my opinion is that he was in the
wrong.
Now, I'm not sure if it was staged, and if it was, wow, that definitely knocked up the
ratings because no one's watching the Oscars anymore and a lot of us simply didn't even
know the Oscars were going on until we heard about what happened.
That being said, he's already come out and apologized and he knows legally that he was
in the wrong.
It was something that was very clearly that he went up there he was not threatened and
he physically assaulted another grown adult.
Now, what about Chris Rock?
Well, overall, he came out actually on top.
Yes, the joke was in bad taste.
Jada Pinkett Smith apparently is dealing with issues, where she's losing her hair.
And, you know, talking about her being the next GI Jane 2, yeah, I could see where that
could be, you know, distasteful.
At the end of the day, though, his reaction to getting smacked was simply to come back
with humor.
He did not press charges, which made him look even better.
Definitely showed, hey, you know, us guys, you know, that shows the man card.
And, yeah, you know it's like he's going to come out of this definitely on top.
And to go really mad at here, let's talk about my opinion of other people's opinions.
So, Tiffany Haddish, apparently, she said this, “When I saw a black man stand up for
his wife, that meant so much to me.”
Compare that to Judd Apatow who said, “Smith could have killed Rock.
That's pure out of control rage and violence.”
Now, I don't share either of those opinions, but I think it goes to show how people can
see the same thing and have very different views.
Personally, I think violence is the last resort.
So, what should Will Smith have done?
And how can you handle an insult, how could you handle a situation like this in the future?
So, my first thoughts when seeing this is why didn't he just walk out?
I mean, that is an option, he wasn't trapped.
He was right there at the front of the stage and he could have actually just left with
his wife and that would have been a story in of itself.
You walk out and you still wouldn't have gotten the award, he could have come back and that
would have shown his disapproval.
But what he did is he got up and he hit another person.
I have a friend in college that did this.
He was smacked by a girl and then he went up and smacked her back.
What do we remember about that story?
That he actually damaged part of her eye.
She went to a doctor.
She sued him and it ruined the rest of his year in college.
I mean, it was just something that, yes, it was you could argue self-defense, but there
was like a minute between the incidents.
He could have escaped.
I don't actually know what actually finally transpired there.
It was settled with lawyers, but it became something just out of hand.
And this really could have been something worse for Will Smith.
I don't think, you know, he would have killed Chris Rock.
But it's something he could have hurt him, he could have injured him and this could have
gone in down a, you know, a path that was unintended.
Now, how this applies to you because if somebody insults you, is there an escape hatch?
Can you actually get out of the situation or are you trapped?
And, I think this goes a lot to whether or not you're going to use violence.
You know, and if you're insulting somebody if you are pushing somebody into a corner,
you can expect them to react like an animal when you're pushed in a corner.
I don't know.
Does anyone else do this?
When I go in a restaurant, I always sit with my back to a wall.
I look around maybe it's, you know, the old training in me.
I'm always thinking, okay, where is the -- I do this on planes all the time -- where's
the exit?
I'm always looking for where I can get out just in the case I have to.
And this kind of makes me weird.
Let me know in the comments.
Does anyone else do this?
Next up, what's the context?
I mean, I would like to think that Will Smith has been roasted numerous times.
Now, I don't know what was going on that night.
I don't know what's been going on for the last month in his life.
Who knows?
Maybe he was on the edge and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
[0:04:54] But, you have to understand, I mean, the guy
up there, Chris Rock, I mean, he does this for a living.
He's roasting.
In fact, if you look at the video, Penelope Cruz and Javier, uh, I forgot his last name.
I mean, Penelope Cruz, man, just, yeah.
Give me give this video a like if you love Penelope Cruz.
But, he was like kind of insulting them right before and then he just moved over.
I mean, he was roasting everybody.
So, there's this great quote about humor and it basically says that comedy has the power
to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comfortable.
And let's just face it, everybody there that's at the Academy Awards is it is a very comfortable
people.
They're all at the top of their game.
And it's funny it's enjoyable we like seeing people getting roasted.
So, it just seemed odd that he would take this action when you're in a situation in
which you know you're going to have people cracking jokes at you.
Another thing to think about is are you hearing are you interpreting this person correctly?
I mean, is English their first language?
Did they maybe misspeak?
Did this person say something they didn't mean to say?
Did they call you the wrong name because they genuinely believe that is your name?
A lot of people feel, hey, he insulted me because he ignored me.
Well, guess what?
He ignored everybody, so it really wasn't an insult.
I mean, this is the way this person is.
He's -- he's a complete asshole.
He's an asshole to everybody, so don't take it as an insult.
And let's just face it.
In cancel culture, a lot of people feel insulted, they feel attacked.
When you simply disagree with them on their opinion, opinions, yeah, my opinions are like
assholes, everybody has one.
So, understand that it's going to be different.
You’re not always going to agree with people.
And just because someone doesn’t see eye-to-eye, that does not mean they’re insulting you.
And who’s spitting the insult?
Have you ever seen those videos of you’ve got like an elephant or a horse that’s getting
barked at by a little dog and they don’t even pay attention to the little dog?
I mean, is this the situation here that you’re getting, you know, attacked, you’re getting
insulted, someone saying stuff about you that you don’t even know this person.
This person is just trying to make a name for themselves.
They are trying to get noticed and you’re in a position of strength and power.
And that’s something that I’ve had to learn putting myself out there having opinions
about anything.
I’ve had people attacked me for doing an article on shorts.
I have no idea why apparently my article on shorts over the Art of Manliness really offended
this person that they work – they wrote me like a 2,000-word letter talking about,
yeah.
There’s just people that want to argue about anything.
They want to attack and insult you just for simply breathing and having, you know, thoughts
on something.
So, understand that, yeah, where is this even coming from?
Now, some insults they actually have a little bit of truth in them and that means actually
where you got to do a little bit of self-reflection.
This is probably after the fact because when you first receive an insult it’s very difficult
to manage the emotions.
But, I’ve, you know, had take a step back and look at, okay, you know, people insult
me, maybe I was too pushy in some of my videos, maybe I had too many sponsors.
I’ve taken that step back and I said, “You know what?
Am I producing great quality content?
95% of the content I put out, is it just solid content that’s going to help men become
better dressed?”
And I have learned a lot from I wouldn’t necessarily call it insults, maybe they’re
more constructive criticism.
But, you know, when you read some of those YouTube comments, which I always appreciate
you guys leaving great comments.
And, you know, it’s something that I go in there and, yes, I take some of that and
I just I take it with a grain of salt, where is it coming from.
But, I realized sometimes there’s a kernel of truth in those insults.
And some insults you really should pay attention to because they’re a precursor to what could
turn into violence.
So, a friend of mine – we’re in Idaho at a conference and he went out dancing.
He wore this red pants, he’s a great dancer, really fit guy.
And he was walking back and he had three guys pull up to him and say, “Hey, gay boy.
What’s up with those red pants?”
And what did he do?
Now, he is fit, he could probably maybe have taken them on, but he realized, you know what?
He’s thinking Deliberate.
So, if you haven’t seen that movie, yeah, go check it out.
[laughs] Point being is he hightailed it out of there.
He didn’t know where those guys armed?
He just wasn’t looking for a fight.
At 1:00 o’clock in the morning, these guys could have been drinking, who knows where
this would have went.
They were insulting him calling him, you know, names and, you know, try putting him in a
tough situation, but sometimes, again, look for the escape hatch.
It’s better just to get out of there than to deal, yeah, you win the fight, but what
happens?
Then you’re dealing with the police, then you’re dealing with the aftermath.
You could deal with an injury.
Again, that person insults you in the bar, you know you can take him, but you don’t
know that his buddy over there has a gun or has a knife and is watching his back.
And that’s the kind of stuff you got to be careful of and why, you know, the best,
you know, strategy, again, a lot of times is just simply to remove yourself from the
situation.
Because how’s that saying go?
If you go down and you insult them back, you start this fight, you are going down to their
level.
When you go down to their level, everybody gets muddy, everybody gets dirty and you may
be confident, again, in your abilities, but you cannot predict what can come out of this
situation.
Now, this part of the video is where it gets a little bit dark because let’s say you
are insulted and this person keeps coming after you and you want to do something about
it.
Well, if you’re going to return the favor, make sure it is a dish, you know, revenge
best served cold.
Any of you guys Edgar Allan Poe fans, The Cask of Amontillado?
Yes, I’m going to ruin it.
If you don’t want to get this ruined, then skip this part of the video, but here is how
the story goes.
[0:10:02] So, there’s this guy, Montresor, and he
is insulted by Fortunato.
And it was actually a relatively slight, I mean, Fortunato didn’t mean that much by
it, but this really insulted this guy.
Fortunato is a high level guy that can’t be touched.
And so, Montresor, he comes up with this plan during the whole carnival period.
He’s going to, hey, mention to Fortunato I’ve got this cask of wine, this is the
best ever.
And here’s the thing is that was the weakness of Fortunato.
He loved wine.
He was addicted to wine.
So, he’s had a few drinks and he is lured down into this wine cellar and all of a sudden,
his friend, who he was expecting the wine puts some chains on.
He thinks it’s a joke, he’s laughing, he doesn’t really realize what’s going
on.
And then, his friend starts to brick by brick put him in here.
And this goes on for hours.
So, he starts to sober up and all of a sudden, Fortunato realizes that Montresor, you know,
is serious about here.
And, Montresor is just savoring this.
I mean, it’s an amazing story and Edgar Allan Poe just amazing writer.
But, you’re like, holy cow, and guess what?
No one saw him go down.
And when he puts in that last brick, it becomes eerily quiet and he knows that, yes, revenge
has been served.
Now, am I saying go that far?
No.
But, I do love real examples of this.
So, if you’re familiar with the French rugby player, Chabal.
So, apparently when he was over in England, he just has trouble speaking the language
and he say, “Hey, do you mind if I do this interview in French?”
And, one of the reporters said, “No, we’re in England, speak English.”
So, years later, they’re in France and that same reporter is asking him questions in English
and you know what he says to him?
It’s like he waited years to say this, “We’re in France, speak French.”
Seriously, it’s such an epic moment.
And I’m just curious, do any of you guys have any stories about how an insult was served
back?
I would love to hear them down in the comments below because they’re just fun to read.
But, yeah, what video to watch next?
Guys, I’ve got you covered with this one right here, which I’m not going to spoil
for you.
It’s a surprise video.
Yes, I’m not going to rick roll you.
This will go to a solid video here at Real Men Real Style.
One related to what we’re talking about.
But, yeah, click it to find out what I’m talking about.
[0:12:17] End of audio