I would never go to an Indian guy that
became a doctor especially one that was
born and raised in this part of the
world [ __ ] that cuz if we were born and
raised here you had real dreams and it
was never to become a doctor let's be
honest I would go to an Indian woman
that became a doctor cuz when an Indian
woman becomes a doctor
that means she really wanted to be a
doctor cuz even her parents like sweetie
you don't have to become a doctor you
can just marry your doctor she's like
[ __ ] you I want to be a doctor I need
that kind of determination from my
doctor you know
well you had dreams when you're 14 years
old right Sandeep but it wasn't to be a
doctor that's not what a
fourteen-year-old dreams about if
fourteen-year-old has dreams that are
ridiculous that that your dream at 14
should never be logical it should just
be the dumbest [ __ ] you're doing at 14
I'll tell you what my dream was when I
was 14 it wasn't to be a comedian I
didn't even know this job existed my
dream it don't make you feel better
about whatever your dream was my dream
at 14 here's what I thought I was gonna
do for the rest of my life I thought I
wanted to be a dancer
alright first of all [ __ ] you alright
second of all I'm not a stripper I was I
was a breakdancer I was like yo I'm
gonna do this [ __ ] forever not a
realistic goal up what was your dream
when you're a 14 year old boy growing up
on the mean streets of Mississauga Cyndi
now be honest don't make no [ __ ] up
huh
a musician did you play any instruments
oh well good that's a good start I
always I also have Indian guys you know
yell out [ __ ] that they never did I
wanted to be in the NBA did you play
basketball not once
I just love giant black men you know
just
what instrument did you play guitar are
you good you still throw down on it yeah
so you wanted to be a musician I know
what happened tell me if I'm right
you're about 17 18 years old you're
sitting in your room playing with your
guitar and and your mom walked and you
were thinking I'm gonna be a musician
your mom walked in and when sundew
because that's all you need to do for an
Indian nickname all you need is add two
O's to whatever you want the nickname to
be something to like look what Edward
and woohoo well that could be your name
ed woo sorry that that didn't work
because he might very well be an ED woo
yeah your mom do you're going to college
I don't you become a doctor you're like
what's wrong with your face if you
become a doctor you can fit there
so you put your guitar down and picked
up stethoscope and it was all over after
that that's why I could never go to you
I don't want my doctor to have had other
dreams about being something else my
doctor in America is gonna be a black
guy from the hood who grew up with every
disadvantage real hood like in the hood
hood like we're the where people were
like you could let's go kill some
[ __ ] today I want my doctor to
be the guy that said no man I'm gonna be
and everybody in the hood was like ain't
nobody [ __ ] with devar oh he's gonna be
a doctor and [ __ ] that's how I know I
got the right doctor cuz he'll say in
[ __ ] at the end of sentences he'll look
pissed off when I walk into the doctor's
office that's the doctor I want i'm mr.
peters seems too nasal passages inflamed
and [ __ ]
you fill out this little bitch-ass
prescription call out me tomorrow
[ __ ]
[Applause]
that's the right doctor for me I don't
want my doctor to be some bratty Indian
kid who grew up in Mississauga halfway
through an operation just goes [ __ ] this
[Applause]
[Music]