Word up, playas. This week on Thug Notes we kickin it in to beast mode with Beowulf
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So. S’all good up in The Land of the Danes where righteous King Hrothgar dun
built a mead-hall for his army so they can get white-boy wasted on the reg. Them playas
ragin so hard that they disturb a stank beast named Grendel, who start rollin up to the
mead-hall erry night to lay a whoop on them Danes.
Grendel beefin wit them boys for years til one day Beowulf, the baddest muthafu**a
in the whole world, rolls up to the king and say that not only is he gonna waste Grendel,
but he gonna show out and do it unarmed.
Hrothgar gets all geeked up about Beowulf’s arrival and go balls-out to celebrate.
When Grendel finally busts in and starts scrappin with Beowulf, that scrub aint no match fo
Wolfy, who straight rips his arm off. Then Grendel cowers back to his spot, where he
bleeds out like a little ol bitch.
Hrothgar gives big ups to Beowulf for icing Grendel, but the party gotta stop
short when Grendel’s mama gets all crunk bout her son’s death and start jackin sh**
up in the mead-hall.
So Wolfy and his boys strap up and head to her underwater crib where Beowulf
straight mercs this beezy.
Now that the Danes be rid of all they monsters, Beowulf rolls back home to
Geatland where he shares his bling with the King Hygelac and Queen Hygd.
Later, Hygelac and his son get shanked in a war, so Beowulf inherits the
throne. After years of rockin the crown like a boss, old man Beowulf hear some bad news:
his pad got smoked by a dragon. See, some wank-ass fool boosted a Goblet from the phat
stash of that dragon, and when he realizes someone been gankin his ice, he start goin
HAM all up Geatland.
Even though he an old geezer now, Beowulf gathers his posse and steps up to
buck dat dragon. Wit the help of his boy Wiglaf, Beowulf gats dat scaley scrub, but not before
gettin bitten by his poisonous fangs.
In the end, Beowulf goes belly up from da poison. So mah boys build a decked
out funeral pyre and send him off with a bunch of the shiniest bling in the land.
So even though the Geats lost a badass King, he dun left them with a swoel
fortune. And in a culture of tit for tat, the king is swingin a big dick when he’s
bank rollin his peeps. Cuz if your pants ain’t bulging with benjamins, your people ain’t
gonna show you no love.
Like that hater King Heremod, it don’t matter how much power God givin you,
if you don’t cough up the cash, you only gonna bring ruin to your people.
Let this marinate, son. When it comes to layin the anglo-saxon poetry game,
you can bet that the da character names be loaded with meaning.
So let me tell it like it is: Homies always debatin bout the meaning of
Beowulf’s name, but the tightest translation is man-wolf- reppin my boy’s human and beastly
qualities.
Cuz sometimes Beowulf actin chill, but other times he comin out so hard that
he just as monstorous all those beasties he beefin wit.
Like dat uber-mayne Nietzche sayin in Beyond Good and Evil-
But Beowulf’s beef with those monsters don’t just stop at all dat slangin
and bangin. The realest danger is in becoming a gnarly beast just like them. Cuz on the
real, Wulfy’s rampagin is just his outta control pride attempting to solve the violence
of the world with mo’ violence.
Even when Wulfy steps up to Grendel, his head get way too big when he
gotta show out and wreck Grendel without his chrome. Although Hrothgar tells him not to
give in to pride, Beowulf don’t listen.
Cuz it’s dat pride that keeps Beowulf from gathering an posse to bust a
cap in dat dragon.
And its exactly this that leads him to the greatest monster of all, one
that’s so bad, no baller can touch it no matter how righteous he thuggin- death.
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