- Ooh, a forest.
Are you trying to kill me?
- No, this is nice.
This is a sweet forest.
- I feel like you don't take women to the forest
unless you're trying to kill them.
And see, I was right.
There's a fucking giant ass clown that's gonna kill me.
He's like really scary.
I don't like him. I don't like him.
(upbeat music)
- Hey guys, welcome to "Stir Crazy,"
the favorite show of agoraphobes everywhere.
You know my guest today as a brilliant comedian,
the host of "Nailed It" on Netflix,
and author of the new book,
"#VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE", it's Nicole Byer.
Hey, Nicole!
- Hello!
How are you?
- I'm doing all right. You doing okay?
- You know, just livin'.
- Does this feel like the perfect time to talk comedy?
I mean, it's just hysterical out there, isn't it, Nicole?
- Honestly, it is kind of funny but also like devastating.
(laughs) It's truly so wild.
I just watched a video
of old people in golf carts screaming at each other,
and then I watched a video or saw pictures
of these white people with machine guns
and then one of them had a little pistol
and they were like pointing them
at Black Lives Matter protestors,
and I was like we're living in "The Purge."
It's "The Purge." "The Purge" is here.
- One thing I noticed is social media, we all know,
is a trash fire generally.
It's where everything is horrible.
Somehow you made a good situation out of social media.
You kind of like gave a nice kind of like tutorial
on how to talk to kids about racism right now.
Are you surprised that that kind of turned
into a good, positive experience?
- A little.
It was truly inspired by this man who was like,
"I'm just gonna keep my head down
and let my kids watch "Nailed It" at night."
And I was like this is insane.
This is so weird that you would let your kids watch me
but then not stick up for me
or explain to your kids what's going on.
It makes me feel like a mammy of sorts,
where you're just like
this fab black lady's gonna be very funny for you
but other than that, that's all she is.
She's not a human being.
She's just purely entertainment.
So like I did the emotional labor of writing it,
and then oh boy.
The response was so weird.
It was like very positive or very negative.
There was like nothing in the middle.
- Let's talk about life in lockdown
because I know you've got a roommate right now, right?
- Yes.
- Are you a good roommate?
Are you a good person to live with in this circumstance?
- I think I'm a pretty decent roommate.
I'm loud. I'm fun.
I'll suggest like we dress up and do fancy dinner.
You know, but sometimes I'm bad (laughs).
- How about dating in lockdown?
Have you given up on dating in lockdown
or is now the time to date?
- For me, it's not the time to date.
I like meeting people in person.
I'm not trying to die for a mediocre dick.
Also, I've tried to FaceTime people.
That's also weird.
So I'm like ugh, I guess I'm done 'til 2021.
- I don't know about you, Nicole,
but I feel like I need some air.
Should we go outside?
- Let's go outside.
(upbeat music) (audience applauds)
- Oh, this is fun!
This is I like.
- [Josh] You seem pretty chill.
- What? (laughs)
Oh, now I'm at the beach.
Nobody's wearing a mask.
(screams) No!
Ooh, I'm surfing!
- Is that what you say when you're surfing?
- Yeah, you know I'm surfing.
Oh no, I'm gonna die.
There's a shark.
- Oh, it's a friendly shark. He's nice.
- I don't like it. I don't like it.
I don't like it.
(audience applauds)
Oh, again, nobody's wearing a mask.
Too many white people.
This is intense.
- Is that the Emmys?
Is that what the Emmys are like?
- This is almost exactly what the Emmys are like.
Ooh, a forest.
Are you trying to kill me?
- No, this is nice.
This is a sweet forest.
- I feel like you don't take women to the forest
unless you're trying to kill themm.
And see, I was right.
There's a fucking giant ass clown that's gonna kill me.
I don't like this clown.
Oh, I don't like him at all.
I think he's like really scary.
I don't like him. I don't like him.
It's really awful to watch.
Okay, is it done?
- Let's talk about your book, "#VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE".
It's hysterical.
It seems like you had a blast making it.
I think anybody that checks it out is gonna love it.
I guess it's birthed in some ways
by like the absurdity of being called brave
- Oh yeah. - for simply wearing
what you wanna wear and being comfortable in your own skin.
- Yeah.
- Has that always struck you as an absurdity
to be called brave just for being yourself?
- Yeah, it's strange to me that people are like,
"Oh my god, that is so brave."
And I'm like it's brave to wear a bathing suit to a beach
where other people are in bathing suits?
But also I get it.
The world tells you you have to look a certain type of way
so then when you deviate from the norm people stare at you,
but I'm like that just means your body's powerful.
Like somebody stopped their whole day to look at you?
That's cool. That's very cool.
So it's just like I'm very important to you
because you can't stop staring at me.
- This book, I would venture to say,
has more pictures of bikinis
than the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue.
(Nicole laughs)
- Honestly, probably.
I think we put 98 pictures of bikinis in there.
- Is there a guy equivalent of the bikini?
Is it the Speedo?
Like what is the guy bikini?
- Mm, yeah, maybe like a thong Speedo.
- Do you have the same affection for thong Speedos for men
as bikinis for yourself and other women?
- I think men should wear whatever they want.
I want more men to wear like short shorts.
I like short shorts on men,
and I wish they would wear it.
You don't have to wear shorts that cover your knees.
Show off your beautiful knees, men.
- (laughs) I wish I could feel
as comfortable in my skin as you.
I feel like I'm not as evolved.
I can't get over.
- But doesn't that take more work?
- Yes.
- Doesn't it take work to be worried
about what people are thinking as you leave your house?
A thing that happens a lot is I'll turn to my friend
and be like, "I think I look pretty wild."
And they're like, "Eh, I think you look fine."
And then we'll get outside, and they're like,
"I take it back. You do look wild."
And I'm like (laughs) great.
I'm already out, and I do not care.
- I've got some provocative would you rather questions
for you, Nicole.
(upbeat music) (audience applauds)
Would you rather only wear bikinis
or pajamas the rest of your life?
- Only?
- Yeah. - I guess bikinis.
Pajamas looks sloppy.
- True.
- At least a bikini's a choice, you know?
- Would you rather run out of toilet paper or booze?
- Toilet paper.
- Wow.
- Well 'cause you can use other things.
You can have a shit cloth.
(Nicole and Josh laugh)
- Hey, I've run out of shit cloth.
Do you have anything?
- And then you could like, I guess, rinse it out,
and then you would put it in the washing machine.
I don't know. Ew!
- Remind me never to use your bathroom. Wow.
- Don't. You'll touch the shit cloth.
- This we call the Dakota Johnson memorial question.
This was a would you rather she posed to me.
Would you rather have a mouth full of bees
or one bee in your butt?
- Well, does it leave my butt?
- I haven't considered that.
I mean, I guess you could get it out somehow.
I'm gonna leave it to you
to figure out how to get out though.
I don't know. - Okay, I'll take
one bee in my butt.
- [Josh] That's manageable.
- Yeah, a mouthful of bees seems really awful.
- No, I would make the same choice as you.
- Okay, would you rather turn into a penguin every night
for four hours or turn into a baked potato
for eight hours every night?
- Is this based on an experience you had or is this just-
- No (laughs).
Imagine I was like, "Yeah, I'm a potato."
- This evil witch cast a spell on me once.
It's a long story.
I would be the penguin for four hours.
A baked potato is boring.
You're just gonna sit there.
You can live life as a penguin.
- That's the correct choice because if you chose potato
anybody could eat you.
- Well yeah, I mean, some sick fuck could eat you
if you're a penguin too, I suppose, but-
- Yeah, but then they would have to like kill you
and like roast you up.
But like if you have a roommate they can accidentally go,
"Oh, I'm so hungry. I'm gonna eat this potato."
And then you're done.
You're dead.
- Nicole, congratulations on the new book,
on the 12,000 different podcasts that you're hosting.
My Speedo is starting to chafe
so we should probably wrap this up.
It's good to see you, though.
Stay well, okay?
- Thank you. You stay well.
(upbeat music)