I know that this is going to get so many thumbs downs...
but your colleagues are not your friends. In today's video,
I'm going to go through how you can keep it friendly and still professional.
Stay tuned.
Hello, and welcome back to my channel where I help you slay your career and
cultivate the successful life that you want. In my video last week,
I gave you 10 strategies that you can use to get along with your colleagues.
One of them was a little bit controversial,
and that is that your work friends are not actually your friends.
I'm going to throw up two disclaimers in this video.
It is going to start off with a good rant. Maybe pause the video right now.
Go and get yourself a tea, because my friends, there will be tea.
But also I do want to caveat to say that I'm not saying that you can't make
friends at work, but the thing is,
even the people that you're really close with in your work are likely,
they're contextual. I want to get into that in today's video,
and then provide you with a few guidelines that you can use to help keep your
relationships friendly but also professional so that none of them bite you in
the butt.
Now if you're ready to jump into it, you've got your tea,
give me a thumbs up and let's dive in.
There is something that I think a lot of professionals forget about when they're
at work, and I think that this is something that is totally natural,
and it's really easy to fall into this because when you think about it,
you're at work the vast majority of your waking hours, most days of the week.
In fact, there is a very good likelihood that you see your colleagues more than
you see your own family on a week to week basis.
Especially when you have one of those really close knit office culture,
or an open office when everyone's up in each other's business,
it's really easy to cultivate these artificially close relationships.
You're going through so many of the seams things you have so much common ground,
but the thing that starts to blur of the lines is where the professional line
ends and where the personal line begins.
Here's the thing.
I want you to remember why people are there at work.
I would say that everyone is there because they need a paycheck.
Need a paycheck, want a paycheck, whatever it is,
It's all a matter of semantics.
People are at work because they want to get paid.
They're there to make money or they are there because they are trying to build
success for themselves professionally. Trust me,
if neither of those things mattered, they would just be volunteering,
or staying at home on their couch with some bonbons and some Dr Phil.
I don't know. Maybe that's just me. Now,
here's the thing between those two different options.
For someone as they're just to get paid and to go home,
and between the person that is there because they want to grow up,
climb the ladder.
The first person might not be personally invested in that company,
and in the people that they work with.
Where the second person might be so invested in their own success
that they are willing to throw their best friend, their mother, cousin,
their sister, whoever under the bus to get there.
You don't want to be someone who gets caught in that pathway.
Now also with all of the in between, every workplace has its gossip.
And one of the ways that you become ensnared in the gossip is to be talking
about yourself and things that don't have any place in a professional setting.
I swear to God, I just felt the sums down, buttons being clicked right now,
but I think that this is really important for you to hear.
Because the people that you're friends with at work,
even though you spend all of your time,
and maybe you have happy hours with them and you have your team events.
The thing is at some one of you is going to move on.
And it's going to be exceptionally rare for that person to stay in your life in
a meaningful way. If you ever watched fight club,
you know the reference of the single serving friend.
A work friend is just basically a single serving friends who has multiple
servings.
As long as you happen to go to the same office to work at every single day, no.
Does it mean that that person is going to fall off the face of the earth if you
no longer work with them and never speak to you again? No,
but you're probably not going to speak to them all the time.
You're probably not going to see them all the time. And yes,
there are exceptions, but trust me,
you probably know the difference between the exception and the rule,
but I want you to treat those real authentic and life changing friendships that
can be formed at work as the exception rather than the rule.
And in fact,
I actually believe that more of the relationships that you have at work
are likely to form into those really substantial personal friendships when you
follow the guidelines.
And that's why you need these three guidelines to be friendly but not friends at
work.
The first guideline is knowing where to draw the line.
I'm never going to be one of those people that advocates for you being totally
closed off all business all the time, super professional,
don't talk about your personal life at all. No,
you work with these people every single day.
You probably want them to know a little something about you.
You probably want to know a little something about them as well,
and if you don't, totally cool,
but then you're probably not watching this video in the first place.
Here's the thing. Ultimately,
you are going to have to navigate for you where the lines
are between your personal and your professional life.
You also need to learn where the lines are for the people around you. For this,
I really encourage you to keep it superficial.
I encourage you to run the things that you share through a filter.
Does this make me look professional or unprofessional? Now, just for fun,
let's have a little pop quiz so that we can tell the difference between the two.
For each of those scenarios,
I want you to tell me if it was professional or unprofessional.
Tally up your score on leaving in the comments down below.
"I threw up all over the floor and the nightclub."
"This chick shoes, like a 10..."
"I went to see that new play that was out over the weekend. "
"I guess bought a DSLR and so I actually spent the weekend in the lower East
side photographing the buildings." "I went out to eat,
I thought new restaurant and I was just having the worst gastro issues.
Ever."
Now, drawing from the first guideline,
the second guideline is to keep it superficial.
Aas we went through that quiz, there was one thing that you noticed.
Which is probably that the unprofessional was giving a little bit too much
information, but where is the line?
One of the biggest mistakes that I see professionals make,
especially when they're early in their career and trying to navigate,
is by actually oversharing information that makes them look unprofessional.
And even sometimes immature.
There's a few conversations that I really discourage you from actually having at
work. Now, if you genuinely do have friends at work that are like legit friends,
have the conversation but not in the office,
not at the coffee station where someone's going to overhear it.
Take it outside people take it outside.
Things that involve your dating life outside of a committed relationship,
unless it's a really hilarious bad Tinder date story that is at worst PG,
anything involving money, whether you have too much of it or not enough.
Squabbles that you're having with your parents,
any drama that you're having with your friends, your significant other,
your dog,
or any information about your health that isn't necessary for everyone to know
is probably something that you should not be talking about at work.
And I know that sometimes when one of those things goes wrong,
or you're experiencing that stress that it can be really challenging for you to
maintain.
A positive attitude at work and for you to bring your best to the office so that
you can stay engaged,
keep your colleagues liking you and all of that fun stuff,
but it is really important for you to practice this because it is something that
can really have a dramatic impact on you.
One of my clients that I worked with made the mistake about talking about her
credit card debt at work.
She was speaking with a friend and another colleague was sitting by,
and her manager was in earshot and it was something that became the talk of the
office.
There was so much judgment going on about her and it took her a lot of effort
and strategy in order for her to clear up that component of her professional
brand. Which really set her back several months,
at least in her career.
You don't want to be that person.
It is better to not overshare.
It's better to under share than it is to overshare at work.
The third guideline is to say no to drama.
I know that I have offered this advice in multiple videos at this point,
but there is a reason for it not enough take this advice,
so I'm going to keep on saying it to you until I know that every single one of
you who
subscribes to this channel or watches this video really grabs onto it.
Because it is something that is going to make a huge difference.
There is good gossip at work where you are staying in the know and then there
is.
bad gossip that is talking about other people or even worse,
making yourself a topic of conversation by engaging in the vicious gossip cycle.
Break the cycle.
When you are not talking about anyone else,
no one is going to talk about you and even if someone does talk about you,
you are going to have so much good karma and goodwill by not talking poorly
about other people, that if someone is saying something to your colleague,
they're going to say, Hey, she never says anything bad about anyone.
You shouldn't talk about her like that. Or she's a really good person.
Why are you talking about her like that?
Part of how you are going to avoid being a topic of gossip is to follow the
first who guidelines. When you respect that,
these are professional relationships in your life and not your BFFs.
You're not going to be giving them fuel to be talking about you,
but it also requires for you to not talk about them. Listen,
you can be the most judgmental person in the world,
you can think whatever you want about your colleagues.
Don't tell any of your coworkers.
Go and tell your friends outside of work. Text your parents,
talk to your college roommate about it.
Do not share your opinions about your colleagues at work.
I know that some of you have seen people do this and they appear to escape it
unscathed. However,
I guarantee you that it does catch up with them. Now,
that leads me to a question.
Are any of your good friends in real life friends that you've made at work?
Let me know in the comments down below. Now.
I know some of you might be thinking if they're not my friends at work,
can I date a coworker I want it is actually exactly what I'm talking about in my
next video. So if you haven't already,
also make sure that you click that subscribe button so
that you don't miss out on the next one.
Now if you have broken one of these guidelines,
and you want to do better or if you're just someone who is trying to create more
success within your career and professional life,
I would love for you to join the Strive Squad.
It's my totally free Facebook community for women in male dominated industries
who are working to get the pay, the promotion and the praise that they deserve.
I will drop the link down below. I hope to see you there.
If you haven't already, I would love for you to smash that like button.
It really does tell me that you like videos like this so I know to make more,
and it also tells YouTube that more people need to see content like this.
Thank you so much for being unapologetically ambitious,
for taking this time to invest in yourself and for watching this video.
That's it for this week. Bye for now.