Okay, you're doing something wrong. Oh, you know, these mistakes the husband's make
in marriage, let's figure this out. Let's solve the problems now. Okay, I'm a
husband and I have made a lot of mistakes. If you're a husband, you know
exactly what I'm talking about. It doesn't take much to make a mistake. Okay,
why do we make so many mistakes? Like what is going on? You know, the topic here
is... You know, the mistakes husbands making marriage, right? That's what we're talking
about. These mistakes we make. So, okay. What... Where do we make our biggest glitch?
Well, first big mistake is we treat our wives like they're guys. It's such a bad
mistake. You can't talk to a woman like she's a man. It just doesn't work. Now, I...
Yeah, you're going to mess up. So what happens is when we just talk
like a guy and we talked to our wives like we normally would talk, what happens
is over a period of days, the conflict that we're creating in that
particular language builds up and then there's a blow-up. Just know that blow
ups happen because there's a buildup. So, there's a buildup and then there's a
blow-up. And so, how do we not talk to our wives like they're guys? So guys, usually
talk about you know, steps and guys, usually talk about themselves and guys
usually talk in really short sentences. Your wife and this is... I know
there's different personalities but we're just going to keep this simple. Your
wife wants more conversation and your wife wants to know about other people
and how they think and how they feel and us as guys we don't
pay attention to that. It's like, "Okay, I don't know how they think and feel." But
that's what they want to know. So if we could, here's that here's the simple part.
If we could as guys as husbands, if we could speak in relationship language,
that's what your wife speaks is called a relationship language.
Everything to her is a relationship. Everything connects, everybody is
connected, everybody is all in one big family and it's always about
relationships. We as guys, we talk about projects. We talk about activities but
your wife is all about relationships. So, what you want to do and now I'm not
going to lose myself as a man because I'm going to adopt the way that my wife speaks.
But I want to have happy marriage and I want to have a happy experience and do
well each day and have less blow ups. I don't want to have blow ups. I I used
to live a life of blow ups and I'm not going to do that anymore because I learned
if you're going to go to another country, you don't expect them to speak your
language, you need to learn the language. So your wife is from a different country.
She speaks the different language. She speaks the language of relationship. So
that means that she's always thinking about the kids. She's thinking about the
neighbors, she's thinking about the in-laws, she's thinking about people from
yesterday, last week. She's always thinking about people and she's always
thinking about you and the relationship between the two of you. And so listen
closely to her. If you ever want to have a better relationship with somebody, you
listen to their language and you use some of their terms and the way in which
they speak. So, if I want to have a better marriage, I'm going to speak to my wife
in her language. All I'm doing is taking what I know and I'm going to translate it
into her language. Just like if I went to Italy or if I went to Germany, I would
want to translate what I was going to say into their language so that they can
understand me. And when communication is more easily understood,
well then the relationship is better. So you probably are causing a lot of
mistakes because you're not adjusting your language at all. You're not
not forming and shaping it to her world. Now it doesn't mean that she's winning,
it doesn't mean that she's better, it just doesn't mean that it means you're
actually stepping up the game of being wiser, smarter, more adaptable because you
care so much about her, you're willing to learn her language. So it only takes
about a day or two days of really listening to her to hear what it is you
need to change. Now, that's one part, the language that you speak. Now
because she's so relationship driven in her language, what that also means is
that any small, really small acts of service you do for her, to her feels like
they're 100 times as big. Just 100 times as big. For example, the other day I was
in the bedroom and there was something of Kim's on the floor and I picked it up
and I put it away. You would have thought I had just bought her
a Lamborghini. You would have thought I just bought her a mansion. You would have
thought that I just surprised her with a trip around the world because when she
found out that I picked something up of hers and I put it away, she comes to me
and she goes, "You put my shoes away?" I said, "Yeah, they were sitting right
there. I just put him away from you." She's like, "Wow, you put my shoes away." Now a guy,
will belittle that and go, "Oh, that's no big deal."
But no, no, no, no. To a relationship, speaking woman, what happens is that's a
big deal because that was... That showed an act of caring of loving and appreciation.
When there's like probably 15 to 20 different terms I got attached to that
moment. Let her have that moment. Let her be happy for that moment. Don't belittle
it, don't downsize it, just... Let it just be.
But anything, you can do for her. The smallest things are tend to be the best
is all these little small things. You know like she's sitting at the kitchen
table and she's like, "I wish I had some ketchup or I wish I had some salt." You
jump up and go grab it, you will see here like, "What's going on?" Like you're
doing something for her because that's a movement of I care and that's
relationship language. Every act of service you do means you care and caring
is involved in relationships and that means you're now the coolest husband
ever. Now sometimes husbands think, "Well I got
to do something big. I got to spend $200 on flowers and take her out to a $300
dinner and you know and rent a limousine."
Those are fun and she'll go, "Okay, this is pretty fun." But I tell you what, I've
learned how to save money and really have cool experiences by just doing the
little things in front of her. Little things in the moment in front of her
because sometimes when you do things and they didn't see you do it, it
doesn't have as much impact but when she says, "Oh hey is there any salt on the
table?" You get up and go get it. And if she says, "Hey, do you know where
the keys are?" You're like, "Oh hold on, I'll get them for you"
All those little acts really helped because number 1 mistake you make is
not speaking the right language with her. Number 2 is thinking big things are
going to be big to her. Nope, she's the other way around. Small things are big.
That's just guys think big is big, small is small. But she thinks small is
gigantic because it's focused in on service to her, that's always beautiful
in that part. Okay, a third part of a mistake that you probably are making is
that when you don't care, it tells her you don't care about her. So
when she says, "Hey, where would you like to go to dinner?" And
you're trying to be polite in saying, "Oh I don't care". Remember,
everything that comes out of your mouth, she interprets as it's about
relationships. So when it's only her and it's only you in the vehicle and you say,
"I don't care where we eat", she literally hears through her filter, I don't care
about you. And I know we just said that we don't care about where we eat but she,
her asking you if you want to go to dinner, is an invitation to engage in
where should we eat conversation because she just wants to talk and engage in
conversation with you. But when you say oh I don't care, she will take it as you
pushed her to this side, you gave her all the responsibility and
she has to do everything now and now you're just as worthless husband. I know.
It's like wait a minute, this is so different. This is so different. Okay, so
when she says where do you want to go eat? You suggest something. Now, we know as
guys our suggestions don't count as much, so I play the game. She says, "Where do you like
to go eat?" and I said, "Hey let's go here." And then my wife will say, "You know
that's a good idea but what about this area?" And she will just take what I've
given and then she'll add to it and create something else which I know
that's going to happen. But I engage in the conversation because it has to do with
the relationship between her and I. And it just keeps it all good. And that's
just the way she speaks. If I listen to her talk to another woman, she'll ask the
woman, "Where do you wanna go to lunch?" And she goes, "Well, hey. Let's go get a
sandwich." And then she'll say, "Well, what about a taco?" And the other person will
say, "You know what? What about a juice?" And then they'll go, "I don't know. Let's... How
about we just go out for steak?" It's just this ongoing conversation that somewhere
in the middle they finally come to a conclusion. She wants to engage in a
dialogue. We as men are more monologue. She is dialogue. Meaning back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth. So be in the place of you're ready for dialogue.
Last one here and I gotta go. Just to give you a sample just to help you out
today. Just help you out. So another mistake is when she says, "Are
you thirsty?" Do you know what that means? When she asks you if you're hungry,
you're thirsty or if you're cold. It's not a literal question. That's not what
that... Is not that's not what she's asking. If she if she's sitting there shivering
and she goes, "Are you cold?" What she's wanting you to do is she's wanting you
to comment about the temperature. She's not wanting to really know if you're
cold or not. She again wants to engage in a conversation with you. And when you say,
"No." And she's going to look at you. She's looking... She be like, "You don't love me?"
I know it seems weird but remember everything she talks about has to do
with relationship. And when she brings you into the conversation and you don't
get into a dialogue with her, now she feels like you don't care. You don't love
her. And this is where men make the mistake.
Women are about relationship. So if she says are you hungry, are you thirsty or
are you cold or are you too hot. What she's saying is "Talk to me. Tell me how
you are." Because then I'm going to tell you how I am. And then you tell me how you
are. And then we're going to decide we're gonna do something. So when when Kim says,
"Are you thirsty?" Then my response then would be, "You know... You know, I'm not
sure right now. But I could be if but I haven't thought about that. Well, how are
you?" And should go, "Oh, wow. I'm really thirsty. Really what would you drink
right now if you had something to drink?" She goes, "How about an orange juice?" "Would
you like that orange juice right now?" "No. I was just thinking about orange juice."
So, it's just this conversation. It is so beautiful. It is so beautiful. Because it
it has to do with relationships and dialogue. And as a man, I've had to learn
the world of relationship talking and dialogue. Not just monologue, not just
short answers. And as I mentor couples, as I mentor
couples and I hear what the problem is, I hear the miscommunication that she
doesn't understand him and his language. And he doesn't understand her in her
language. And because of the language difference and because of the monologue
and dialogue experience, it becomes a communication issue. Now, I could be doing
a video about mistakes that wives make. But I'm not a wife. So, that's why I'm not
bringing her into this right now, it's only about us guys.
But women could, your wife could. Your wife could learn your language. And you
learn hers. And you will find you'll communicate so much better. But we're
only talking about one side of it right now. One side. So dialogue and
relationship. And if you don't know what that looks like, just listen closely to
how she talks, what she talks about. How her conversations go with other people,
with you, with the kids, with her friends. Just watch and listen. It's like learning
Spanish, German, French or Italian language. And any other language. You're
listening to learn how to speak the language. And when you know the language,
there's better communication and the relationships going to be better. That what
you just learned, super important. Game changer.
Give yourself the next day or 2. Watch your wife closely, you'll figure it out.
You'll do great. But hey, if you're ready to really take your marriage up to the
next level. I think what you ought to do is check out my live event called
Royalty & Romance. My wife and I teach the class and it's about marriage. It's
about all the glitches that happen, the problems that happen. Why they happen and
what you do to solve them. And it's called Royalty & Romance. And so, I
think it's time for a little bit or royalty in your life, a little bit
more romance. Click the link below. Check it out it's held right here in Salt Lake
City. Hope you're ready for the next level. And I look forward to seeing you
at the class. You're going to love it. And also, subscribe. Click the button so
that you don't miss any of these great training videos. But definitely click the
link below and check out this class. We have been teaching it for years. It has
helped so many couples get on the same page.