♪♪
[audience cheering]
The Israelite leader Moses has claimed responsibility
for another plague.
We must retaliate, and so I have summoned you here,
my most powerful sorcerers.
Behold!
Behold.
At your service, Pharoah's Bros.
[All] Hyah!
Good.
First Moses turned the Nile river
into blood.
[All scoffing]
Okay, that was so last harvesting cycle.
Right?
Um, Moses's last harvesting cycle called,
they want their idea back.
Ooh, yeah.
Hey, hey, I bet he still uses Myspace.
[laughing] Oh he totally does bro.
He totally does.
Oh, oh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh,
listen up.
Okay?
Um, when Moses is asleep, uh, stick his hand in water--
not, not too hot, not too cold, just kinda meh.
Like this guy's girlfriend!
Dude! Shut up, bro!
Hashtag sorry, not sorry.
No!
That's not severe enough.
Moses made everything dark for three days.
[Scoffing] What?
Everything dark for--
Uh oh, I'm scared, I better go call my mummy.
[All laughing]
Oh yeah, yeah, dude, I'm pretty sure
I've had spray tans last longer than that.
Obviously.
[laughing]
Dude, hah, I bet he doesn't even worship the sun.
Oh dude, not at all, dude.
Oh, bro! Bro!
Bro!
Look dude, look dude, I got it, dude.
Here we go.
So we send a pigeon to Moses in the middle of the night,
okay?
He's gonna take the little scroll
off the little pigeon toes, and he's gonna read it,
and it's gonna saaayyy,
"And thus Pharaoh saith,
"And verily, verily,
"it came to pass,
LET MY PEOPLE BRO!"
Let my people bro!
Come on, dude!
No!
We need drastic retaliation;
Moses summoned locusts, flies, lice, and frogs.
Dude!
Bro, bro.
We sell pestilence control.
Yeah.
[audience laughing]
Hey, we may not be able to "part the sea,"
but we'll part your bill.
Yeah, in half.
By ten percent.
Ten percent, ten percent,
okay, yeah dude.
Stop trying to sell to me, I need to show Moses
Egypt's power!
Oh, okay. Okay.
Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro,
bro, bro, bro, bro, bro!
He's got one, dude, he's got one.
Bro, bro, lend thine ear, bro!
Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro.
Shhhh, shhhh
Okay, bro.
Oh fair bro.
Yeah, dude.
Forgot what I was gonna say.
Dude, come on, man!
Oh wait, wait, no now, okay, okay.
So we put him in a wicker basket--
Okay.
--and we sing a lullaby to him--
Okay.
--as we push him down a river.
Oh!
Get it?
Hashtag throwback prank!
[cheering]
So good!
Yeah!
So. Good.
Woo!
Man.
Dude, yeah?
Yeah?
Dude, dude, dude, that would be so ugly.
So ugly.
Things are gonna get ugly!
Yeah, dude.
Like this guy's girlfriend.
What? Come on!
Dude, she's got me through some hecka tough times,
dude, and her dad got us out of building those pyramids.
Bro, we love her and her hecka thick neck.
And her cankles.
Thank you. Man.
No, I want to destroy him!
More ideas!
Go!
Okay, okay, uh, we build a Nile full of laxatives.
Swish!
No!
Okay, uh, we cover his lawn with golden calves.
Prank!
No!
Okay, uh, uh, we involve him in a summer sales
pyramid scheme--
Okay,
--building an actual pyramid!
Sell that!
No!
Moses turned a snake into a staff.
Bro, we can do that same thing.
We totally can.
See this staff?
Look, if you look-- squint your eyes,
it's kinda like a snake now.
It's a snaaake.
It's a snake now.
Oh yeah, yeah!
Yeah, dude.
How'd you do that?
Dude, I don't know.
Whoa.
Hey man, when life hands you plagues,
make plague and eggs.
Uh, more like plagues over easy.
Uh, plagues benedict?
Yeah!
Dude, yeah bro.
Urgent news,
We just got word that the last plague will be
the death of every first born.
Whoa.
Bro, he can't actually do that, right?
I mean that's above his pay gra--
No, I don't think-- [gasp]
Tell Moses thank you.
[audience laughing]
[audience cheering]
Thank you so much for watching,
please subscribe, and comment below.
Below.
Any fun bro stuff you have to throw on there.
And now for the game-- Jason, you are
Daniel in the lion's den, as Christopher Walken.
[Christopher Walken impression]: Guys, I gotta have more lions.
[Stacey laughing]