IN SOVIET RUSSIA, JOKE IS TIRED OF YOU.
AN IMGUR USER UPLOADED PROFILE PICS FROM A RUSSIAN DATING SITE
AND THE RESULTS ARE -- SEXY?
I'LL SHOW YOU A PICTURE OF A RUSSIAN PERSON ON THE MAKE.
SOMEONE WHO IS RUSHING TO GET IN YOUR PANTS.
AND YOU GIVE ME A LINE FROM THEIR DATING PROFILE --
NO POINTS FOR THAT ONE, CHRIS HARDWICK.
LET'S SEE IF THEY CAN GET POINTS FOR YOU.
FIRST ONE, THIS STARVING SOVIET-- SOMEWHERE GALLAGHER
JUST [BLEEP] HIS PANTS. (LAUGHTER)
EMILY.
>> SHE DOESN'T NEED A MAN. SHE NEEDS A KNIFE.
THIS WAS NOT AN ASSVILLE, LET ME SAY THAT RIGHT NOW.
>> LOOKS LIKE IT WAS IN ASSVILLE.
>> NO, NO.
>> ASSVILLE IS AMERICA, THIS IS RUSSIA.
>> OH, I'M SORRY. THEN SHE'S IN TAINTSK
>> NEXT ONE THIS MAN --
GET BACK TO THE CELLAR AND STOP SCARING THE GUESTS.
OH, VERY SORRY -- I WILL GO UP TO THE BACK AND PUNCH GOPHERS.
>> YES, MYKE.
>> LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WITH PASSION FOR TROLL DOLLS.
>> POINTS. POINTS.
>> I CAN'T TELL IF HIS PECS ARE SUPPOSED TO DISTRACT
FROM ME FROM FACE OR PANTS ARE SUPPOSED TO DISTRACT ME
FROM HIS HAIR OR IF-- IF A WALLPAPER IS SUPPOSED TO
DISTRACT ME FROM HIM BEING FOUR FEET TALL?
>> THERE ARE A LOT OF PLACES FOR THE EYE TO GO.
>> YEAH. POINTS.
>> I AM CHILD OF SUSAN BOYLE AND BEAR.
>> I'D [BLEEP] HIM.
>> POINTS. NEXT ONE, LOOK AT THIS MAGICAL MERMAID.
MIKE.
>> ENJOYS LONG FLOPS ON THE BEACH.
>> YOU CAN SEE THE FAREWELL NOTE HER FIANCEE LEFT HER.
>> I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO POINT IT OUT --
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S THE SHAPE OF PAPER AIRPLANE.
IT'S LIKE HERE, I'M DONE.