Hi lovely people,
Last week my wife, Claudia, and I made a video about our very different school journeys:
her’s is a straight path whilst I wobbled around and then fell off the path for a while
and then got back on and then fell off it and… it was a whole thing.
Basically, I
finished school: yay!
- It was two years later than everyone else and I almost died doing it but I actually
made it through and that’s what matters!
Since I just pretty much summed up my educational background with a ‘hiking in the Lake District’
metaphor you don’t need to have seen that video to get this one but I’ll leave it
linked in the description and in a card above. I asked you for your top tips on making it
through school with a disability and I’ve thrown in some of mine to create this beautiful
list of “it’s hard but you can do it”
I believe in you, screw everyone who doesn’t.
- (these tips are school based but let me know if you want me to make a related university
slash college video because that’s obviously quite a different experience!)
Make sure you keep watching until the end to get all of the important tips and remember
if you’re new here to subscribe for more helpful videos with a smile.
Rather than building to it, I’m going to start with the number one most important tip:
Be open about your conditions and accept that you need help!
- Wow, shocking(!)
I know, it sounds simple and it’s actually really difficult to put into practice but
it’s vitally important. The most important thing in your life is maintaining yourself
and staying alive.
Just. Stay. Alive.
The second most important thing is your education.
Far, far down on that list of importance is what idiotic teenagers you’ll never even see again after
you leave school think of you. If they want to think badly of you for using a wheelchair
then they’re clearly uneducated idiots who do not deserve your time of day or space in
your lovely head.
You can’t get the most out of your education if you’re worried about social things.
I lost most of my friends when I became ill/disabled and I wasted a lot of hours on
those people that I could have spent broadening my mind or… sleeping or… watching Friends
reruns. People who let you down deserve less space in your brain than an episode of whatever
tv show you’re watching for the fifth time.
- Shut it down. Put yourself first! Accept the help.
Next point: ask for help.
Your school is legally obliged to educate you.
Shocker.
Even if you have an invisible
illness. If a doctor says you’re too ill to go to school then the local authority must
make provisions for your education. They might say they don’t but just drop in ‘should
I consult a lawyer about this?’ every so often and you’ll find they become remarkably
helpful.
My mother loves to tell the story of how the head of my local education authority came
to a meeting at my school at the end of the working day and was really upetty and annoying
about me essentially ‘skiving school’, even loudly asking “Well is Jessica even
going to join us for this meeting?!”... to which she pointed out that I WAS that pile
of coats he’d stepped over to get a chair.
There should be a form of student support at your school and you can ask them to do
things like write to all of your teachers, exempting you from punishment for being late
or absent. Be upfront about what you’re going through and
they’ll come through for you.
And if they don’t:
- “Do I need to consult a lawyer?” [suspense sfx]
Goes quite far.
If there isn’t a formal student support then find an ally- likely your favourite teacher.
Open up about what you’re going through and people will often bend over backwards
to help. I loved my Classical Civilisations teacher and she was such a sweetheart that
she came to my house in her own time to help me catch up on all of the classes I had missed.
(also really made me aware how much time was wasted by other people messing around
in class as we would cover four hours of lessons in one hour)
- I feel like these points are all really similar: communication is key!
On a slightly different topic: never be ashamed about how long it takes you to do something
or get to where you want to be. A Levels are meant to take two years but they took me four.
My university course was meant to take three years but it took me five.
There is no shame
in staying alive!
Humans are complex beings and you’ll be amazed as you grow older how many people you’ll
meet who also have lives that have gone on some winding paths with a lot of twists and
turns. Try not to internalise ‘hustle culture’ that says you have to be constantly striving
to be the best and going to school whilst also doing extra curriculars and being your
own boss and making money on the side and constantly socialising and making your own
clothes and saving the world and always making the most ethical decisions at all times!
[Deep breath]
Honestly, the internet is a very busy place.
Just turn it off and play the Sims.
Let them hustle for you.
Don’t overstretch yourself by taking too many classes. Be aware of your limitations
and honest about them.
If you can only study for 20 minute periods before needing a break then that’s what
you’re going to do! The school can just work around you. Screw them!
- I feel like I’m saying that a lot in this video, I’m just very passionate about education
for marginalised people!
It might be helpful for you to find a Facebook group or online board with young people who
are also struggling to get through school- maybe even a real life group of people! They
don’t need to be going through exactly the same things as you though.
When I became ill and lost the aforementioned friends I actually made friends with other
people who weren’t necessarily ill but had ‘stuff’ going on- maybe they have an ill
parent, a disabled sibling, they’ve lost someone close to them or they’ve had some
big life experiences (moving countries for example).
Basically, people who know that
real life is much bigger than just school life. They make a great support system.
Actually, you know I said earlier that education is more important than your social life? Well
if you only have a little bit of energy and using that on socialising is going to get
you through to the next day, then you do that. Do what works for you. We’re all different.
If you want to push yourself to do something then don’t let me stop you, don’t let
anyone stop you. It’s your energy to do with what you want.
Related: It’s okay if you need to stop. If you need to drop out entirely even.u
You can come back. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy or say anything about your character.
Your health needs to come first.
Even if your exam results don’t turn out the way you wanted them to, there will be
oportunities to further your education in the future whilst you’re working. Bad results
don’t mean that you’re not intelligent, just that you had some other stuff going on.
Your education does not define you!
It also in no way affects your future happiness. I know some very unhappy well educated people.
You’ve got just as much of a right to education as a healthy non-disabled person. If you need
class notes printed out for you rather than writing from the board then that is what the
teacher should do. If you need to sit in a specific place in class then they had darn
well better reserve that table for you. If you need an interpreter or an assistant or
a therapy dog then you get the more helpful most wonderful soul to be with you!
If your parents are rubbish and unhelpful then find an adult who will advocate for you- even the
school receptionist if they seem nice.
If people won’t listen to you then you yell louder
and you yell fiercer and you don’t ever give up on yourself, even if other people do.
You have a brave soul and I see it.
Hold on and you’ll make it through.
That’s it. Those are my tips:
You’re valid, you’re wonderful, you do you, I’m here supporting you 100 percent
of the way.
Now go out there and be fabulous.
(even if that’s just fabulous on your sofa)
And I’ll see you in my next video! [kiss]