- "Buffy Gets Therapized" part two.
We already looked at "The Body",
the episode called "The Body", where Buffy lost her mom
and has to deal with the grief of it.
Now, we're gonna go for the jugular world,
probably the best episode of "Buffy" ever,
once more with feeling, the musical episode.
And we're gonna talk about Existential depression.
I think I just made that phrase up.
Mended Light.
(bright upbeat music)
Okay, I'm sure other people have said
Existential depression before,
but here's what I mean by it,
not knowing what your life is about
not knowing why you're here.
And that's what Buffy's going through
and we're gonna talk about it.
Okay.
(upbeat music)
So at this time there hadn't really been musical episodes
of TV shows done before,
or if there had, there were humor far between after this
everyone started doing them.
This is one of the most critically
acclaimed episodes of TV ever.
So here's Buffy.
At the end of the last season,
she gave her life to save everybody.
Her friends were afraid that she was in hell
so her friend Dawn right there...
Her friend Willow, sorry.
Dawn's her sister, her friend Willow is a witch
pulled her out of,
thought she was pulling her out of hell
and bringing her back to the earth.
Buffy was actually in heaven.
And none of her friends know that there is a heaven
that Buffy was there that she was happy
and they pulled her out.
And so now she's depressed
because it was so much better there.
And now she's stuck in this miserable place called earth.
Maybe some of you can relate.
Her role if you haven't seen the show,
she's basically a vampire slash monster
slash demon fighting superhero.
She's got superpowers that have been endowed on her
for this mission.
Giles is her Obi-Wan Kenobi and he's right here.
He is like, "It's time".
Time to go kill the demons
'cause we're located on a hell mouth
and we need to stop them from killing people.
She's like, "Fine."
♪ Every single night, ♪
♪ The same arrangement ♪
♪ I go out and fight ♪
♪ The fight ♪
♪ Still I always feel the strangest strangeness, ♪
♪ Nothing here is real, ♪
♪ Nothing here is right. ♪
♪ I've been making shows of trading blows ♪
♪ Just hoping no one knows ♪
♪ That I've been going through the motion ♪
- You feel depressed.
♪ Walking through the part ♪
- You can relate to that.
Going through the motions
doing what I'm supposed to do every day, smiling face.
Maybe they won't notice that I'm depressed
and I feel purposeless,
and it's sad cause you feel so alone.
But at the same time
you don't want to burden anybody with this.
♪ You got that swing. ♪
♪ Thanks for noticing ♪
♪ She's pretty well with things from hell ♪
♪ But lately we can tell ♪
♪ She's just going though the motion ♪
(going through the motion)
♪ Faking it somehow ♪
♪ She's not even half the girl ♪
♪ She, oh ♪
- That's my favorite part.
♪ Will I stay this way forever ♪
- He gets stabbed and he keeps singing.
♪ How can I repay? ♪
♪ Whatever ♪
♪ I don't wanna be ♪
- Well, inversion, "Damsel in Distress"
Here's the dude in distress.
His heating bossoms are revealed.
And she's like, yeah, whatever.
♪ Losing all my drive ♪
♪ I can't even see ♪
♪ If this is really me ♪
♪ And I just wanna be ♪
♪ Alive ♪
- It's a great show.
I can't even see if this is really me
and I just want to feel alive.
I just wanna be alive.
So the thing about Existential depression as I call it.
With depression, period, I mean there's a lot of sources.
Sometimes it can be circumstantial.
Sometimes it could be chemical.
Sometimes it could be both.
It can be localized around the loss of a relationship.
It can be centered around the loss of a certain dream.
It can also just be there.
Inexplicably.
I've known people
that everything was going well for them in life
they had great friends, great family, great job
like all sorts of things
but they just couldn't feel happiness.
In Buffy's case,
And in the case of existential depression,
it takes the form of purposelessness,
of not knowing why you're here.
Or as I said earlier
knowing why you're here, having an idea, having a mission
but there's not any joy in it anymore.
One of the criteria for depression is loss of interest in
the activities that you used to enjoy.
And Buffy used to enjoy being a hero.
She used to enjoy saving people.
She used to enjoy killing vampires and demons.
I imagine that's actually great catharsis.
Like if you carry a lot of rage and frustration
and we see that if she's got frustrations
with her love life she goes out,
she kills some vampires
and she feels better, right?
But that's not doing it for her anymore.
Maybe you feel like there's something that you used to love
and now meh, it doesn't move the needle.
What is it actually?
Let me know in the comments below
What did you used to love doing?
And now it's just kind of, meh, sometimes we feel depressed
because we think that we don't have a purpose
that the universe has no purpose or meaning.
Life has no purpose or meaning.
So what are we even doing here?
For other people,
they believe there's a divine power out there.
They believe that we're here for a reason
but they feel like that reason is being withheld from them.
They're seeking it and it's not being given.
And so there's a frustration there.
Or in other cases, I feel like
I know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.
Either something that I've chosen to do
or something that like the divine
or my higher power has guided me to do.
And I just don't want to do it anymore.
So how do we navigate that?
So there's so much in this episode
and there's so many different songs
and there's so many things going on
with different characters
but I'm gonna focus just on Buffy today.
And this Existential depression, we may come back to it.
But here she's gonna go fight the demon
who's responsible for everyone singing in this episode.
He shows up and the idea is
that his demonic power is that everyone turns
into a Broadway show
and they sing and dance until they die, right?
They sing and dance so hard
that they spontaneously combust.
And before they do, they tell the truth
whatever dark secrets they've been withholding
from people, they sing them out.
It's like the "Lasso of truth"
except for it's the power ballot of truth.
She's going out to find him
'cause he's kidnapped her sister
and she's doing it alone.
One of the biggest focuses
of this show is Buffy's support network.
The Scooby's, named after the Scooby-Doo squad.
The Scooby's, her friends, not all of them have powers
but everybody is loyal and everyone's got her back.
She's very used to fighting these battles, not alone
but Giles, her Obi-Wan Kenobi is worried,
that she's relying too much on him
and relying too much on everybody else.
And that she's using them as a crutch instead
and he thinks if they hold back,
then she'll have to find her footing.
If they hold back, then she'll have to find her way.
And there's a tough love scenario
I see sometimes with people who suffer from depression
a lot of times their loved ones are there for them.
Other times, their loved ones say things like
pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
This is all in your head.
If I help you, I'm enabling you.
If I'm here for you, I'm enabling you.
You got this, go and do it.
Now she's going off by yourself and...
♪ I touch the fire and it freezes me ♪
♪ I look into it and its black ♪
♪ Why can't I feel ♪
♪ My skin should crack and peel ♪
♪ I want the fire back. ♪
- The fire back inside of me.
I look into the fire and it free...
I touch the fire and it freezes me.
I look into it and it's black.
Sometimes when you're depressed,
everything seems reversed, right?
I should feel joy.
I feel nothing.
I should feel happiness.
I feel sadness.
♪ Or maybe melt away ♪
♪ I guess it's all the same ♪
- And that is a brutal line to save the day
or maybe melt away.
I guess it's all the same.
To feel like if I live or die,
if I succeed or fail,
it's all the same.
Like I'm just that flat.
Depression isn't always sadness.
Sometimes it's nothingness.
It's flatness
- Ah Spike.
Spike's my favorite character.
♪ I hope she fries ♪
♪ I'm free if that bitch dies ♪
♪ I better help her out ♪
- So his thing is he hates Buffy and he loves her
and he wishes he could quit her.
And so he is like, I'm free if she dies.
I hope she fries.
And then he is like, I better go help her.
♪ Walk through the fire ♪
- Can we bring back bleach blonde, please?
♪ Will this do a thing to change it ♪
♪ Am I leaving Dawn in danger ♪
♪ Is my Slayer too far gone to care ♪
- And friends and family second guessing what
♪ What if Buffy can't defeat it ♪
♪ Feed the eyes is right when needed ♪
♪ Or we could just sit around and glare ♪
♪ We'll see it through its what we're always here to do ♪
♪ So we will walk through the fire. ♪
- So awesome if people rise up and are there for you
but if they don't it's lonely as hell
♪ But why I froze ♪
♪ Not one among them knows ♪
♪ And never can be told ♪
- But she's cutting herself off and it's hurting her.
♪ First I'll kill her, then I'll save her ♪
♪ Everything is turning out so go ♪
- Such a sweet line she came from the grave Watch Graver.
♪ No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her. ♪
♪ I think this line's mostly filler ♪
- "No, I'll save her, then I'll kill her".
"I think this line's mostly filler".
This is awesome.
It's hilarious.
The writing on this show is so sharp.
♪ The point of no return. ♪
♪ So we will walk through the fire. ♪
♪ And let it burn. ♪
- Timing those firetrucks coming in at full speed.
With them singing that line
And that pause and that kick is awesome.
- Like the filmmaking there.
I wonder how many takes they needed.
I love this.
Kick the door off.
Boom.
- Showtime (laughs)
- Okay.
Now we get to the part of the grand finale is
Buffy's gonna try
and save her sister, but the demons basically
gonna make her sing and she's gonna sing her truth
before she spontaneously combusts.
And she's gonna be singing here.
♪ Nice to show ♪
♪ And we all play our part ♪
- About what life should be.
♪ And when the music starts ♪
♪ We open up our hearts ♪
♪ It's all right if something's ♪
- So I'm an optimist
and I love this initially
I'm like, yeah, Buffy.
Work your way out of this depression
by focusing on the positive and counting your blessings.
Beat up some bad guys.
You'll feel better.
But that's not what the song is about.
♪ Just be like other girls ♪
- 'Cause you can see she's singing the happy lyrics
but she's detaching more and more
because it's how she should be.
But not how she actually feels.
Give her back up, but not in battle.
This is the hilarious thing.
So they go in and sing with her (laughs).
♪ I need something ♪
- I love the song of the lyric.
Don't give me songs, give me something to sing about.
And she's singing to the demon.
She's like, yeah, great.
I have songs, but I have nothing to sing about
nothing to live for
♪ You don't get to rehearse ♪
♪ And every single verse ♪
♪ And make it that much worse ♪
♪ So my friends dunno why I ignore ♪
♪ The million things or more ♪
♪ I should be dancing for ♪
- I wanna possibly fast.
My friends don't know why I ignore
the million things or more.
I should be dancing for like (sighs)
people just want you to be happy
and they want you to snap out of it.
And they're like, it's gonna be okay.
And they try and reassure you.
And then they feel helpless when they can't.
And then you see that helplessness.
So you stop saying anything
because you don't want to burden them
because it's not gonna make it better anyway.
And so you just get stuck in this loop
and you carry it yourself.
And it just gets stuffed deep and deep and deep.
Also she feels like they wouldn't understand.
She wouldn't understand what she's going through
or why she's going through it.
She doesn't even fully understand it herself.
But the truth of it is
it's not people's job to make it better.
It's their job to make sure we don't go through it alone.
And that's the thing about
depression is it can be alleviated,
we can manage it,
manage it, it can get better.
But ultimately it comes down to mourning with those
that mourn sometimes means
that you don't make it better,
but you're there by their side.
And she's not letting them do that right now.
♪ Light sense better ♪
♪ And family ♪
♪ And friends ♪
♪ All of just ♪
♪ And friends ♪
♪ Knowing that ♪
♪ It depends ♪
♪ Well that depends ♪
♪ And they let you go ♪
- They didn't let her go.
♪ They don't have to know ♪
♪ But when you vow ♪
So she's saying I had my ending
and I left the earth and I left it happy
and a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts, right?
Our lives are beautiful because they don't last.
We need to make the most of it while we're here.
♪ There was no pain ♪
♪ No fear, no doubt ♪
♪ Till they pulled me out ♪
♪ Of heaven ♪
- And the key isn't pretty anymore.
It's kind of ugly.
♪ That's my refrain ♪
♪ I live in hell ♪
- Here's Willow.
♪ 'Cause I've been expelled from heaven ♪
♪ I think I was in heaven ♪
- The rest of the song sounds really good
but this is off key a little bit like her life.
So she sings to her friends.
Please gimme something to sing about
something to live for.
They don't have anything.
And the demons just like, no, go ahead and die.
So at this point Buffy's gonna make her exit.
She's gonna go out out of frame.
She's literally gonna die by suicide right here.
And her friends don't know what to do
or how to stop her.
Good old Spike.
♪ Life's not a song ♪
♪ Life isn't bliss ♪
♪ Life is just this ♪
♪ It's living ♪
♪ You get along ♪
♪ The pain that you feel ♪
♪ You only can heal by living ♪
♪ You have to go on living ♪
- He's a vampire so he's technically not even alive
♪ So one of us is living ♪
- But he saved her life.
- The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.
- And that's what Buffy told her sister
before sacrificing herself was the hardest thing in
the world is to live in it.
So Dawn's repeating it back to her
because at this point she doesn't feel like going on.
Maybe you can relate.
I love that line.
Life's not a song.
Life isn't bliss.
Life is just this.
It's living.
Earlier on she's talking about whistle while you work
and all these little maxims about how we should be happy.
And the problem with that is if we're not happy,
we think there's something wrong and we're doing it wrong.
But depression is just another state of being.
Sadness is just another state of being.
Stress, anxiety, fear.
It's unpleasant.
We don't want these emotions
but these emotions are part of our human experience
and they help us to appreciate the sweet,
having the bitter helps us to appreciate the sweet.
Experiencing the bitter helps us to appreciate the sweet.
And you have these bursts of joy,
and you have these moments of peace,
and you have these great times,
but they're always followed by hardship.
And hardship is always followed by,
at some point joy again.
And sometimes it takes a long time sunrise, sunset, right?
They always say the night is darkest before the dawn,
the opposite is also true.
Not the sunshine's the best right before sunset
but like it's bright.
And then the sunsets, and then it sucks and that's life.
But if we don't stick around, we deprive ourselves.
Not only of the good we can experience
but also the good we can do for others.
And spike, he's gonna get his soul back in a later season
but he's experienced sorrow in his life
and he's caused sorrow in his life.
And he wants Buffy to experience all of it
because he wants her to live.
'Cause he doesn't get to anymore.
I've heard it said don't feel sad for growing old.
It's a privilege denied to many.
And that's also true just of living,
that the sadness and the heartaches and the pains
and the fears and the joys.
It's all part of the experience and getting to
live a life as a privilege denied to many people.
We resolve Existential depression over time
by letting ourselves feel whatever we need to feel
by not trying to force ourselves to be happy
like Buffy was trying to do and it wasn't working.
That it's okay to feel melancholic.
It's okay to feel flat.
It's okay to feel sad.
Because when it's okay then it doesn't have power
like it used to when we're like, oh no, this has to go away.
We need to solve this right now.
Our ability to endure has extended our ability to
help others because of our compassion
because of what we've gone through is extended.
And we can ride things out
until things do get better.
Searching for a purpose,
creating a purpose for yourself helps.
But even when you have that, I love what I do.
I love my light.
I love helping people.
Some days I'm just like, ah, I don't feel it.
I don't want it.
I don't feel much anything.
And I hate that.
But it's part of the experience.
So if you enjoyed this episode and you missed part one,
look at "Buffy Gets Therapized" where we talk about
the episode "The body" where Buffy finds her mother's body
and has to deal with the grief of that loss.
If you are going through grief or depression
a therapist on our team can help you.
We have free 15 minutes consultations discovery calls.
The link is in the description of this video for that.
If you don't know who you are or who you want to be
or sometimes you just don't feel it, how do you deal?
What's your experience that could help somebody else?
Please share in the comments.
What would you like me to therapize?
What from pop culture,
would you like me to cast a therapist eye on?
Let me know in the comments below.
As always like, subscribe.
Click the bell so you get notified
'Cause we got new videos coming all the time.
I'm Jonathan Decker.
This has been "Buffy Gets Therapized" part deux
and I'll see you next time.
But look, there's the part one.
I know what you're doing for the next 15 minutes.
I bet you'll cry.
No I did.
I cried a lot.