- Once you're in your thirties,
you know you're never going to be a child star,
which was my ultimate dream.
But now I know that's never gonna happen,
I'm kind of like relaxed about it, you know.
(dramatic music)
Hi, I'm Eli Matthewson.
This is "Comedians Cook",
and today I'm cooking Earl Grey bread and butter pudding.
Let's do it.
First step is preheat the oven to 180 degrees on bake,
and grease and line a loaf tin.
What does line?
Does line mean baking powder?
Because ultimately, we don't have that.
So I'm gonna grease this tin.
Thrillingly, this is the only moment
the butter is used in the recipe.
Okay, second step, pour the cream and the milk
into a saucepan and stir in the Earl Grey tea.
Now we stir in the sugar and the vanilla extract as well.
The batter is so low that
I'm gonna try to pour this very fast.
That is so much. (laughs)
This is gonna kill someone.
One teaspoon of vanilla extract.
Heat the mixture through until not quite simmering,
and leave at this temperature for 10 minutes
so the tea can infuse.
I guess what makes me unique as a comedian is that
I think I'm one of the youngest people doing
as many dad jokes as I do,
while also doing a lot of jokes about...
about jizz
- That's bad, isn't it?
But I do have a joke about whether
when you have a good orgasm,
does that mean it would have made a better quality kid?
If I was to have a child,
as I see myself like Elton John-ing it,
in terms of like having a kid when I'm like 58
and I'd love a kid, who's just like, self...
you know, just gets on with it.
From age one, walks to the cupboard makes himself dinner.
I guess I want to, I want an adult. (laughs)
To eat this...
is in no way good for your body,
but...
Oi Martin, you're not allowed up there. Are you?
You know... No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. (laughs)
He hasn't learned any rules yet.
Carefully, pour the milk cream mixture
in a thin stream into the egg mixture.
She never says what to do with the eggs. (laughs)
I'm guessing we whisk together the eggs
and then pour the milk into the eggs.
So nice of you to provide all the ingredients.
Imagine if you showed up and there were battery eggs.
I was like, "Oh, thank you so much."
A thin stream is a weird instruction as well 'cause it's,
how am I supposed to control the size of the stream?
Doing pretty good job, actually.
Hack up the chocolate.
Look, I've had multiple five-star reviews, not to brag,
but I got one a four-star review in Chortle,
which is notoriously a tough review site.
And they said, I...
should be doing live at the Apollo.
And I was like, "Thanks guys. That's very nice of you."
And then I was like,
"I'm going to go over to the UK and be a star."
And then ultimately there was a pandemic and I'm here making
Earl grey bread and butter pudding for these
happy people in the room.
Dip each piece into the creamy egg tea mixture.
And then we're going to make layers.
And then between each layer,
a bit of dark chocolate and a bit of the almonds.
Love a bit of texture.
It almost feels sexual that aye?
but it's not sexual.
It's just textural.
And obviously the end, you want your hands to look like
you ran out of toilet paper. (laughs)
Yuck.
This is the best bit...
waiting.
(comical music)
This was a present for my 30th birthday,
is this a figure of Robin
and his tiny green Speedos and those bare legs,
which is how he should be portrayed in the films.
Wouldn't it be so good if it was like full Christopher Nolan
and then Robin showed up in this exact outfit.
Ladies, gentlemen, non-binary friends, welcome to
the Earl grey bread and butter pudding experience.
Oh.
Woo. Woo. Woo.
Look at that.
It looks a mess,
but I think that's bread and butter pudding in general.
Yum.
Crusty delicious croissants, drenched in eggs and tea.
(comical music)