Before I get into this video I want to address something from my last video. I really value
you all as subscriptions and I apologise. I did not give credit where credit was due. Usually
I credit the writer and producer of these videos, but last week I forgot to do so. It was careless,
callus and unforgivable. I’m sorry to you, and even more so, I’m sorry to the cow.
For those who don’t watch me regularly and are wondering "what the feck is going on??":
my name is Tara Mooknee and this is the only channel on Youtube where all videos are written
and produced by a cow. She couldn’t make it for this video, but if you like
and subscribe she might appear in the next one. And I won’t forget to say this again. Hopefully.
Chain mail. It often involves some heavy stuff. Geddit?
So this video is about umm, those posts you know the ones, the ones that go,
something along the lines of:
Something like that anyway.
And there is a name for these, so you can be more concise when discussing them. Though I
did like my own description. It’s your personal preference. Anyways: they’re called chain letters.
And disclaimer: if you are at all superstitious - maybe don’t watch this.
And also, I will be reading and showing some of these messages and stories,
but I will have to censor the super gorry ones because I would like this
video to be monetized so I can yaknow pay rent and buy my dog cute outfits.
Even though I associate these with early noughties internet they actually have a longer history.
This crusty & crumbling yellow scroll is known as the 'Letter From Heaven' which
is a copied letter first published in London in 1795. It describes an imagined
pen-friendship between Jesus and King Abgar of Edessa. A bromance shall we say?
And it contained a classic chainmail line:
There’s a case from 1888 which shows the galz taking initiative.
A methodist women’s missionary know as the Chicago Training School was having some cashflow problems.
They decided to open “peripatetic contribution box“.
The missionaries ended up raising $6000.
Yeah, it’s annoying to be asked for money multiple
times, but you have to admit that this scheme was very girlboss of them.
Then in the 1990s, an unknown source started what became known as the “underpants exchange.”
Used or?
It actually worked. There was actual demand for this.
The Baltimore Sun reported about the many satisfied participants who got sent several
pairs of underwear sent to them every week. And I wanna ask again: used or?
So putting aside the scammy ones, I want to focus more on the internet chain mail.
The ones that aren’t trying to get anything from you but your time.
The ominous ones are my favourites because a) they’re funny b) they reveal how superstitious
people actually are. A lot of people sharing them are kids, of course, but some are adults.
There’s a subreddit dedicated to this called ‘SuperChainGang’ - a private one at that.
They still haven't accepted my request to join. And it's basically a safe space for
superstitious people to share these chain mail messages without the fear of judgement.
Because let’s be honest, if you’re in your twenties and you're sending
this to a whatsapp group, you know full well they're gonna be making a new group
and you won’t be added to it. And can you blame them?
I enjoy this one:
I did.
So they’re saying that they’re ghosts, but that ghost on the left has quite the drip,
especially considering he died in 1887. He might be dead but he’s still keeping
up with the trends. I admire that hustle. “They will visit you” dunno what that means.
They could be dropping by to say hi or to knock you out.
I couldn’t take that chance though, so I reposted it. Right in this video.
As a millennial who grew up on the internet, a lot of these
“horror chain messages” I found in the archives ignited nostalgic feelings in me.
And embarrassment because I admit I was one to share them.
I had this feeling of “argh if I don’t share it I’ll be that skeptic in the
horror movie who dies” because we all think our lives are a movie.
I remember seeing them in Youtube comments,
myspace and Bebo - oh my god - does anyone else remember Bebo?
For my audience who aren’t in this age demographic, because I know
quite a few of you are Gen Z - I’m wanna know - did you have to endure these? Do people make
tiktoks threatening your life in the form of an eyeless ghost child? Let me know in the comments.
Now, shall we take a trip down memory lane? I consider this an essential reading list for
ridiculous horror chain mail messages. You need to read this to pass the class. So listen up kiddos.
Speaking of kiddos shoutout to scaryforkids.com who archived
all of the classic chain mail letters that terrorised my tween years.
Didn't happen!
How many fucking cases of these are there???
So either he's going to traumatise the shit out of you or give you money. Pick a side, Teddy!
And then there’s proof that this all actually happened...
I’m just dickin’ with ya!
Also. I call bullshit. You claim you have no eyes Teddy, but in your profile
pic you’ve got eyes. You’re a little liar Teddy. Yeah, I said it. Come at me. Bitch.
Clarissa. I’ve never met a Clarissa. Is it even a real name?
I’ve only ever seen it in fantasy. Yaknow?
And there she is,
looking rather pleased with herself. Watch this become a trending makeup look on tiktok.
So if you don’t read it you’ll die, but if you read it, you’ll also die.
Well that’s a dick move.
So this person hasn’t done their research as to how capital punishment is carried out.
Not that I want this to be ultra realistic anyway.
Every week? That’s commitment. She’s on that grind.
Why does sending this make her forget you?
That doesn’t sound right. It’s almost like this is bullshit.
“Jenny is history now”. Come on. Don’t be shy. Give us the deets.
One more. We’ve got a Disney themed one. Apologies,
I'm not going to do a Mickey Mouse voice because it'll wreck my throat.
You say this is no joke but I find this rather funny, so ha ha.
I can't read any of this if I want that moolah.
Alright. Chill out.
Not really.
Well that’s a bit insensitive.
This is unnecessarily graphic.
Yeah, because he’s a mouse.
At least give me a soundbite so I know the rhythm.
This is dumb.
Unless...it’s got a deeper meaning.
Like it’s a metaphor for capitalism and Mickey represents capitalism.
So obviously these are very silly but if you have been a bit spooked, you are in luck,
because there’s a Wikihow article on “How not to get creeped out by a chain letter” with 10
handy steps. And not only do these steps work when you’ve received one of these via email,
but also in youtube comments. So they’ve covered all the bases.
I’ll show my favourite steps. A highlight for me is step 7: Confront the sender.
And then step 8, which is if they send you another email, follow steps 1-7 again.
That’s no help. Aren’t these meant to work?
Shouldn't that just be the first step?
Imagine getting banned from your internet service provider for sending chain letters about eyeless
children. But if you report them won’t they send Mickey on you? Snitches get stitches.
And if all else fails, call the authorities. And get charged with wasting police time.
I rate this wikihow article 3/10. It’s not dire,
but the fact that it acknowledges that the steps are unlikely to work - isn’t a good look.
To counter the bad vibez from all that let’s look at today’s subscription pet shoutout.
It’s a bird on a skateboard. I can’t -
This is Icarus. He’s learning to fly and loves kisses.
And this is what his owner had to say.
Oh you probably have questions about the skateboarding. Well, he was learning but then…
I’ve been saying for years that I want to learn to skateboard. In fact,
I bought myself a feckin pennyboard because apparently they're easier to ride than regular
skateboards - and I’m too scared to try it. So Icarus, you’re better than I am.
I just want to look at him on a skateboard for a lil longer. Just gimme a second.
Okay, thank you Icarus, for existing - we don't deserve you. *applause*
If you enjoyed this video make sure to like it because 1 like equals 1 eye for Teddy. So
if lots of you like it - he’ll have plenty of eyes. It’s always good to have spares.
And make sure to subscribe because when you do subscribe you become a lil subscription
and when you become a lil subscription i will keep you underneath my pillow with the rest of
my lil subscriptions. And you’ll need that when Teddy comes to murk you. We’ll have your back.
And that is all. Have a good day. Sleep well tonight. Dog bless.
Buh bye, buh bye now! Buh bye, buh bye now! Buh bye!