You can’t become a good wife based on how your mother became a good wife.
Situations have changed, expectations have changed.
The biggest mistake humanity made was they started saying marriages are made in heaven.
That's why it's such a mess (Laughter).
you made this relationship, because you need it badly, isn't it?
If you understand and you are always grateful for this, you would handle it well.
Superscript: Can a Modern Woman be an Ideal Wife?
So our mothers have some set amazing benchmark…
Sadhguru: The moment you say mothers… Interviewer (Lisa): Yeah.
Sadhguru: They're giving a sound ambience of babies crying.
Interviewer (Lisa): Oh Okay.
Sadhguru: Perfect.
Interviewer (Lisa): That's the halo effect, I think.
Yeah, so they set of quite a big benchmark of being an ideal wife.
However, I or girls with my generation
feel that we cannot be as good a wife as my mother has been or our mothers have been.
So should I feel that I am falling short of in my personal life,
or should I feel that I'm not giving enough justice to my marriage once I'm married?
How should I feel about this?
Sadhguru: You know our center in the United States is in Tennessee.
Tennessee is a little…one kind of state. Okay?
Mary McKowski, that’s not Romanian, right (Laughter)?
Okay.
Mary McKowski got married
and after their honeymoon, they came home.
And she threatened him that she's going to make a dinner all by herself.
I'm sorry. She (Laughter)…
She said she'll make dinner for the new husband.
And husband came home from work and she served the dinner
and he put it in his mouth and slowly he was chewing on it and went into profound thought.
Then she was very excited about this dinner and she said,
the only two things my mother taught me how to cook, the meatloaf and the apple pie.
Then he looked at her and said, ‘Darling, which one is this (Laughter)?’
So your mother, your grandmother, how they made good wives,
largely it was believed the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Today your husband will call “Uber Eats” (Laughter) and
whatever “Quick pix,” and this and that and Swiggy's and whatever, all right (Laughs)?
So you can’t make a good wife based on how your grandmother became a good wife.
You can’t become a good wife based on how your mother became a good wife.
Situations have changed, expectations have changed.
Hmm?
It's not in the stomach anymore.
For some it's gone up into the head, for some it’s gone further south (Laughter).
Yes?
So you don't do that.
Essentially, what a husband and wife means is,
because you're not geared... Most people are not geared.
Very few people in this world are geared
to make this journey alive all by themselves.
They are organized enough within themselves totally.
They never feel anything missing in their life because they've made themselves like that.
But most people need somebody else to lean on,
either emotionally, psychologically, there are needs in a human being.
Physical needs, psychological needs, emotional needs, maybe social needs, economic needs, variety of needs.
To fulfill these needs, you want to find one person that you can depend on.
Because it's very difficult even to find one person who with whom you can share everything that you have,
your body, mind, emotion and works.
So this is the idea.
Formalizing it, is so that every time you get little… some little friction, you don't fall apart.
So little tying up, so that things don't fall apart very easily, all right?
Nothing else.
The biggest mistake humanity made was
they started saying marriages are made in heaven. That's why it's such a mess (Laughter).
You know it’s done here, if you see marriages are made between us
and we took responsibility for who we are, we could have made it work.
But the damn thing is made in heaven (Laughter).
Not suitable here, because it’s an alien stuff (Laughter).
Everything is a mess because you think it's made elsewhere by somebody else.
If you understand it's made by you for your well-being, to fulfill your needs and your purposes,
so that you can go through this journey of life with least amount of trouble and friction,
then you would handle it more responsibly, isn't it?
And according to contemporary needs,
not how your grandmother did her marriage.
You can't do it that way because expectations and situations have completely altered themselves.
So if you hold somebody who is your friend and who is your need, you must understand.
You’re in this relationship because you need, maybe the other person also needs but that's from their side.
As far as you are concerned you made this relationship, because you need it badly, isn't it?
If you understand and you are always grateful for this, that somebody is fulfilling all your need,
you would handle it well.
You wouldn't make a misery out of it.
But now you think somebody else needs you, then you will make a mess out of it.
You understand you need it, well the other person also needs to understand, he needs it.
Now there is a cohesion.
If you think, “Oh, you need me, so I'm going to exploit you.”
No, this is not about you squeezing happiness out of somebody, or they squeezing happiness out of you.
If two happy people meet, then there can be something wonderful happening between them.
But you are a misery, and you think somebody else should be the source of your happiness.
Well, it will multiply (Laughter).