Ah.
Election season.
The time of year where everyone with a social media account suddenly becomes an expert on
politics.
And how fortunate we are that they all share their well researched opinions unprompted
and on full blast constantly.
Social media, the place where nuanced discourse goes to die a horrible death.
And I’m here to help desecrate its grave with a video on writing propaganda!
Oh don’t worry.
I’m not here to tell you who to vote for, I’m here to tell you how to think!
Am I covering propaganda in order to help people recognize when such techniques are
being employed on them and thus be more prepared to resist deceitful manipulation?
Of course not!
I’m here to teach the valiant culture warriors that plague the comment sections of the internet
how to more effectively lie and deceive others as well as win their very high stake arguments.
Arguing with random people on the internet is the best and most constructive use of one’s
time after all!
So march with me brave keyboard warriors as Terrible Writing Advice covers writing propaganda!
Now the first and most important thing to remember is that the opponent is always literately
Hitler!
The best propaganda technique is to go from 0 to Godwin’s Law as fast as possible!
Nothing beats the combo of reductio ad hitlerum and literately misusing the word literately.
Yes this is a form of association fallacy, but you know who else accused others of association
fallacies?
Hitler!
Remember on the internet, if X then Nazis no matter how tortured the logic is.
Now what if, for the sake of argument, the opponent is not literately Hitler on account
of him being dead since the 40s?
Does that mean I would have to actually address my opponent’s arguments?
Of course not!
Time to break out the personal attacks and ad hominum them into the ground!
Best to start the argument off by calling the opponent stupid.
Be sure to add some expletives as well to spice things up.
The opponent can’t have the high ground if I drag them down to wallow in the mud with
me.
Yes my opponent’s arguments will remain unaddressed, but no one will notice when we
are both too busy slinging third grade insults at one another.
If one finds being nasty to the opponent just isn’t their thing, then perhaps smug dismissal
is a better option?
Why ad hominum when instead we can ad botinum and dismiss one’s opponent as a bot, corporate
shill, and/or foreign agent.
In no way will this make one look stupid when they continue to engage with the person they
just labeled a bot.
Now my advice so far has been centered around attacking the opponent rather than their arguments.
But what happens when the opponent manages to successfully thwart an argument?
Well… um... what about this other evil thing that my opponent did, huh?
Checkmate!
Every keyboard warrior needs to install a whataboutism escape hatch before they trudge
through the depths of online discourse.
Whataboutism works great because it turns the focus of the argument away from anything
nuanced and instead drags it down into yet another personal attack.
What happens if the opponent points out the whataboutism and tries to steer the argument
back on course?
Well then grab the wheel and crash that argument back into the rocks with another personal
attack.
Oh no.
My opponent has presented direct evidence that my argument is bad.
Score one for the opposition… or it would have if I didn’t just move that goalpost
further out.
This one’s easy because eventually I can move that goalpost far enough that my opponent
will never score a point.
Score one for me!
Remember, the burden of proof can be shifted as easily as that goalpost and thus free the
culture warrior to continue to make outrageous claims that their opponent cannot disprove
because they don’t operate on insane troll logic.
What if one lacks evidence to support their claim?
No worries.
Just say that the lack of evidence is evidence!
It works for conspiracy theories.
And if that doesn’t cut it then tell them to just google it or provide links to sources
that are just as neck deep in crazy town.
Now that we have thoroughly destroyed our foe with facts and logic, but mostly personal
attacks utterly devoid of intellectual merit, it’s time to finish them off for good by
eviscerating their argument for maximum ego gain.
To accomplish this requires careful study of the enemy and their ideology to know ins
and outs of their belief system and perspective.
But that requires I get out of my echo chamber circle jerk so that’s not going to happen.
Instead, every culture warrior should become familiar with the strawman version of their
opponent!
Why come equipped with arguments that refute a foe’s central thesis when we can instead
be prepared to face a weakened shell of a foe that resembles nothing of the actual enemy
I’m trying to fight.
The best plans are ones that rely on the assumption that the enemy won’t fight back.
But what if the opponent uses a strawman argument?
Should I refute this argument by pointing out how it’s a gross simplification and
highlight the use of the strawman fallacy?
No!
Amateur mistake.
The real way to counter a strawman argument is to become the strawman incarnate!
Embrace every negative aspect of the opponent's characterization all for the sake of “owning”
them.
No price is too steep for victory especially in the race to the bottom!
Yes this can be done ironically, but inevitability the shift must be made to unironically embrace
the worst aspects of the opponent’s characterizations.
If not, then don’t worry.
Eventually we will be awash in people who think they’re in good company.
Although our foe’s argument now lies in smoldering ruins a culture warrior still can’t
rest easy!
It’s not enough to simply crush my enemies, see them driven the before me, and to read
the lamentations in their comments.
I am so insecure in my worldview that I require constant validation and reinforcement from
others.
Otherwise who else will I share all of these “extremely funny and most definitely not
overused” memes with?
We need to win over everyone else to my side!
The best way to convince people to jump aboard is to insist that everyone else already has.
Climb onboard the bandwagon fallacy!
Yes the bandwagon is probably getting ready to hurtle over a cliff, but I’ll just leave
out that part.
There’s no pressure quite like peer pressure.
But what if my side isn’t really part of the majority and is in fact widely loathed
by pretty much everyone?
Well in that case just pretend there is a silent majority who secretly supports my side.
Yes this is an act of willful delusion, but is probably preferable to having a share a
crowed bandwagon, and lets be honest, they’re are way too many crowded bandwagons nowadays.
How else can I sell my extremely bad ideas?
The thing about selling ideas in that it must be properly branded.
Like, for example, It’s really easy to sell people eugenics when it isn’t called that
and instead ask them if they think that stupid people shouldn’t reproduce.
Just rebrand.
It’s not genocide, it’s a demographic reallocation initiative.
It’s not strategic bombing, it’s peacekeeping because there will be peace once there’s
nothing left but rubble.
Did that still not work?
Well is there a rough analog in nature?
If so, then just point that out.
It’s okay that I’m allowed to rip off senile old people because the strong preying
on the weak is all natural… you know like cancer and intestinal parasites.
Appeals to nature are always great so long as no one thinks about how horrible nature
is.
If someone though sees through this and cites a specific example of why this is stupid,
then it may be time to pivot away from the specific and to the broad and general.
Enter the glittering generalities fallacy.
My side isn’t bad because my side supports freedom, honor, and common sense!
Does that mean freedom to or freedom from?
That’s a big distinction.
What constitutes as honor can be very subjective on the individual level and even more so culturally.
Common sense tends to be a non-starter when used to try to find simple solutions for complex,
multifaceted problems.
But none of that matters because all those words have positive connotations and anyone
who opposes me also opposes freedom, honor, and common sense!
Claiming to have common sense is extra useful because it can appeal to the common folk,
or plain folks fallacy.
See, two fallacies for the price of one!
Just be sure to hide those luxury sport cars away before trying to convince people you’re
one of the plain folks.
Now if none of these are really moving people then it maybe time to break out the big lie.
In other words, if I’m going to lie, I might as well lie big and lie often.
The big lie works because of its audacity and is even more effective when used in large
enough quantities that it completely drowns out the truth.
Don’t forget to combine the big lie with scapegoating.
This group of weak people with no power are the secret cause of everyone’s problems
in spite of having no power or ability to cause said problems!
All we need now is to combine scapegoating and the big lie with the final ingredient
in this ultimate propaganda cocktail, fear.
Yes.
Good.
Old fashioned.
Fear.
Fear works so well when combined with scapegoating and the big lie because it creates an environment
where people’s emotions think for them.
That is the point of propaganda, to rob people of their ability to think for themselves,
for their own good of course, but mostly for my good.
Now we could just… not write propaganda?
You know, like a decent person would?
Which is what a looser would say.
Remember, the biggest mistake of writing propaganda is not falling for your own propaganda.
Lies are super useful and have no drawbacks whatsoever!
Why would anyone need accurate information in order to make informed decisions?
You know what they say?
Garbage in, diamonds out!
This makes it very useful to fall for your own lies especially in the pursuit of unchecked
power for power’s sake.
It’s not like when the lies add up, when delusion can no longer support the weight
of overwhelming inevitability, when its too late for practically to fix what ideology
broke, there will be nothing left…
Which is probably how much adsense revenue I’ll get for this video.