(upbeat music)
- This is my cover letter.
This is my detailed resume.
This is my abridged resume.
These are my headshots.
These are personal recommendations
from every single person I know
that shows you I have great character.
This is the word confident,
written out and printed multiple times
just to show you how confident I am.
- Uh, so about the job,
we need someone who can move boxes in a warehouse and fast.
- Totally, yeah, sure, I love boxes.
- [Female Announcer] Every job interview ever.
(upbeat music)
- Okay, so Mandy,
where do you see yourself in the next five years?
- Sheesh, five?
Five years? - Mm-hmm.
- I'm sorry, dude, I don't know,
that's way too far away to think about.
- Okay, no problem, how about three years?
- No idea.
- Next year?
- Not a clue.
- Six months from now?
Three months from now?
Next month?
Next week?
- You tell me, Charles.
- How about tomorrow?
- Tomorrow?
- Where do you see yourself tomorrow?
- Mmm, tomorrow, that's doable.
Okay, I can do that.
Tomorrow, I mean, I guess eating lunch.
- Nice.
- If I'm lucky.
- Oh, okay.
- I haven't been lucky lately.
(upbeat music)
- So I see you grew up in Texas.
- Yes, uh, I guess not everything's bigger there.
(laughs)
Because I'm short.
It's a joke.
- Oh, we already got an office jokester.
Speaking of which, Jamie can you get your patoot
off of that forklift?
Your OSHA violations are stacking up, buddy.
(music)
- So, what would you say your greatest weakness is?
- Oh that's a good one.
Um, poison.
Or, or bullets maybe.
- No, in an office setting.
- Dude, I mean--
(laughs)
Inside an office, outside an office,
it's always gonna be poison or bullets.
(laughs)
Wait why do you wanna know that?
(ominous music)
Who do you work for?
- Uh, Crypto Solutions?
Where you are--
- Crypto Solutions?
I've never heard that name in my life.
- Look where we are.
Look around you.
- So we're looking for someone
who's gonna be a real team player.
- Oh that's good, I played basketball.
(laughs)
It's a team sport.
That was a joke.
Another one.
- You don't look tall enough to play basketball.
- I was the mascot.
- Hey Mandy?
- Yeah, what's up?
- What's this big gap in your resume?
- Oh.
(laughs)
Sorry dude, I fell asleep on the space bar.
You ever do that?
- No, actually I don't.
- You should try it.
- Um--
- It's just so like, look how fluffy it is.
- Fluffy?
- It's the fluffiest keyboard.
- Is that your guitar?
Do you play?
- My son does.
- Oh that's amazing!
- I hate my son.
- Oh yeah, no me too.
I mean,
I play.
I don't hate your son.
I don't know your son.
But if I did, I would hate his guts.
If you wanted me to.
(hoots)
- Okay Mandy, how are you with Excel?
- I excel at all kinds of (beep).
- Okay, Word?
- Word.
- Outlook?
- Oh, I'd like to think positive.
- Goddamnit.
- Now, what are you thinking in terms of salary?
- [Voiceover] Okay Steph, you got this.
Just go big and be confident.
- I can do...5,
or fif-
fif- fifty...seven.
(high pitched noises)
J.
- Oh we can definitely do 75J.
- [Voiceover] What the (beep) did I just agree to?
- All right, Mandy, I'm gonna call your reference.
- Oh okay cool, go for it, yeah.
(phone beeping)
- Hello?
- You're your own reference?
- Yep.
That's right.
I advocate for myself, okay?
I'm my own boss and I don't take (beep) from nobody.
- I'm guessing your recommend I hire you?
- Oh, oh, no, no, no.
Hey look, between you and me,
this chick is a mess, okay?
Like, you gotta stay far away, she's crazy.
I heard she bites people.
Trust me.
Do you hear me?
Wait don't tell me I said that.
Are you still there?
- Mandy, Mandy, hang up, hang up.
- I think he hung up.
- I did, I did.
It was me, it was me calling.
- It was you?
- Yes Mandy, it was me calling.
- I have a lot of motivation, okay?
I show up everyday and I give my best.
I'm a fast learner, I'm a huge listener,
and I'm--
okay, okay yeah, we're done now.
- Yep, we'll let you know.
- Uh...
If I can be honest,
I really need this job.
I've had a really hard year
and I could really use a win.
- (laughs)
This job, a win?
You're hilarious.
- You finally laughed at me.
(beeping)
- Can I get some security?
I have Mandy Jones here.
- That's your computer.
- I have a sound system right here,
they'll be here in like one second.
- Okay.
- I think you should leave.
- I'm gonna call--
- Okay, you were about to call me out
and say something about this--
(laughs)
You (beep) (beep)
(laughs)
She almost did that and I was like,
"Don't you do it."
(laughs)
He said "that's a laptop,"
and you said--
(laughs)
- Security?
- The thing is I didn't even see this here,
but when I seen you reach up,
I was like "oh you (beep) face."
(laughs)
Because I was like "oh, like,"
she can't get her (beep) together
but she knows this is a sound system.
- I do.
Everybody knows this is the sound system.
- I didn't see it.
(laughs)
It's sitting behind my laptop.
That was funny.
I was like, "oh she better not."