Here's the deal man... you gotta stop being so nice... all the freakin time. All right. Listen,
I don't want this video to come off, where you leave and you're like ok, now it's time to be
an asshole. Because that's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying to be an asshole and that's not
going to help you out either. That's going to make things worse on a whole different level.
What I'm saying is, you don't always have to be so nice. Because at the end of the day, you
being nice, you're actually being a manipulator. What you're doing is you're putting on a front
that you're nice and you're giving a lot of compliments and you're being very people
pleaser-ish. It's not really a word, but you get what I'm saying. Being a people pleaser.
You are doing so much to get someone to like you. But you're not doing it. Because you're an
actual nice guy. You're just doing it to get the person to like you. You have some scheming of your
own here and you're looking for something and you're looking for an outcome. You're not this
genuine nice guy. But you're doing these things which are pleasantries, which are trying to get
her to like you. And they do not work because she sees right through that. She sees right through
that to the weakness. To the part of you that has low self-esteem and low self-worth. And she knows
subconsciously that you're acting that way because you don't like yourself. And no woman or person
has an easy time being attracted to you if you don't have that self-esteem. We all want to be
surrounded by people who like themselves. Why? Because we want to be surrounded by people who we
respect. It's not that you want that, where you're consciously saying "I want that", but you actually
want that. And if you're not around people who respect themselves, you don't feel good about
it. That's for sure. Do you have any friends that don't respect themselves, that are always putting
themselves down, self-deprecating? You're friends with them, but you don't respect that part about
them. Maybe you've known them long enough where you end up hanging out with them anyways. But
really, you want someone who respects themselves. And by the way (a complete side note) if you find
yourself liking hanging around people who are self-deprecating and have low self-respect,
that's because you're trying to feel better than them because you have low self-respect. It gets
pretty deep there, but I digress. Let's go back to what we're talking about here in terms of women
don't want to be hanging around you if you have low self-respect. And you show that by being too
nice. Also, I want to ask you this. Why are you being so nice? Why are you trying to chase her so
hard when you really don't know her yet? I get a lot of backlash from guys, especially clients that
I work with, that are trying to prove to me and they won't be able to do it, that they really know
her. That they really love her and they really like her and they're in the friend-zone. And they
they've known her for a long time. And they are convinced that this is the person for them.
But they really don't. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why you don't know
someone until you've been dating them. Because you only see someone
for who they are when you're in a physical, sexual dating relationship with them. Not when
you're just friends. There's so much more to the person when you're in this dating relationship
with them. My overarching point here is you don't know them yet so why you being so nice?
Instead, I don't want you to just be so nice all the time. Again, I'm not saying be an asshole.
I'm saying be more curious. You don't have to start trying to chase them so fast. Be curious
in who this person is. Who is this girl that you're meeting in front of you? On the approach?
Who is this girl that you're meeting offline and now you're finally on a date with them? Who is
this girl? Get to know her. Get to see if she's good enough to be with you. You don't need to be
so nice. And when I say nice, you know what I'm talking about. We're talking about the fake nice.
I'm not talking about being a decent human being. You should always be a decent human being. You
should be a person of morals hopefully. And you're not treating people like crap. What I'm saying
here is being that fake nice, the people pleaser nice, the thing that you're trying to do to get
a reaction out of them so they like you. What ends up happening too is if this works for you,
you actually end up getting stepped on and getting taken advantage of. So sometimes this does work.
You do find yourself in a relationship, you're dating someone or you're sleeping with someone.
Or you get some friends out of this whole persona that you're putting on.
It works a little bit. But then they end up taking advantage of you. And they step on you because
they know that they can because they know that you'll just say yes to whatever they request and
you'll do whatever they want to do and you'll agree with them on whatever they're talking about
and they like that and they like that person around and it feels good for them. And they'll
take advantage of you and it's a very one sided, imbalanced relationship between you and this other
human being. And it's terrible. My whole point here is, stop being so nice. Instead, be curious.
Tap into this part of yourself that's saying, why am I doing this? Why am I being so nice?
Where do I lack the self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect where I have to do that?
This can sometimes be a lot deeper. This is sometimes learned as a child. You learn that you
need to be nice to get things because you have a parent that
is potentially abusive or whatever the case is. There's a lot of different examples here.
And it's understandable that maybe you're in this position... I'm not trying to beat
you down for being this person who's trying to secretly not subconsciously manipulate someone.
But hopefully now you're aware of it and it needs to be changed. It needs to be changed. You need to
start working on that part of yourself that needs a little bit more of that love from you so you
don't end up being that guy who can be stepped on and chasing people for the wrong reasons.