- Cut the beat.
- Shut up! Shut up!
No!
- Talk your shit, little head!
- Your career never took off.
Literally. It stayed the same.
How you on season 15 wearing season one chains?
(crowd laughing)
- Hold on, hold on, hold on, all right.
- No! Shut up!
(all laughing)
Concede it!
You is not that dude!
You a grown ass boy with Crayola tattoos!
(audience cheering)
♪ Look, check me out ♪
♪ You know I got the fammer ♪
♪ Already know that I'm rocking a big hammer ♪
♪ It's kind of crazy, I be going (indistinct) ♪
♪ You already now that my spit I be trifling ♪
(audience cheering)
- Trifling.
- Shut up!
Shut up!
- [Nick] Too much medicine in his glasses.
- No!
♪ I be doing my thing ♪
♪ I ain't getting off ♪
♪ I'm rocking all supreme ♪
♪ And I've got it going on ♪
♪ I'm the man, I'm the sage (indistinct) ♪
♪ Look ♪
♪ You know I'm (indistinct) ♪
♪ I be doing this (beep) like a diamond ♪
♪ And I know I'm going half ♪
♪ You already know I'm (beep) on Instagram ♪
(indiscernible) (audience cheering)
♪ No, I ain't ever letting go ♪
♪ You already know (indiscernible) ♪
(audience cheering)
(man chanting)
♪ Look ♪
♪ Check it ♪
♪ You know I am the man ♪
♪ I'm a little boy so I chill in the sand ♪
♪ And you know I'm a paction ♪
♪ Best believe little boy about the action ♪
♪ Hey ♪
- Whoa!
Whoa!
♪ No, okay, look ♪
♪ Check it, I want me some Funions ♪
♪ Swear to god, I'll be smelling like a onion ♪
♪ I don't give a (beep) ♪
♪ Part ♪
♪ Matter of fact I'm inclined ♪
♪ I love me some art ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ This my girlfriend, Cory ♪
♪ We had sex and it was sloppy ♪
♪ But since she's twice my size ♪
♪ You can say she count as two whole bodies ♪
♪ Echo friendly reunion ♪
♪ Okay, look ♪
♪ Keep your fourth eye open ♪
♪ Baby girl, I'm your hypnotist ♪
♪ I know what you thinking ♪
♪ I going to be your psychologist ♪
♪ I can change the weather I'm a meteorologist ♪
♪ I can make you see better than me ♪
♪ I'm a ♪
- Optometrist.
- Yes! (audience cheering)
Okay.
Oh. Okay.
♪ Hey, this will solve all of your problems ♪
♪ But at the same time ♪
♪ Make it hard for you to get out of them ♪
♪ Back in the day, I used to be a biologist ♪
♪ Now I'm doing brain surgery ♪
♪ I'm your- ♪
- Psychologist?
(audience laughing) (buzzer beeps)
- She not going to get this.
♪ Look, she nervous, she scared ♪
♪ I need to do another procedure on your head ♪
- You're a surgeon?
(audience laughing) (buzzer beeps)
- [Man] Get out of there!
- Give me (indistinct)!
(audience cheering)
Give the people what they want to see.
Give me Little Head Cortez
(audience cheering)
(indistinct)
- If you don't get your little ear ashy lip,
wrinkle neck ass the (beep) up out of here, boy.
- Boy, you're head the same size as that little thing
on the inside of a sunflower seed.
(man spitting) (audience laughing)
- Hey DC,
I know where you got your slogan from.
You was walking around midtown with your ass out
and a (beep) was like, "Bring that ass here, boy."
(audience cheering)
- You know what? (beep) that, you're head so small
(indistinct) girl a ponytail, stupid ass.
(audience cheering)
- You the only (beep) I know with three shirts
and 65 pairs of pants.
You the richest homeless person I know.
(audience cheering) - Richest?
What you whoaing for?
Y'all know I'm (indiscernible)
(audience cheering)
(whistle blowing)
- Hey.
DC, that was funny, but it wasn't towards your opponent,
you are out!
(audience cheering)
To your point.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your nose. I'm sorry.
(audience laughing)
Justina. (audience cheering)
Give me Cortez. (audience cheering)
Justina, you ready?
- Ready.
Little Head Cortez, you ready?
- I'm, ready.
(indistinct)
I got glasses that's thicker than your ass.
(audience laughing)
- Cortez, you look like the (woman buzzing)
mosquito that started the Zika virus.
(audience groans)
- Your skin color the same color as bacon when it start out.
(audience laughing)
- Cortez, when I look at you,
all I hear is, E.T. phone home.
(audience laughing)
- That's why they parted your hair the wrong way
and I see all your tracks.
(audience cheering)
- Cortez.
Cortez-
- You. Out!
(audience cheering)
- Okay, okay, okay, listen.
I got a couple of rules, okay?
Two shakers and you're out.
Take too long and you're out.
Stay in your lane. Okay, that's all I ask,
just stay in your lane, okay?
Black squad, step it up.
Red squad, step it up. Come on
Bring it in, bring it in, come on.
(audience cheering)
Give me Maddie. (audience cheering)
Give me Cortez. Here, I want you here.
(audience cheering)
(indistinct)
- Cortez, you look like E.T. phoned home
and nobody answered. (audience laughing)
- If you get you goddamn pumpkin spice latte
pale face ass the (beep) up out of here.
(audience laughing)
- You look like you should be vibrating
on just Justina's night stand.
(audience laughing)
- You look like Justina before MTV loved her.
(audience cheering)
- You're a virgin. (audience cheering)
(whistle blowing)
- You out!
(audience cheering)
- Man.
Oh (beep), a Nick Cannon CD! (audience laughing)
- You don't even know what a CD is, little (beep).
Shut up.
(man sputtering)
(audience laughing)
- Hello, Earthlings, hello, hello.
(light beep) (audience laughing)
Oh, this swing is the (beep).
Man, I like this.
(light beep) (loud thud)
(audience laughing)
- Didn't mean to drop my man!
- Things Cortez gets mistaken for.
(audience laughing)
- Here we go. It's about me!
- I got you.
(loud ringing) What is
this button.
(audience laughing)
- Hold on, man. Wait, wait, wait.
(button ringing)
What is the joystick from Ms. Pacman.
(audience laughing)
- We are killing! (indistinct)
(button ringing) - Who is a cicada.
(button ringing) What is a big toe.
(button ringing) What is a nut sack.
- Let's go!
(button ringing)
- What is a light bulb.
(button ringing) - What is a house fly.
(button ringing) What is SpongeBob
with his jelly fishing glasses on.
(audience cheering)
(button ringing) What is a snapping turtle.
(button ringing) What is a sesame seed
on a hamburger bun. (audience laughing)
(button ringing)
- What is a titty nipple, stupid.
(audience laughing)
♪ It's my birthday ♪
♪ My name Cortez ♪
♪ I'm finally paid ♪
♪ And if you watching this (indistinct) ♪
♪ Don't you wish you stay ♪
♪ On my birthday ♪
♪ It's my birthday ♪
(audience cheering)
- Okay. Okay.
Okay. Dang this gone big, oh my god.
There's science,
history.
Excuse me, - Hello.
- Are you my geometry teacher?
Cause from this angle, you look acute.
(audience laughing)
(indiscernible)
♪ Hey, I am a nerd and I do my best ♪
♪ Hey, He-man, are you ready to take this test? ♪
♪ Wait, we had a test? ♪
♪ I thought that was later ♪
♪ Don't be no (indistinct) let me copy off your paper ♪
♪ Copy my paper? Man, I know you passed ♪
♪ Can you help me get girls I never had asked ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ You got on pink ♪
♪ And you're looking really girly ♪
♪ Take you in the bathroom and giving you a swirly ♪
♪ Giving you a swirl ♪
♪ Oh man, that ain't hard ♪
♪ In 10 years, you're going to be asking me for a job ♪
(audience cheering)
- And now to turn up.
- [Audience] Turn up for what?
- Because when I announce season 12 air
and the girls see me on it,
I'm gonna be one step closer to losing my virginity.
(audience cheering) (hip-hop music)
- Not with them moves.
(audience laughing)
- My daddy walked out of my life, but he'll be back.
(audience laughing)
I don't know if y'all can tell,
but I'm not a virgin no more.
But Nick,
was she supposed to be hard the entire time?
(audience laughing)
Cause I was wet. I was soaking wet.
Hey Nick, she made me squirt.
(audience laughing)
- Cortez got to go to timeout right now.
(audience cheering) - All right.
All right.
You are so gorgeous.
(audience laughing) (bell rings)
I mean, do you know what I would do with you
if I got you alone in the bedroom?
Girl, I would absolutely do nothing.
(audience laughing) I would do nothing at all.
Netflix and math, that's what I was gonna say.
(audience cheering)
All right.
Hey Nick,
glad to be on the show.
But can you tell them to stop making fun of my head?
I know it's the shape of a big toe, I know.
(audience laughing) (bell rings)
Cause the other day, Emanuel was like,
"Oh, I went home to my girl and gave her some Cortez."
I was just like, "What's some Cortez?"
He was like, "Some little head."
So I was just confused man, I'm just saying, bro.
I'm just saying, that ain't funny, bro.
(audience cheering)
I got this.
My daddy walked out of my life, but he'll be back.
(audience laughing)
I just wanted to be honest with y'all for a second.
Cause sometimes when I- (woman spitting)
(audience cheering)
(audience groaning)
- Emanuel, you don't know who all of that is.
You ate Nick water too.
(audience cheering)
- Did you see Cotrez's body?
Wait no, Cortez, come here, come here.
Now Nick.
I know you done seen a stray dog,
I know you done seen stray cats,
this (beep) is the world's first stray stretch mark.
(audience laughing)
- I'm like a sexy squid. Y'all better stop playing with me.
(audience cheering) (bell rings)
(man singing) (audience cheering)
- [Man] Hit it, Cor.
- How you doing, sweetheart?
I just want you to know that I appreciate you a lot.
You always leave the cereal down for me
so I can reach it.
When we leaving, you strap me in my car seat
for safety purposes.
And when you out on business, you leave your friends
that'll breastfeed me too.
(audience laughing)
So would you make me the happiest boy on my planet
and go to the school dance with me?
(audience cheering) - Yes!
(all singing)
- Hit it, Cor.
- Hey Quin, how are you?
- Hi, I'm good. How are you?
- I'm good. Look, the pass three days
has been the best three days of my life, you know?
You took me to the arcade and
you won a jackpot for me.
Ah, you were so focused.
(audience laughing)
All of your lady parts are so well developed.
(audience laughing)
Just don't be like the last girl.
What I'm trying to say is,
will you go to prom with me?
(audience cheering) - Yes!
- All right, Cortez, come here, buddy.
DJ D-Rec, keep the beat exactly the same.
(audience laughing)
♪ Yo, my bars are cold ♪
♪ You better seek shelter ♪
♪ How am I battling one of Santa's little helpers? ♪
(audience jeering)
- Okay. Okay. Check it. Check it.
Check it.
♪ Santa's little helper ♪
♪ That's a no, no, no ♪
♪ If I'm an elf then you one of Santa's ho, ho, (beep) ♪
(audience cheering)
(woman shouting)
- Look, look.
You know what, Cortez.
♪ I see you're not human ♪
♪ You an insect, my brother ♪
♪ Your daddy is a roach ♪
♪ And a beetle is your mother ♪
♪ You're daddy is a roach and a beetle is your mother ♪
- Shut up!
Shut up. According to my calculations, shut up.
(audience laughing) Okay. Okay. Okay.
Look. Look.
♪ Young swag there you go acting hard again ♪
♪ Why you up here looking like you a backyardigan? ♪
(audience cheering)
- Hey, hey, DJ D-Rec.
- [DJ] Yo? - Cut the beat.
- Shut up! Shut up!
No!
- Talk your (beep) little head!
- You're career never took off.
Literally, it stayed the same.
How you on season 15 wearing season one chains?
(audience laughing)
- Hold on, hold on, hold on. All right.
- No! Shut up! (audience laughing)
Concede it!
You is not that dude!
You a grown ass boy!
With Crayola tattoos!
(audience laughing)
- Can I go now?
- No! (all laughing)
Shut up! (audience laughing)
It's new school day!
(upbeat music)
- Well shoot, let's do it then.
Give me
Carlos and Cortez.
Carlos and Cortez. (audience cheering)
Okay, okay. From the red squad, give me
we going to keep it in the dirty south.
Give me Chico and Darren Brad. Come on, man.
(audience cheering)
Whoever gets the best wild and out bars
are the wild and out stars, let's do it.
(buzzer blaring)
- Big baby, you the man, you be putting in that work.
But show the world you got to-go plates
hidden under your shirt.
(audience laughing)
- Bro, this is something I really want to know,
why they got me battling Jordan off the Bernie Mac Show?
(audience laughing)
- My bad. My bad. My bad.
- Have you seen?
- That was funny.
- Listen, when it come to the Wildstyle battles,
you know I'm the one.
Los, I'm sorry they made you work on the day
you had to pick up your son.
(audience laughing)
Listen, you know when it come to the Wildstlyes,
I keep pimpin'.
Your girl said you got the world on your pants
because there's' nothing in 'em.
(audience cheering)
- I can still rap batter than you picking up my son
you're team make look like he about to have
a whole nother one.
(audience laughing)
I don't even know why you coming at me crazy
and talking all weird.
You should be mad at the dude
who been drawing on your beard.
(audience laughing) (buzzer beeping)
- Wait a minute.
- Hey, big baby, why you tripping?
We weren't even trying to be rude to you.
But this is what it looks like when you bite the hand
that feeds you.
- Hold on, let me. I got it.
(all laughing)
Hold on, let me, hold on.
I hope this next bar don't go over y'all head
because if wild and out was Nike
I'd be Jordan
and this (beep) Cortez.
- Yeah, it went over y'all head.
- That kind of went over your head.
That was fire. You felt that?
Nike Cortez?
(beep) you crazy?
- That's a beautiful shoe.
- Are you dumb?
Are you dumb?
- Yeah. You might be dumb. They might be dumb.
Carlos, you got to do this but digital
but you know you my homie.
- Yeah.
- It hurts me to let you know that your man
looked like the smiley face emoji.
His head big as (beep)
and it don't make no sense.
When we go to heaven, God going to be like,
"Why didn't you repent?
You got all the sins in your head.
Everything you ever did is in your head."
If you close your eyes and go like this-
- We heard you, it just wasn't funny.
- What the what?
What'd you say?
You sound like a nerd.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- We're getting physical - I'm picking on him.
I'm picking on him. - We're getting physical,
we're going to keep it with the bar.
(crosstalk)
- Your jersey's so tight
if you had a ball you couldn't shoot it.
You got that stupid ass coochie purse
and them shoes look stupid.
- I know you ain't talking about my outfit.
I thought we was friends.
You the only wild and out cast member
that got your pants from Citi Trends (beep).
(buzzer blaring)
- You look like the dude in front of the hotel
who asks you if you want want to park.
How in the hell you got tattoos
but got even more stretch marks?
(audience laughing) (buzzer blaring)
(indistinct)
Son, this is what happens when you come at out in public
and you don't put your bra on.
(audience laughing)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, okay.
No, no, no, no, no.
- Hold on. - No, no, no, no, no.
Y'all had y'all's chance but hey,
when it comes to these wild and out bars,
the black squad is the wild and out stars.
(audience cheering) (buzzer blaring)