Back in 2008 when we lived in Korea
we first started uploading videos to YouTube that were tutorials on how to do stuff in your life
Like how to throw out your garbage
or how to load up your subway card
or how to use your Korean washing machine
But now that we've been living in Japan, it's time for us to do a video in the spirit of how we started
Gonna give you a tutorial on how to wash your butt with Japanese toilets
[fart soundtrack]
Oh, I'm sorry
Were we in the middle of a - let me just put this back in my anime corner
Or my manga corner?
Or as everyone on the street calls it
maynga
Allow me to introduce you to my washlet, which came with the house
we didn't upgrade
this is like, kind of like a medium car of washlets I'd say [S: Yeah]
Not an economy, maybe like a sports or a compact, [S: I'd say this is like a, like a Saturn]
What up y'all, meemers needs you to [S: Evacuate the premises] Immediately
Someone needs to just - [S: Meemers has his own business]
He needs to use the toilet
[fart soundtrack]
Before we discuss toilet functions, I wanna show you something amazingly cool
So, uhm
this is the toilet paper station in Japan
That's literally how you change it, you just take it and you
pull it out, of these amazing little
flippity-flap dooda's
So you just take it and it goes, oh it's in now and you just let go and close it
Why am I -
So the basic features that you need to know are this spray function
'oshiri' (おしり), which to me looks like a battle ax or those
like grappling hooks you see in spy movies. [S: No, it's]
[S]: Okay, it just, it looks like a flower, okay, so it's got a stem in the middle [M: A flower?]
[M: but there's no bloom-y part] and its got two petals
It's like a tulip, it looks like a tulip, you could say
[M]: Some people have grappling hooks
some people see flowers, whatever tickles your fancy
But there have been cases that we've gone to washrooms in Japan
that are kind of like sleek and metal looking so you do need to know the symbol
The most basic toilet comes with that one button that you push, 'oshiri', which is your butt spray
It's kind of like a nice way of saying
'arse' or 'buttocks', maybe, like 'buttocks spray', I guess like what would be like the correct term for that?
[S: Uhmm I think it's your...]
'burt' spray! b-u-r-
So some people are a little creeped out about the idea
that there is something that comes out and sprays water because they're like
ew, that's gross, it's gonna be icky, but it's not
because it stays inside of the toilet safely and covered and it has like a little
sanitization function that's happening [S: Like a little turtle head] like a little turtle head!
That's a really nice way to say it!
If you sit down on it, it, and you press the button, then it goes [eeurningama] and so if you're like
'Oh, no, I don't want my butt sprayed', there's a stop button, square, you just push it
you just say stop
And then later on when you're finished with spraying
you can use a little bit of toilet paper just to kind of make sure that you don't have a damp butt
[S: There's a lot less toilet paper that you use as a result] Way less toilet paper!
and it's like super clean, it's, I love it
I love it~
Butt wait...
There's more!
Perhaps you had
extremely spicy indian food the day before
there is a button that you can press to adjust the pressure of the water
[S]: Do experiment with the different pressure settings, okay, no two buttholes are the same
Some like it really high intense spray and some like it really gentle, so fiddle around
find what works best for you and your butthole
and you will have a very pleasant cleaning experience
[M]: It's like a shower for your butthole
[S: Right] a nice warm shower
Our washlet even comes with a massage function, which I was very scared to press at first
Two little fists come out, I'm like, what is it going to be??
No, the water just kind of like pulses a little bit gently like a fountain
and you can also adjust the water temperature
Too icy cold or too super hot, and you might be like, 'Why would I need to adjust that?'
Well, let me tell you, bring it on back, Coco Curry level 10 curry spice burns
You're gonna want some cooling butt water
Butt wait...
There's more!
There's also a button that says bidet and it's meant to be specifically for women
The wand that's for spraying your butthole
will come out a little bit further and then it will spray other girly parts
I was a little bit confused about this at first because bidet to me was almost like
a universal term, like in Europe, they'll call - [S: Yeah] Right?
[S: In Europe. It's not just for women, it's for both] Right
Bidet just means kind of like unisex
It's nothing to do with it being male or female
it's simply just the location of the wand
Have you ever been up in the middle of the night in the winter
and you go to the washroom and you sit down and it's icy freezing cold
Not a worry here because both of our toilet seats in our house, upstairs and downstairs, are heatable
Yeah!
We have a button that can toggle it on and off, so in the winter time, we have the warmest cosiest seats
Never thought I'd be sitting on the ground, filming a video in my toilet, but here I am
Living the life, making my family proud
[funky dance music]
[toilet flushing sound]
I think it's very important to note that not all Japanese toilets are the same
While in North America a lot of the toilets are pretty functionally identical
in Japan they have lots of different brands
Recognisable ones like Panasonic, and even what they consider the Apple of toilets, Toto toilets.
[M: ᵀᵒᵗᵒᵒᵒ]
[M: We have been looking for a Toto sponsorship forever]
It is my dream video to be able to show you a ten thousand dollar toilet
[M: ᶦ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵀᵒᵗᵒ]
[M]: Hey ducky [S: Yes]
Do you remember the first time we ever saw our first gourmet Toto toilet
You rushed up to me and you said to me 'girl, you need to go to the washroom right now'
[S]: Now what - what I want to ask you is, for those of you watching, I have
favourite toilet experiences
Like I've had enough that I could actually rank [M: Rank them!] really positive ones
Do you have any toilet experiences which are like, 'Wow, that was a great time'?
I have that all the time in Japan
I can even rank my favourite ones
In Fukuoka, was my best toilet experience ever
[M Me too!] Right!?
You walk up to the toilet
and then as soon as you do it senses that you're coming and the seat lifts up
It's got like this ultraviolet light
that's all on the inside as well, that's disinfecting everything
You sit on it, it's almost kind of like it knows your body better than you know your body
Alright, it's like, it's like -
[M: But you know you're, you, you -]
a Latin lover
Simon is getting distracted in the weeds here
UV thing that he's talking about, is real, they have like
nanotech technology, where it coats the toilet bowl after each use
so prevents things from sticking
and it removes stains automatically when you walk away
It like closes it and just does its own thing - like
What?!
I think it's easier to think of Japanese
toilets as different kinds of cars
Like you could have the economy car that just has like the basic functionality
Or you can go like really luxury and high-end when it comes to your car
and you can spend a lot more and have a great experience
With that in mind, I'd like to say the North American toilets are like the horse-and-buggy
All right, we need some kind of industrial revolution to happen in North America
because y'all are living in medieval times
For real, the first week when you and I come back in Canada, we walk different
It's almost like those videos when you see, like you put socks on cat's feet and they walk weird
I don't feel right within the first week of using a Canadian toilet
[M: And what do we do to cope with it?]
We usually get wet wipes
[M: baby wipes] We bring baby wipes with us everywhere because
just wiping your butt with dry paper is not enough
Think of it this way, if you're walking by and a bird takes a dump on you
or you happen to walk past a hippo that does a
spinning tail thing and you get some poop around you
or if you're just around a human baby
you know, that if you get poop on you, you can't just wipe it away with dry paper
That's not enough
you're gonna run for the sink, you need water
Your butthole deserves the same treatment that your arm would if it gets covered in poop
Alright [M: ˢᵃʸ ᶦᵗ ˢᶦᵐᵒⁿ] your butthole
Is not a second-class citizen [M: ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ] of your body!
You treat that with the respect that it deserves!
And wash your butt the right way, with a Japanese toilet
Welcome
[loud Meemers meowing]
Welcome
[more meowing]
Welcome to our upstairs bathroom
almost identical to our downstairs bathroom
however we don't have the cool shelf with all of our books here
[M]: It's so small that in order for me to buy soap
I had to buy that magnetic suction cup thingy, and you shove your soap into it
[S]: I can literally touch both walls with my elbows, very very easily [M: Very tight]
Oh hello
Do you want to be in this video too? Come on in!
You want scritches? Alright, come here you're a part of the video now
[Meemers: No, alright, well]
A very interesting fact for you to note is that
even though these toilet seats aren't on every single Japanese toilet
they're still on majority of them
81% of toilets as of 2016 have these little washlet systems on them
[M: In Japan that is] In Japan, that's correct
I just got very distracted by my
[M: Adorable cat] cute cat licking my face
Okay, come on, I'm trying to - I'm trying to put food on the table here
So these washlets are very common
However, you will notice that in Japan
a lot of the toilets have outlets right beside them
because these washers operate on electricity, so, some countries
I think there are some rules in which you can't have an outlet that close to the toilet
so I'm not sure if this is as easily translatable elsewhere
But in Japan if you buy a toilet
you'll probably see a socket, and not in many other countries
Why are you standing?
[Meemers: I just wanna be a part of the video]
What?
You're a cat, on all fours please
The one thing that Japanese toilets haven't solved yet
The witch's kiss
and if you know, you know
[M: ...I don't know]
Well, then it's not a problem that bothers you is it
I can't, he's too cute
Go away
Is that our fat cat [Meemers: Excuse me, pardon me]
squeezing his way through our tripod [Meemers: If you could just get out of the way mum] with your jelly belly -
There's one function in Japanese toilets that I actually don't agree with
There's a button that you can push that will play a sound
that will mask the fart sounds that you make as you're letting them rip
I find this completely unnecessary
[M]: Wow I am baffled with your commentary on this
[S: Well think about it this way- ] I absolutely love it
The flushing water sounds, the rushing meadow sounds
[S]: When you go to an opera and you sit down you expect to hear opera
When you go to a toilet, you should expect to hear some shit
You don't have to cover that up.
[M]: Yeah, I just don't wanna hear it
It's not that complicated, I don't wanna hear it.
If everyone -
[S]: If you had the choice of listening to opera everywhere you go, then why not?
That sound that you're talking about, was I think invented by Toto
They made, like, a button that was called like the princess sound
and it had different kinds of sounds that would help cover up noises, because they found that
women in Japan were flushing the toilet up to two times
in order to cover up the sounds
Which I did totally the same
Please let me know in the comment section if you've ever been like, 'isn't gonna be a good one'
And sometimes it's an automatic sensor that just goes off automatically
and it sounds just like flushing water
So nobody can tell the difference, because all the toilet stalls are going
[fwoosshhh]
They even have volume control
So if you've had an especially bad day, you're like cranking up the volume, you have like -
[S]: Pump the beats DJ!
I'm about to drop a hot one!
Thank you for watching our video on Japanese toilets
We contemplated how we were going end this
This is the best we've literally came up with [M: How do we end this?]
I hope that you feel encouraged now to embrace the beauty of Japanese toilets [M: Yeah]
Don't be afraid when you get on there
none of the buttons that you push are gonna do anything wrong
There's no eject button
there's no probe button
You'll be fine and you come out a lot cleaner, a lot fresher, and a lot more pep in your step
as you progress with your day
[M]: Hey, good job on that conclusion [S]: Thank you
[M]: I would not have been able to pull that out of my butt
Speaking of pulling things out of your butt
I'm curious about what toilets are like in your country
Like do you guys have bidets? Do you have washlets?
Do you use that water pail?
Please, let us know in the comment section below, and let us know what country you're from [S: Yes]
[S]: 'Speaking of pulling things out of our butts'? [M]: It just seemed about right
[S]: That's a good one [M]: You're talking about butts, you know
We were actually trying to figure out different puns for washroom where we could've
Like when you when you say I have to go make a deposit
and then everyone's like 'what do you mean?' and you go to the washroom?
When you're like, I need to remove some money from the ATM, or I need to
What are they, what are those things
Leave a
golden turkey(?) in the toilet, isn't it? Sister? [S]: You've had a long day, you've had a long day
There you go
Hush little one, only sleep now
[Both]: Woah - h - hh [singing to background music]
Yep, we survived the typhoon so we could give you a video about how to wash your butt
If you want to learn a little bit more about Japanese culture
we did this interesting TL;DR on how to recycle
Also very confusing here in Japan
Or if you like we got some bloopers
so make sure you click on them here if you want some more laughs
Bye bye!