- We're drinking something.
- We're drinking alcohol.
- I couldn't tell you what it is.
- It's alcohol, John. - But I want more.
(upbeat music)
- I can never manage the full pint.
I'm more of a wine drinker, but I want to.
- You can never manage a full pint of cider?
- Don't really, I don't drink cider,
but I don't hate it.
- I'm kind of drunk. (laughing)
- What's that? Me too.
We haven't even had a beer yet.
- I just haven't eaten nothing all day.
You know how it is. - Yeah.
(energetic music)
Bulmers!
Always a classic! - Yay!
- You're right, temporary and all.
- Yeah? - You know too much
about cider. - But, everyone knows that.
- It gives me diarrhea. - Does it?
- Mm. - That's absolutely lovely.
(laughing)
- Gotta love Bulmers.
- Is it a funny color or it just me?
- I've had the, I remember the old branding.
- Yeah. - How long has this
been changed? - Made with 17
varieties of apple.
That's a lot.
I didn't even know there were 17 varieties.
- Neither did I, but who cares?
- How long have I been out
of the cider game? - 'Bout three years.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- A mess is everywhere. - A friend of mine,
who should remain anonymous,
a lady friend, put three out of four cubicles
out-of-order in a night club.
- I haven't had Bulmers now in...
Since someone's 18th birthday.
- Oh, we're taste testing this stuff.
I was just about to just drink this
as if nothing was happening. - Do!
- I was just sitting at a desk.
- I don't know if you drink Bulmers...
- It smells like,
oh, it smells like you pee.
It smells like music festivals.
- It smells like piss, actually.
- Does it? - Yeah, a bit.
- Wouldn't ya sip that all day now?
- I don't know if you drink Bulmers
to forget your problems or create new ones.
(groaning)
- I was only talking to me mate about this,
'cause it's so... - Oh, my god!
- That's the crack. - Is that what your tattoo is?
Did you get the metallic... - No! God, no!
- It tastes like the inside of the can is rusty.
- Aye. - Doesn't it?
- It just tastes like me teenage years.
Though I have no taste.
It doesn't even taste like apple to me anymore.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Oh my god. - It just brings you
straight into summer, doesn't it?
- It's like sucking an apple.
- It is, isn't it? - That gets ya hammered.
(upbeat music)
Yes!
- Woo!
Into the back of the net. - Orchard Thieves!
- Orchard Thieves!
- It's more...
- Oh, this is more piss colored,
isn't it? - Piss colored, yeah.
- Isn't it? - I presume these are all
going to taste the exact same.
- Just clap for it.
Just clap. - I'm not.
- Join me. - It's new.
It's only been on the market for what, a year?
Something like that.
- Probably, yeah, a year or two. Yep.
- A-1.
But you'd only want to drink like one or two.
- It does smell more pissy.
- No, I think it smells better.
I think it smells like apples.
- We have different nostrils, then.
- Bulmers could have been our childhood
but this is our present.
- Absolutely.
- See what we did there.
- Kinda looks like a cherry as well.
Doesn't look like an apple. - No! No.
- Yes, it does. - I think it smells lovely.
I think that smells like apple juice.
- Do ya? Let me...
- Is this apple juice?
- Apple that they make this cider from, red apples.
- I know what a red apple looks like.
I'm saying it looks like a cherry.
(laughing)
No, Ryan, these are red apples.
- It's a lot paler.
- It is.
- Visibility is quite high.
- I can see you. - Yeah.
- Do you know, I actually prefer that to Bulmers.
- Do ya? (groans)
- Yeah, I do. - Let me taste.
- This is nicer than Bulmers.
- Yay! (laughing)
- Much nicer than Bulmers.
- So much nicer, I'm obsessed with it.
- Oh, lads. - Oh.
- It just makes you so proud to be Irish.
- 'Cause it's just, it's so good.
- We made that
- In Ireland, this is 1.8 units of alcohol.
But in the UK,
its 2.3 units. - How?
Is gravity different over in the UK or something?
- How can you work out units when you're hammered?
- Exactly!
(laughing) What are they thinking?
- You know when you drink really nice,
good apple juice,
and you have the aftertaste of pure apple.
You get that with this, don't you?
- I feel like I'd never drink this on the regular, so.
- Ah, you're lying.
- It's still nicer than Bulmers, though.
- It's more sickening, though. It is.
'Cause I've tried it on nights out.
- Yeah, do you know what?
I couldn't probably drink... - Yeah, it just,
it just turns your stomach. - You couldn't drink
it all night, like.
- (moans) Yeah!
- Now I just sound like a pervert.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)
♪ When you're too broke to afford anything else ♪
♪ It's Druids. ♪
- Oh my god! - Ah, Druids!
- This brings me back.
- (groans) Just the look of it.
I haven't drank this in, like,
six or seven years, I'd say.
- That's not true. You're sure it's closed?
(both laughing)
- The things this does to your arsehole is unbelievable.
- Does it? - I'm sorry, yeah, oh my God.
- We, we met Scott.
Me and Scott got on the back of the bus
with like two liters each.
Skulled, and we were absolutely hammered.
Great lineup. - Yeah, it does it, yeah.
- Oh, come here, it's so... - Oh, no,
I tried this when I was a young lad.
I swear me howl is hurting now, looking at that can.
(laughing)
- Oh!
- Smells like an actual... - It actually smells.
- 18th century Druid's liquids.
- It smells like soil.
(laughing)
- That's just beautiful! - Oh, yeah!
(blurbling sounds)
- I do not like this, and yet I keep on drinking it.
- I do not like it, also.
And yet I keep on drinking it.
- It's actually not as bad as I remember,
but I also think that the taste of the two cans
that I've had before,
have probably masked my palate, so.
- This is nicer than the other two.
- Well, I tell you one thing. - It's nice.
- For false advertising.
(indistinct) (laughing)
- If we had it first, would you like it?
- No.
- This fucking does not taste like magic.
- Serve child? Oh, chilled.
(both laughing)
- Serve with child.
- I don't like it.
- No, I don't, either.
(laughing)
- Have a little bit of an upset tummy
after that one.
- Have you, yeah? - Yeah, a little bit,
you know? - Hmm.
- Hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
(upbeat music)
- Is this an Irish cider?
- [Cameraperson] It's the newest cider.
- The newest cider!
- Pressed cider.
- I thought it said depressed cider.
I was like, Jesus.
- I mean, you will be depressed after drinking it,
'cause it's probably gonna be shit.
- The design is lovely.
- Yeah. - It's like.
♪ We're a little cider ♪
♪ Look at us ♪
- All right, it's time to find out
how you like them apples.
Am I right?
♪ Drink us ♪
♪ We're little apples ♪ - Looks like, kind of, like...
♪ You won't punch anybody on your way home ♪
♪ If you drink 10 of us ♪
But you probably would.
- That's making quite a piss noise. (chuckles)
- Ooh. Liking the smell of it!
- It's like a mix of Bulmers
and Orchard Thieves together.
It's lovely.
- She doesn't wanna say it's great
for some reason.
- It's... - But she doesn't...
(both laughing)
- Oh, I think, partly, it's nice because of this
You look at that and it's nice.
- No, I like the smell.
- Okay. - I'm gonna say something
very controversial.
- Go on. Hit me.
- I don't think Bulmers is cutting it
as much Thieves and Appleman's.
- She's like, "Oh, this is great.
"But I don't want to say it,
"for some reason." - No, it's good!
It's good.
- It's really nice.
- It's really good and you should try it.
Try it.
- Try it.
- You actually look disappointed.
- No, I am disappointed- - Ugh, I found something
nicer in life, fuck! - Orchard Thieves was my bae!
(chuckling)
- The only problem is, when you're ordering a drink
and you're in a bar in Dublin, you'd be like,
hey, over here!
Can I get an Appleman, man?
- 7 out of 10 for me.
- There you go now.
- 'Cause I'm not a big cider fan, but it's nice.
- Will you stop rubbing your nipples?
- I don't know. (laughing)
I'm just having a little feel.
- So, when would you drink Appleman's?
- Uh, never. No, I don't like cider, but you know.
(laughing)
- It feels nice.
- We'll be back after,
after this short short commercial break.
- Commercial Blake!
(vocalizing) - Blake, I can't do this
(indistinct) again.
- Don't like cider, really.
Bulmers was terrible.
Orchard Thieves was nicer, but too sweet.
The third one was kind of bad.
- Orchard Thieves is the nicest cider-
- Cider. - Ireland has.
- I'm really sorry, Bulmers.
- Bulmers, for me, was my favorite.
And, definitely, I'd agree, Druids was just off.
- My, my drinking career started with cider.
- I don't think I'll order cider.
- You knew a lot about cider, though.
- I used to drink a lot of cider,
when I was younger.
- But I've moved on since then.
- Yeah. We've grown up.
- I love cider! It's great.
And it's cider-y and it's alcohol-y.
And you, you get a bit drunk and it's good.
- And you get one of your five a day with the apples.
- Exactly.
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