- Let's just do a double check
that everything in the background looks clean.
So I don't get in trouble with the TikTok Lesbian.
(laughs) This so weird. (placid music)
Hey guys (coughs), damn, I edited the cough out
of my last video by accident.
I edited it out and I forgot to put it back in.
So, there's no cough in the last video.
Here, have an extra (coughs).
That one's on me.
How's everybody doing today?
How are you, how are you guys?
I'm still here (laughs) in the U.K.
Oh, but Alayna, I thought you said you were in France.
I was (laughs).
I don't film a lot of Q and A's.
I don't do videos like this a lot
because I feel like they're,
quite frankly, I feel like they're boring,
but I understand that you guys
have a lot of questions right now (laughs).
I have a lot of questions right now.
So, maybe answering a few of them in video format
will be beneficial for us both.
Maybe we can both find some answers,
get some clarity on what's going on,
because I don't know either, I don't know either.
I went on my Instagram and I asked you guys for questions.
If you don't already follow me on Instagram,
what are you doing, why not?
What have I ever done to hurt you (laughs)?
Whenever I do videos like this,
I get all my questions from Instagram.
I'm also on there, all the time, wearing shirts like this.
I'm gonna try and answer the juicy ones.
Let's share and be vulnerable.
We're trying new things this year.
Vulnerability is one of them.
Are you dating?
Yeah, I am.
Yes (laughs).
Do you have a girlfriend?
No, no, I do not.
Not sure if it's too personal, are you polyamorous?
Not too personal.
Thank you so much for your question.
I don't think so, I don't think so.
We're doing these rapid fire, just lightning round.
Did you move to the U.K. or will you go back to Canada?
Okay, so (laughs) I will go back to Canada.
I haven't moved here permanently,
but I am here still and don't have a return ticket, so.
Also I've been overseas now for like two months?
No.
Yes (laughs).
I've been here for multiple months.
I don't have a return ticket.
I don't know what qualifies as moving somewhere.
I guess I've moved here temporarily.
Have you kept in contact with ahem at all?
Okay, I do want to address this briefly.
I've gotten a lot of comments and a lot of questions
about my ex partner and how come I don't about him,
or how come when I do, I don't say his name.
He never wanted to be a part of this.
Being on social media, being online
is something that I have always loved,
something that I built, something that I want for my life.
He didn't ask for any of that.
And so, my not talking about him
is not because we're on bad terms.
It's not because he's no longer a part of my life,
or I'm trying to avoid the subject or anything.
It's literally just that I'm trying to respect his privacy
and respect the fact that he never asked for any of this.
So, to clear up a few things for the last time directly,
him and I are great, he's great.
He's moving on, (laughs) he's doing great.
I just wanna respect, and I ask that you guys respect too,
the fact that he doesn't want his life online (laughs).
How's lesbianism going?
Pfft, it's excellent.
Like A plus, would highly recommend
to anyone considering it.
Can I leave a five star Yelp review on lesbianism?
Is there an app for that?
Is there a website I can go to and write an opinion piece?
How are you practicing self care during quarantine?
So many different ways.
The biggest thing I would say
that has the most consistently positive effect
on me is getting outside.
I'm trying to get outside as much as possible,
obviously to go to places that where there's no people.
Sitting outside for a few minutes, meditating,
reading a book, but to try to be a bit more vulnerable,
I've talked about my body stuff,
and then my food and exercise stuff a bit on this channel.
I've touched it.
It's been rough in quarantine, if I'm being honest.
Ooh, I don't know how much to share.
This is the constant struggle of the online content creator.
It's like, how much do you share (laughs)?
How much is too much?
It's my mah (laughs)...
It's been bad, my eating stuff, body image stuff
has really reared its ugly head in quarantine.
I think it's due to a lack of consistency.
Obviously, I've been on a bit of a roller coaster
over here since March, haven't we all?
And my body image stuff has been right there
on the ride along with me.
And so, remaining in therapy
has been a huge form of self care.
And that's why I'm excited to share
with you the sponsor of this video, BetterHelp.
You guys know I have worked with BetterHelp for years.
They're one of my favorite companies to partner with.
For any of you who aren't familiar,
BetterHelp provides online counseling.
They provide this worldwide,
and all of their therapists without exception,
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There are four main ways that you have access
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You can send messages back and forth.
You can live chat like typing (laughs).
But you can also schedule phone calls or video chats,
if you prefer, I always video chat.
'cause I like the face to face interaction.
But my favorite feature about BetterHelp
is that when you're choosing a counselor,
you put in all the things that you're looking for
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That took so much of the anxiety out
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knowing that I could go into a session
as kind of like a test run.
And if I wasn't into it, you just click a button
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So, if you've been thinking about trying counseling,
or you're looking for some extra support during quarantine,
I'd highly recommend checking it out.
You can go to betterhelp.com/alayna, and you get 10% off.
Check out some counseling, take care of you, you deserve it.
Again, I have used BetterHelp myself.
They also get my stamp of approval,
just like lesbianism (laughs).
Next, what's going on?
I don't know either (laughs).
Come to Denmark, would you ever come to Ireland?
Where to next?
I have a lot of questions like that
of people asking me to come to various countries.
And unfortunately, the answer across the board is no,
at least not right now.
When I came to France, cases were going down,
and that's just not where we're at anymore.
And so, no more travel for me.
That's why I've been here for the past month.
I've been in the U.K. for a month already.
What is going on?
And the whole time that I've been here,
I've been staying with the TikTok Lesbian.
And it's somewhere that I'm able
to be safely and responsibly.
Now is not the time for me to be country hopping.
So, I guess I live in the U.K. now (laughs).
Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
Crunchy, is that even a question?
Who likes smooth peanut butter?
Not a question, just an observation.
These days you move with a new ease.
It's amazing to see.
Thank you, I feel it, I feel it.
God, lesbianism, man (laughs).
Thoughts on hands?
I have always been into hands, red flag,
but I will never look at them the same (laughs).
How do you feel about using lesbian compared to gay?
This is an interesting question.
In my original coming out video or right at the beginning,
I said that I don't connect to the word lesbian
and that I prefer the word gay.
And then, I learned so much, as always,
from you guys in the comments
about the history of the word lesbian
and the way that the modern rejection of the word lesbian
comes from it's oversexualization
and the importance of the history there.
When I said that my only qualm with the word lesbian
is that it is exclusionary to non-binary folks
in that there are non binary folks
who don't identify as women,
and so to say that I am just a lesbian
or just a woman loving woman,
period, full stop could be read
as exclusionary to non-binary folks.
But even that being said,
I had a ton of folks in my comments telling me
that there are non-binary folks who identify as lesbian
and lesbian isn't exclusionary to non binary folks.
But, but I've also heard non-binary folks saying
that the word lesbian feels exclusionary to them.
So, a lot to unpack there (laughs).
I guess for me personally, I'm okay with all of it.
I'm happy with the word lesbian
because I wanna respect that history.
And it does describe me, I am a woman loving woman.
I also like the word gay because it feels inclusive.
It feels all encompassing.
And I still love the word queer.
I love the kind of fluidity that that word allows for.
Any of those, any of those work for me.
Will you do a U.K. meetup?
I get this question a lot too.
No, my dude, COVID.
Read any good lesbian books lately?
I am currently re, oh, (laughs) sorry.
I was gonna grab my book,
but I'm using it as a part of my tripod.
I'm reading "The Price of Salt" right now
by Patricia Highsmith.
And it's so good so far.
My only question, how old is Carol?
Because we've established that Therese is 19.
How old is Carol?
What makes a woman attractive to you?
Confidence and humor.
Oh, I got a lotta questions about the cats.
The cats are fine.
When I drove out to Manitoba to visit my family,
I brought the cats with me
and I left Bear and Blue there with family.
So they live, (laughs) they live in Manitoba now.
And then I took Boogz back with me to B.C.
and she's currently there living with my friends.
So, they're all in good hands.
(laughs) So, when are you getting your IUD out?
Oh, she's gone, she's been out.
I'm gonna do a whole video on that, yeah.
Bout TikTok girl, obviously.
We don't call her TikTok girl.
We call her the real life TikTok Lesbian, get it right.
How have you been like really actually?
This made me wanna cry (laughs).
I'm really good.
I really good.
And then, sometimes I'm really bad (laughs).
It's weird, this is weird.
I feel more myself than I have ever felt in my entire life,
but I also feel lost and confused and alone.
I go back and forth between feeling excited
about the potential of the future
and feeling scared at not knowing the future.
How did being in a male, female relationship
for so long affect who you are now as a lesbian?
Oh, what a question.
How do I put this?
I thought I had it good before
because I did have it good before.
I had a beautiful relationship with a wonderful man,
and it was great except
for the part where I was gay the whole time (laughs).
I thought I had it good then,
but having been in that situation for so many years,
for my whole life,
I can really appreciate where I'm at now.
I just never thought I would get to live this life.
I never, I just never thought I always wanted it.
Didn't think that I could have it.
'Cause I thought I made my choice.
Turns out you are in control of your own life.
No choice is permanent.
If something's not working,
you are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to make a new choice, who knew?
Does it annoy you when people say you have lesbian hands?
No, not at all.
That is the highest compliment, thank you very much.
Yorkshire tea, yes or yes?
Yes, oh my God, yes, Yorkshire tea with oat milk.
How have I lived this long without it?
I've lived this long without a lot of things
that are now very important to me.
Yorkshire tea is one of them.
How was your first time with a girl (laughs)?
This is one of those questions
that I actually have been avoiding answering.
If you go back through my old videos,
especially my collabs with Willow and Bree,
you see me swerve the question
of sleeping with women so many times,
because nobody knew about my open relationship.
Nobody knew about the non-monogamy.
And so, I couldn't talk about sleeping with women
because I knew that that would expose way too much
about my relationship that I wasn't comfortable talking
about on the internet, but now I can, no more hiding.
So, I consider myself to have multiple first times
because there's so many different experiences
that I count as a first.
The first time I ever slept with a woman,
we didn't know we were doing, right?
We thought we were straight.
We thought we were just such close gal pals (laughs).
So, that was a very different experience than the first time
that I slept with a woman knowing that I was queer.
And that was a different experience
than the first time I slept with another queer woman.
And then even beyond that,
there's first times that I'm having.
So, what was it like the first time I slept with a woman?
It's like every time, it's the first time (laughs).
That's not true.
Let's say, let's go with the first time I slept
with a queer woman.
I went home and cried forever because I felt so validated,
and I felt so cared for because women are amazing.
Women are amazing.
Also though, going into it, I was terrified.
Didn't know what I was doing.
Didn't know what I was supposed to be doing.
So, I just followed her lead.
That's my piece of advice for any of you who are worried
about sleeping with women for the first time.
Just follow her lead.
Maybe I should do a whole video on that yet too.
'Cause I have a feeling like I have a lot more
to say on the subject.
This video is getting long.
Oh, how was your heart?
My heart is warm from that question, thank you.
How do you think last year Alayna would react to you now?
Last year Alayna could never (laughs).
Last year Alayna would have a conniption.
Wow, how do I feel like an entirely different person?
How has your life changed now
that you're openly gay instead of bisexual?
This isn't related to no longer identifying as bi,
but to identifying as the label
that really feels true to me.
I just couldn't give two (beep) anymore.
I don't care what people think.
My dad said something that really struck me the other day.
He said that I've always listened
to so many different voices when trying to figure out
what I should do.
And that now, it seems like I'm listening to my own voice,
really for the first time.
And he's so right.
Did you and Dallas broke up?
Because I don't see him anymore in your feed.
Where have you been (laughs)?
Do you do hand specific exercises?
How do I get my hands to look as gay as yours?
I think, I don't, no, I don't.
That's au natural, baby (laughs).
Will you marry me?
Yeah, okay, sounds good (laughs).
Are you coming back to France one day?
One day, the whole dream was live in France,
practice French, and that is still on the bucket list
once it's safe.
And let's end it on this one.
How are you feeling about dating
after a longterm relationship?
I feel mixed, it's strange.
Dating is weird (laughs).
It's a lot.
It's this mix of feeling excited to have a type of space
that I haven't had for years.
The type of space you just don't generally have
in longterm relationships, and excitement about exploring,
but also mixed with not knowing what the hell I'm doing.
(laughs) I don't know how to date.
I was in a relationship for so long, I don't know the norms.
I don't know the etiquette (laughs).
Sure, I can flirt, no problem.
But how long do you wait after a date to call somebody?
When does it go from we're going on dates to we're dating?
How do you go from we're dating to this is my girlfriend
or this is my significant other?
The idea, oh, here's just some real talk
to close this video out.
The idea of making somebody else my significant other
terrifies me because my only other example
of that really was the past 10 years of my life.
So, I guess my answer is that I feel excited about dating.
I feel scared and intimidated by having a new partner.
And that's the thing that I would love
to hear your experiences on in the comments below
for today's video.
How did you go from a longterm relationship to dating,
to finding new relationships?
And I think that's all the questions I'm gonna answer today,
because Jesus, this is long.
Once again, a huge thank you to BetterHelp
for sponsoring this video.
If you go to betterhealth.com/alayna,
you can get 10% off,
and you're not only doing something for your own wellbeing,
your own mental health,
but you're helping to support me and my channel.
So, thank you.
And another huge thank you to my VIP Patrons,
my vitally important producers.
You guys make this channel go round.
I love you all very much.
Thank you for watching,
and I'll see you in the next one, bye.
My dad doesn't like my clothes anymore,
neither does my mom I don't think (laughs).
But I do, and that's what matters.
And you guys do.
And arguably, your opinions matter more than my parents'.
That's objectively not true.