initiating conflict resolution how to plan an effective opening statement
being in conflict with someone is never easy however it is usually better to
acknowledge the conflict and work to resolve it than it is to avoid it when
you want to initiate a conflict resolution process with another person
it is best to use a win-win problem-solving approach this means that
you will be able to state your views and needs listen carefully to the other
person's views and needs and then work together to find a solution agreeable to
both a model for initiating win/win conflict resolution plan an approach
that includes an assertive "I" statement that identifies your concerns about the
situation present your statement to the other party let the other party respond
agree on the conflict develop alternative solutions make an agreement
for change
the first and most important step is to plan an assertive I statement that you
can use to approach the other party this step requires the initiator to think
through why the conflict is of concern to him or her and what his or her needs
are in the situation by phrasing the concerns into an "I" statement the
initiator will establish a problem-solving atmosphere maintain his
or her role in the conflict not blame the other keep him or herself focused
and calm and reduce the potential defensiveness of the other party
an assertive "I" statement uses the BCF model B equals behavior that bothers you
C equals consequences of that behavior on you f equals your feelings about the
situation a BCF statement only describes the problem from your point of
view it does not introduce possible solutions
it does not attack the other person on a personal level the formula is when you
state your behavior I feel state feelings because state
consequences for example when you interrupt me at meetings your behavior I
lose my train of thought the consequence and that makes me feel foolish in front
of the team my feelings the order of the BCF statement does not matter as long as
all of the components are included for example I feel frustrated my feeling
when you keep coming back with more instructions after I've started a
project your behavior because then I have to redo what I've already done and
that wastes time the consequence
let's read each of the following statements and determine if it is a well
phrased BCF statement if not we will indicate what parts are missing number
one Mary please stop putting your papers all over my desk this sentence is
missing consequences and feelings
number two I get so confused when you change the procedures so often
this sentence is missing the consequences number three when you come
so late to meetings I get upset because I have to switch the agenda around and
that makes the meeting less effective this sentence is complete number four I
have to work overtime because of you this sentence is missing behavior and
feelings
number five I really disliked the music you listen to all day please turn it off
this sentence is missing the consequences this completes our activity
on initiating conflict resolution and planning an effective opening statement