Hey there.
You want to know what the
I'm breaking it all down for you
right here in this video, so stay tuned.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney, I am an author.
And on this channel, I teach people and you
how to negotiate with narcissists, how to deal with them,
how to manage them, how to get what you want from them.
And so if that is you and you want to learn how to do that,
make sure you subscribe to my channel
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when I go live and all that cool stuff.
So now, let's talk about the six things that narcissists do
when you try to go
which I highly recommend that you do.
And I've had to do it myself with a couple of narcissists.
It's never fun, it's never great.
They try to make it almost impossible.
They try to make it
so that you really don't want to to have to do that.
But you definitely do have to do that
because they will eventually take over your soul.
Literally I describe it as like pods.
I know there was some movie,
I don't know if it was in the '60s
or something like a long time ago
where these pods came and sat down next to people
and took all of their information
and basically took over their bodies.
And that's how I feel about narcissists
like they're these pods that just come into your life
and steal you and you end up feeling
like you're like being choked to death
or, I don't know, my situation
where I talked a lot about this, by the way
in a couple of recent videos,
one was my toxic relationships and the other one was,
I don't normally share this, my own story of bullying.
In my situation, I felt
like one of the narcissists was literally trying
to become me, stand in my shoes and be me.
And, but also was devaluing me
and doing things to me at the same time.
It was super weird and really awful.
And so that's kinda how you start to feel, right?
And so you have to go no contact in order to,
it's not too dramatic.
I don't think to say
That's how I felt.
So, but you do want to know what's going to happen
when you go to do that, right?
So let's talk about that now.
So the first thing is that they're going
to maybe try to start going back
to what worked for them before, because remember,
there's those three different ways of,
that they interact in relationships.
There's the three different phases
which is
And by the way, I have videos on each one of those
if you want to go check them out.
But they start off with love bombing
or that idealization phase where they show up
whether it's not always a romantic,
it can be a business situation, which it was for me.
And they show up in your space
and they seem like they're absolutely perfect.
And then they start to devalue you.
And then there's the discard phase
but they kinda go back and forth between the phases.
So they're going to go back to what worked before,
"Oh, we can always work this out,
we've always been so good together.
We've always been able to do things.
Why do you need to be so rigid?
Why do you need to be so difficult?"
Try to get you to be charmed by them again.
Whatever that worked before to charm them,
they'll go back to that.
And sometimes, it's called hoovering
where they're basically coming back and say,
"Oh, maybe I haven't talked to you in a while."
And suddenly, you get that ping
and you're in your inbox or in your DMs or whatever.
And you're like, "Oh, I haven't talked to that person, why?
What are they doing here?"
So they're going to go back to trying
to charm you in some ways, so that's number one.
The next thing is that they may try to
Come on, even stronger, you barely feel
like you can breathe sometimes with them.
Now all of a sudden, they're showing up your house
or showing up at your office, they happen
to be talking to everybody that you know,
you just can't get away from this person, there they are.
They may call you incessantly.
They may text you incessantly.
They may escalate their efforts
on all the bad things that they're doing.
Manipulating situations, projection,
denial, deflection, lying,
all the things that they normally do
but now on steroids, because remember with the narcissists,
you're either for them or against them.
They're very black and white.
So they may escalate their taxes.
You see like them coming on much more strongly.
And then the third thing that they will likely do
when you go no contact is
which is kinda in the discard phase,
that's when you start to see the birth
of the smear campaign.
So they'll escalate even the triangulation,
meaning that they're lining up their flying monkeys.
They're talking to people that you know,
they want you to feel excluded.
They want you to feel isolated.
They want you to be punished for going no contact with them.
So they want you to think that they're doing great
and you are making a huge mistake
by going no contact with them.
They're going to have everybody in your world against you
and everyone's going to line up for them.
And everyone's going to think you're the crazy one
or you're the bad one or maybe you're the narcissist.
And they'll try to divide you in that way.
So isolate you, manipulate situations,
triangulate that smear campaign.
So that's like, kind of all goes into number three
as far as triangulation smear campaign
and lining up flying monkeys against you.
So that's the third thing.
And if any of you have seen this before,
I want you to tell me
'cause I'm sure you've totally seen this before.
Okay, so now let's talk about the fourth thing.
So the fourth thing is
that their narcissistic injury could be triggered
and so therefore that narcissistic rage comes flying out.
So now they're not just trying to hoover you,
they're not just pushing you more.
They're not just triangulating.
They're not just escalating.
Now it's like they're in full on rage.
You will do what I want, you will come back at,
you will be punished.
And sometimes I think they go into this rage state
just so that you're afraid, just so that you are punished.
Not just that they're angry.
I mean I know that they're angry too,
you know they're like two-year olds in an adult body.
So they're literally having a tantrum now.
They're literally like super angry.
And sometimes during this phase,
that's when they start to actually become undone,
they start to make mistakes.
And that's when you know you're starting to close in on them
and in a negotiation setting, that's when you know
that your tactics are actually starting to work.
And that's when you are actually the most vulnerable
to going, "Oh my God, I don't think
I have the stomach for this,"
but that's when you gotta keep going.
Because narcissists are always the worst
right before they're ready to give up.
And I do have a whole video on the undoing of a narcissist
which I broke down the show, that Hugh Grant show.
That's a really great example of a malignant narcissist
who was continuing to do things.
But the more people figured out who he was,
the more mistakes he started to make
and that became his undoing.
So that leads me to number five which is
which sometimes they do, they completely collapse,
they just become undone.
They don't know what to think about their world
because they do have a very fragile sense of self.
For them, the world is a place of survival
that they have to survive.
And so sometimes, they do collapse and that's number five.
And the last thing is that eventually, eventually,
if you do it the right way and you create the right strategy
and you have the right leverage and you figure out
how to cut off any source of supply from you,
that means you're not intimidated, you're not scared.
Your fear goes away, all of that because now,
they just realize they're not getting any supply
from you anymore at all.
And they're like vultures.
So there's nothing left in this carcass over here.
So they will eventually, and this is number six,
'cause they have to have it.
It is what they feed on,
it's their lifeblood, it's their oxygen.
But you just want to make sure that you are no longer
a source of that narcissistic supply for them.
So eventually, your no contact will absolutely work.
So if you want to get the edge on them,
you want to know how to negotiate with a narcissist.
Make sure to grab
my free crush my negotiation prep worksheet
and join me in my free private Facebook group,
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
I would love to see you in there as well.
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Remember today is a great day
to start negotiating your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.